friends help: Why Don’t People Trust Each Other? - Help.com

self-preservation. i guess. :)

It can’t.
Everybody’s overly sensitive and prone to getting their feelings hurt.

human kind is just evil… we all know it, so we try to protect ourselves from it.

I believe insecurity is a big one!

makelove wrote:
Yes, that’s the way the logic seems to me, too.

People who don’t trust other people seem to be afraid that the other people will have some of the “bad” character attributes listed above.

Where does this come from?

And how can it be reduced?

i don’t agree completely with this though. hmmm. your post made me think quite a bit… is it ok if i give an example?

say a friend and myself are looking for a job. we have the same qualifications (school, almost similar grades, same industry experience). i find a job opening at a corporate website. seems to be a match to my resume. now, the economy is bleak. jobs are hard to come by.

do i tell her? probably not. is she going to do tell me that job if she’s the first one to see it? probably not as well. it’s not that i don’t trust her. it’s not that i’m assuming she’s a bad person. and it’s not that i’m greedy. it’s simply… my needs come first. i have a family to feed and debts to pay. it’s not “bad”. and it’s not “evil”. in fact, i consider it human nature. i might actually expect her to do the same to me.

if you think this is mankind being evil though… it’s ok. although my opinion will be in disagreement. say i already got the job. i might forward the resume to the HR group in the company. or let her borrow some money if she needs it (since i’m the one with the job now). when my needs are satisfied, it is only then that i can satisfy other people’s need.

and that’s where trust (or lack thereof) comes in. i don’t trust other people because i know they have needs which may be in CONFLICT with my on. and if given an opportunity, they will PRIORITIZE their own need first. pretty natural, if you ask me.

again, i don’t think this is the evilness of mankind. it’s just self-preservation. :)

fear that they do drugs,

is a plausible explanation also, however I feel that you should have faith in everyone and if they turn out different then too bad.

I dont trust a lot of people because i’m worried that personal things will become public knowledge; people I hardly know and never talk to will know things that aren’t their business. I’d only trust with a few people (if any), and make it worse. if that happens then it’d make me feel even worse about a given situation, so that has an adverse effect.

makelove wrote:
Well, here’s an idea: you could agree to share all job info and to form a pact — that either of you who gets a job would give, say, 10% of the wages of the other person (if they get the job). That would seem fair to me — if you were really equally qualified.

That way you would both be applying to maybe close to 2X the jobs and the chances of either of you getting a job would be increased a lot.

Doesn’t that make sense?

And let’s say that one of you just LIKES the job more, and therefore gets it?

Well, of course the people hiring might also simply make a wrong decision…. hmmm — maybe it would even make sense for 1 person to step back and say “the other person is simply better suited for this job”.

I think the whole idea of employment is old-fashioned anyways. It just doesn’t make sense for people to give orders, boss each other around, … ( all of that seems very outdated to me… but that’s just IMHO ;)

actually it does make sense. seems like an easier way to get a job for both persons. but it doesn’t usually happen. i myself won’t do that with a friend. only because it seems so business-like. and with that arrangement, do you think it’s 100% foolproof? probably not. i see a job i REALLY like (my ideal job of all time!). will i risk sharing that info with her for a mere 10% of her one month’s wage? (i assume you mean 1 month salary). probably not.

“the other person is simply better suited for this job”. again, the needs come in. economy is bad. jobs are precious. who is going to step aside?

anyway, your idea is good on how to “correct” that earlier example i made, although i posted it not because i was asking for a solution. i was just trying to explain about how self-preservation/lack of trust isn’t really a bad or evil attribute as some of the posts are saying. but rather something so natural that comes as a human being. :)

and lolz about employment being old-fashioned. we can’t expect everyone to be entrepreneurs. :)

True, telling a friend/relative something personal is more a matter of confiding, but I have to trust the person that they won’t go and, as you say, gossip about it. Its interesting to think that I trust this site, not knowing anyone here personally, because no one knows who I am here, and so theres next to no chance of it getting into say, my school/group of friends.

Usually bad experiences in the past are a big factor.

The only problem with distrusting everyone we meet, is that we will eventually become lonely. No one wants to spend there time with someone who doesn’t trust them.

It becomes a self defeating circle that leads nowhere fast and isn’t productive.

We would be better off forgetting the past and treating everyone we meet with a clean slate. We will know if the person is not trustworthy. Our instinct will tell us.

makelove wrote:

vivzofwale wrote:
will i risk sharing that info with her for a mere 10% of her one month’s wage? (i assume you mean 1 month salary).

well, actually I was thinking for longer — but I didn’t really think about it all that much TBH.

and if it’s a dream job, then I could see how you might want to be “greedy” about it yourself.

there are many other things that could be arranged, like for example the other person would continue the 10% until the other person gets a job (and that would make them interested in networking / building contacts to get the job to happen)…
or whatever… :)

makelove. i don’t think anybody will enter into that arrangement. providing the friend 10% until she finds a job? that’s on top of taxes and debt and healthcare and whatnot. :)

getting a dream job isn’t automatically being greedy at all. my ideal job is something that i love to do but still getting paid (e.g. being a food critic). it’s still quite far from obsession of material wealth, which is essentially what greed is.

oh i meant the ones who review restaurants? lolz. it’s the first thing that came to mind. seems such a fun thing to do (because i cook a lot, it’s my passion) but at the same time it puts food at the table (no pun intended). personally, i have many hobbies which i LOVE to do but as a profession it’s not really enough to get me anywhere financially. :)

makelove wrote:
so do you want to review restaurants?

yeah. that would be greeeeaaaat lolz. although i don’t think i’m qualified for that. you need to have a culinary degree or something? i’m not sure. :)

how about you? what do you want to do?

I would like to think that many people lie for social acceptance.

lolz. well, i’m over here at Asia.

being a food critic is really just an ideal though. it will never happen :)

makelove wrote:

Keckers wrote:
It can’t.
Everybody’s overly sensitive and prone to getting their feelings hurt.

shortcake2 wrote:
human kind is just evil… we all know it, so we try to protect ourselves from it.

But don’t people feel bad about THEMSELVES when they ASSUME that other people have such bad character traits?

How can anyone lead a happy life with such a negative outlook about other people?

And wouldn’t it also seem logical to expect that other people have the same negative views?

Doesn’t that mean we would all have to share a fundamental DISRESPECT for humanity?

The thing is for me it’s a reality I refuse to accept.
But you do get hurt alot y’know.
It’s because everybody thinks negatively about everyone.

It’s all about social standards. People want to live up to the standards of other people. And what better way to measure up to someone’s standards other than lying?