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Emotional Lag.
For a number of years I feel I’ve dealt with a problem that I can best describe as emotional lag. I’ve felt so disconnected from almost all of my emotions for so long now that I’m beginning to feel worried that I will ever feel them again. I feel that it takes me some period of time to actually experience emotions others feel immediately. Its not limited to small things or big things, but everything in general. I had a friend commit suicide last year (and this certainly isn’t the cause of the problem), but I still have yet to feel anything about it. I can admit that he wasn’t terribly close to me but I consider myself a fairly sensitive person so it scares me that I simply feel nothing about this.
I’ve felt this way for a number of years. I honestly can’t say when I think it started, though I can think of at least one thing in particular that has likely caused me to become this way. Without going into too much detail (as I won’t need to, it’s a common thing), I can simply say that I had my heart broken and I feel as if it’s never healed. It has always hurt, always feels cold inside.
I’ve spent the last 4 years incredibly lonely, but in the past weeks I think I’ve met someone that I might on some level have some actual feelings for, but I feel as if this broken part of me is shutting down the emotional part of me so I can’t get hurt again like before. I want so badly to feel something real, and for that aching part of me to heal.
This open post was written 3 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 84, 3, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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