i know ive explained my problem but i just feeling like typing so ill do that till i can fall aslp…
he was always the boy that i wanted my boyfriend to be like when i was ready to have one. he carried himself ina mannor so mature for his age. we we’re 12 back then and to see a boy act how he acted suprised me. from then on i held him at a higher standard, even though we didnt talk that much. so some years went by we talked a little more and spent a lot more time in the same place. i started feeling him and he started feeling me and december 25th 2007 we got together. that was the best christman present i couldve asked for. after that day we spent as much time together as possible wrote on myspace texted and talked on the phone ALL day. back then i thought nothing could tear us apart. we planned on getting married having kids and so much more. we didnt argue and if we did we made up very fast. then after about a year things started to change…we stopped talking on the phone, our myspace messages stopped but the texting continued. not as much though. i loved him with all my heart! i loved him so much that i would cry (happy tears of course). then june 13th 2009 we broke up for the first time. i couldnt even cry. which was funny cause i cried previous times when i thought we were going to break up, but when it actually happened i wasnt even really shocked or sad. our relationship had dropped down to nothing almost. i had also lost 15 pounds in the last 2months of our relationship worrying that i wasnt doing something right or that we would break up. i couldnt eat and i never could sleep well. so a month went by and i thought i was over the break up. i was able to eat, i felt a lot healthier and better about myself. i was fine and my own indiviudal without him. we ended up gettin back together july 18th and i was excited. but from the start things were the best in my opion. i had doubts about us being together but i pushed them back cause he was still my love and i wanted to be with him. and now a month later im ready to break up with him. ive brought it up more then once in the last month but never ended it or had the guts to let him end it. i still love him and want the best for him but i hate how i feel unwanted, negleted, and not good enough. i need attention! he’s a really good person just not that person for me anymore and im scared to be without him. deep in my heart ive made the decision to end it for good or at least for awhile but gettin it out is so hard! ive tried many times. im not confused anymore…an the fact that i think he’s messing around or dont wanna be with me anymore doesnt even make my stomach hurt anymore. knowing that he might be lying does, knowing that i open up to him but he doesnt open up to me also hurts. but hey…i guess ill never understand him an no matter how much i explain myself he will never understand me
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