I still love her. - Help.com

aww well long distance relationships can be very hard but very meaningful because i believe they need more trust & responsibility. Why don’t you remain friends with her and make sure she’s happy & maybe that will help you a bit?

Well does she know how she makes you feel? Do you go out with friends and have fun? Do you have a hobby?

Yes i read your post fully. But i meant are they friend that make you laugh, truly and you have fun or its just ur with them and laugh here and there but its meh.

Why don;t you stick to a hobby and focus on it?

the key is the emotion stabiliy we all need a souce of emotion stability you not having one will always keep you this way somehow you can always get a little getter but i think the truth remains if you dont find urself a new gf you wont get over this one, or you need to find something to fill in that income of emotions that she was giving and here is one of my previouse posts that says just this….

It’s sad what this world has made us;
It’s hard to take ourselves back;
We are not heroes;
We are not unique;
We are not special;
We are just like everybody else;
Am, like you;
And you are like me;
We are all humans;
We are weak;
Emotion dependent;
Bounded to error;
We are not strong;
We are not independent;
We all depend on some thing;
To bring us emotion satisfaction;
Others to bring us the illusion of power and independence;
Yet the truth remains;
Am not better than an addicted person;
Am not stronger than an addicted person;
It just happens to be that am addicted to other things than drugs;
People who don’t have any source to bring in emotion stability;
And the sensation of power and independence;
Will be bounded to go to drugs;
To fill this voidness;
Am not better than them;
You are not better then them;
We just like to believe we are stronger;
Since that brings us sensation stability;
But the truth still remains;
We are not stronger; we just have a source to get our energy;
Time, gender, surrounding, life style, family, so called friends;
All play part;
At some point of mix you will have a 100% chance of somebody doing drugs;
Doesn’t matter who it is;
Even you;
You will fall short;
We are not stronger or better then anybody else;
Compared with drug addicts;
We aren’t addicted for a simple reason;
Our mix don’t give forth a drug addiction;
Since we find our emotion stability;
And sensation of power and independent from another source;
Next time you judge somebody remember;
You would have done the same;
If you where in there shoe;
Depression isn’t a disease;
Depression is a simple problem;
It’s a person who doesn’t have any income of emotion or sensation;

you do not regret breaking up with her. but do u still want her?

well that is very complicated. would u want to try being with her again?

Snar wrote:
Tricky, some of you rpoem I can relate too, some of it i can not. I know that I need a new girl to get over her, what I’m asking for now is how to hold on until that point.

this is not a poem it’s like a life guide to life ^_^ , it just form of a poem ^_^

anywayz, like i said before i will say it again the key is ur emotions stablity that is where you are failling right now, hobbies and sport can do the job quite well, friends too…

i guess finding a new gf is the only thing i can come up with right now

Snar wrote:
Haha as I said in my post, I have tried that and now must simply wait. But thankyou at least for your time and effort in responding :)

you tried but werent lucky ^_^, maybe next time you will run into an amazing girl ;)
that will change ur world ;)

It’s hard, “Snar”, lol. Bt just keep trying to do your best to be happy & distracted. In the end, everything will work out for the best!

Snar wrote:
I have hobbies, I workout, and I hang out with my friends. I appreciate the thought guys, but that is far from the problem or solution.

That’s really all I would and can suggest. I went through the same thing, and came to the same solutions. I found my solitude in the gym. Thoughts of loved ones do fade with time, so as long as you can preoccupy your mind you’ll be alright. I’ll admit though I still occasionally find myself waking up in the middle of the night and I can still smell the lilacs from the shampoo she used as if she was still right next to me. lol, then you open your eyes get a glass of water and get all pissed off at yourself for still thinking of that person.

Snar, you’re right, you will be much better at the university. College is just like 100x better than high school can ever be.

-rai

Anonymous wrote:
Snar, you’re right, you will be much better at the university. College is just like 100x better than high school can ever be.

-rai

lol

sorry couldnt help myself but to wonder why you posted as anon and then went like
-rai
^_^

Word college is pretty good. There are so many differnt people there. You meet a lot of girls and definately dating does preoccupy yourself and eventually you will stop thinking of the past girl hardly ever. Lots of stories to be made and told…

tricky wrote:
sorry couldnt help myself but to wonder why you posted as anon and then went like
-rai
^_^

there’s a reason.

Anonymous wrote:

tricky wrote:
sorry couldnt help myself but to wonder why you posted as anon and then went like
-rai
^_^

there’s a reason.

ohh kkk :D
fair enough ^_^

I agree that hobbies & sport can help, but I dont think they would address the under-lying issue. They will distract you, but how full can you make your life? I have a friend who fills his day sooo much he literally doesnt think, cause he’s still cut bout a break up, he said he used to think sometimes when he was trying to fall asleep, but now he watches youtube until he’s really, really tired lol..

I actualy think that processing & thinking carefuly about the situation more will be helpful. It sounds like you love her & the feelings pretty mutual.

If you love her, but really love her, you want her to grow as a person & be as happy as possible.

I think that avoiding her is not going to actualy help you, again this is just avoiding the issue. The way to get rid of that dark feeling inside is to shine some light on it, not cover it up.

You love her right? Be happy for her, offer your friendship to her. That’s love - but for real. Also be happy for yourself - she loves you right? I wouldnt want someone I loved to be hurting. I think you have to relax your hold on her & the situation. Release her to go where she has to go & be with who she has to & allow yourself the same privlidge.

I think that you have crossed the line from wanting her for your wellbeing to needing her for your wellbeing = dependancy. In my experience dependancy is not the best & it doesnt equate to love. The best definition I have ever heard of love is from a book called ‘the road less travelled’ by scott peck he says: love is the nurturing of ones self or anothers spiritual growth (or words to that effect).

I hope all goes well for you, I think the best thing you can do is start to feel happy for her.
x

I dont mean to judge you, argue, say that you’re not great friends or what you’re doing is wrong or that im right - I dont know you & Im not qualified to make that judgement even if I did.. But Im not comforted by my friends unhappiness; when I blocked a friend (from facebook/msn) I have explained to them what I am doing & why. I think these things are helpful for me & for them.

I think avoiding dependance is a noble reason for a break up & in my experience its not easy to end a relationship like you have.

Dont worry no one is that self-less a person. If you feel happy for her, it will in turn make you happy. It might at first glance appear to be self-less; but feeling happy for her, letting her go & releasing her to be happy will lead to your release & your happiness.. Its entirely self-fish really :)

Wow, I know how it is man. Nothing seems to work for me either. To be frank, I think you’ll just have to deal with the pain for the next 13 days, and then you’ll be free. It’s a new start, you will get through this. This girl once told me that it takes the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.

Keep listening to your music my little metal head XP
Music always helps.

For the next couple of weeks, here are some practical suggestions. Start reading a long book, or better yet a series (I recommend the Gunslinger series by Stephen King). Rent a whole season of a show you’ve never followed.. 24, Lost, the Soprannos, etc. Start cross-country running every morning. Try to write fiction in a genre you’ve never tried. Take up painting or learn Photoshop. Buy an old desk or bookshelf or large picture frame at a yard sale and refinish it. Build a website. You can do any of these things, you’re brilliant and talented. They’ll take concentration and time, and fill up your meandering mind.

Only time will tell if your first love will be the love of your life. If you HAVE to tell her now, then tell her. Just realize that your words may ring hollow when you start dating other girls at your college. It would be best, in my humble opinion, if you were honest with her about the way you feel, but also honest that you are both young and need to experience more of life before you can pledge your eternal and undying love.

Romantic love is like flowing water; it’s current is subject to obstacles and changes in depth. Right now you’re in a shallows, it’s rocky and turbulent. Rapids come and go. Later it may slow and broaden and deepen, and teem with life. Whether this is a great river that flows to the sea, a tributary, or a pure mountain stream is impossible for you to know now. Either way, for you this love is life-giving stuff, as precious to you as water is to life in the universe. Appreciate it for what it is and don’t worry about what it might not be.

Sans “only time will tell if she is the love of your life” how much time determines that?(I know a subjective question) Or was it more a philosophical statement? - is there an answer?

Korwinn wrote:
Sans “only time will tell if she is the love of your life” how much time determines that?(I know a subjective question) Or was it more a philosophical statement? - is there an answer?

One might say that when you are happily married for a number of years, you can say someone is the love of your life. But then, even happy marriages can turn sour. I think a good measure of who was the love of your life (or if you had one) is the answer to the question, “Who is buried beside you?”

Snar wrote:
Yes scarlett, yes music does :)

Thanks for being both honest and heartfelt. I’ll bear through the days if it is my sole option.

Try volunteering? Someone once told me that the best cure for your own problems is helping other people with their problems.

I’ve been in your position before (hell, as of this morning, I’m in it again), and the only thing that really made a difference was time. Over time, as you do other things and have other experiences, you will think of her less and less, and those thoughts will hurt less and less. Essentially, you have to rewire your brain. Other than that, distraction helps, as other people have said.

I wish I had more to offer.

Snar wrote:
Wow…dear god…Raynd has infected my brain. I heard volunteering and cringed. Subliminal anti-socialist propaganda is working!?

But with serious thought, theres no point in volunteering this close to school. I wont be able to find a place fast enough and when I do ill have to drop it real soon…plus I’ve only ever been good at volunteering with animals, not people. I’d rather work behind the scenes at such things should it come to that. And frankly, I have no motivation to volunteer…the idea means a lot of stuff I dont want to do, selfish as that may be. Don’t think its quite the time.

Thanks though :)

lol you’re welcome x.x

Hey Snar, i did not even know what happened til i read this post. I’m sorry that you were not too strong for each other. I remember you meeting and holding each other at the airport and i’m a little nervous since i will experience that too soon.

I have been in your position a year and a half ago and i felt like i could die. But i did not. You know in your heart you are going to be alright but it’s the process of going through it does really hurt. A lot.

But what i did when that happened to me was i joined friends in sport, i used my energy climbing mountains. And that was also the time i discovered my passion for photography.

Remember that these things we go through are part of the journey we are destined to be in or what we destined ourselves to be.

It will hurt, words can’t let go of the hurt no matter what, but just like any wound, it will heal.

Take care.

lilies

You are a good person Snar, you will do just fine.

Let me tell you a story, Snar.

Once upon a time I fell in love. Or maybe love fell onto me. I don’t know which it was, but that’s not important; the simple fact is that one day, I woke up. I woke up lost in a deep, dark, and terrifying ocean, drowning, Snar. I had a single, warm breath in my lungs though, and with that breath I called to my dearest, and she came to me. And we were happy. I was happy. Nothing mattered but the two of us; the darkness of abyssal depth surrounding us was no longer threatening, but instead lost in our own glow–our own light. Like any candle though, the light of our perfectness slowly dimmed, and as it dimmed I could feel the coldness of reality again, creeping in at my ankles. The luminosity grew less and less, until one day the darkness filled every inch of space around me. The silence was eerie. I had gone back in time: back to the beginning, where I was alone again; back to drowning. When I opened my eyes, she was gone, the indents from her touch still buried in my arm, and there I was left with only the echoing sound of my heartbeat to fill the void. Tears mixed with the dead water around me, drying the ducts of my eyes against a watery towel. And soon there was nothing. For a long time there was nothing. And it was in this nothingness that I found myself, walking along the black space leading to nothingness. This became the world that I now understand: the world in which I live. The pain stopped after my head cleared, and thus I am finally in nearly total tranquility. Nearly, for the echo of my heartbeat travels on, and I fear it will never cease. I fear it, and yet I love it. It keeps me from losing hope in that comforting life of years gone past; it keeps me from dying, Snar.

Love lost is a horrific world, but one worth discovering, for a new, fantastic world lies just beyond. Don’t get sidetracked too long though, Snar, or you may end up with your arms outstretched, reaching for the light eternally, as I have. I have confidence in you.

We are incredibly similar Snar, haha. Maybe you’re me from the future, sent back to make contact. 0_o

It’s good to have you around again too.