My mother is driving me crazy, she cant seem to understand the

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My mother is driving me crazy, she cant seem to understand

the fact that I am 26 years old, for some reason she thinks its ok to tell me who i can date and when, what time my date should leave my house and how often i should see the guy. I mean seriously if she has decided that my date should leave my house at 9pm then she will call every 5 mins starting at 9pm if i dont answer she sends a “search party” out. no joke she once told my brother that she was so worried for me cause she thought my date was beating me and he needed to go to my house to check on me, she has also used to excuse of calling family friends and saying that she needs them to pick something up from me and take it to her, just to have someone at my house so the date will leave!!!!!! If I do answer the phone and just pretend like the date has left she will ask 101 questions and keep me on the phone as long as possible. I have tried not telling her about my dates but then it goes back to if she calls and I dont answer the phone she flips out, not that she hasnt already called me 14 times that day to tell me “im dong the dishes” or “i went for a walk” I now live about 75 miles away from my mother but Im buying a house in my home town (where my mother is) and im really thinking im gonna regret it even though I really want to live in my home town and I really love the house. Just to be clear about things my mother is 100% fully capable of life on her own she has not one medical issue (even though she has called me several time telling me she needs me to go pick her up and take her to the hospital cause she is having a heart attack, this has happened 3 times now and all 3 times she has been told that she has the “heart of a teenager”). Its driving me crazy that I cant get her to understand that Im an adult and can make my own decisions and that sometimes I have things to do that prevent me from being on the phone with her or at her house 24 hours a day, like the fact that i have a job!!!……If I spend more then a few hours with her she starts the guilt trip and trying to convince me to move back in with her

This open post was written 3 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 276, 9, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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littlenick 155 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (11 minutes after post)

Other than your brother, do you have any other siblings? Does she do that to your brother? Or, does your brother live with her?

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littlenick 155 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (12 minutes after post)

Does she have a husband or a boyfriend?

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Dr. Ralph 67 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (22 minutes after post)

Stop talking to your mother. Don’t answer the phone and tell her you have grown up. Tell her when she grows up maybe the two of you can have a relationship…

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Anonymous #
3 months, 1 week ago (23 minutes after post)

no its just me and my brother who is older then me, he lives just a few blocks from her but she is completely opposite with him she never wants to bother him and is always saying “hes all grown and he will call when he has time” but then if he does happen to go over to visit her once every few months she acts like its the greatest thing in the world and tells me “oh your brother came to visit me cause HE cares about me”

Anonymous #
3 months, 1 week ago (24 minutes after post)

oh and no my dad left a few years ago but they are best friends now he even goes to her house for dinner almost every night

slimmmerman 5 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (35 minutes after post)

I have two suggestions for you;

1) Turn off or unplug your phone when you have company over,

and

2) Just hang a note on your front door saying something along the lines of -

“If someone is not dead then you **** well better NOT
knock on my door. If you do and someone isn’t dead there
definitely will be!”

I’m sure that family and friends will take the hint.

On a side note, I’m a 40 year old man of considerable size and my mom still thinks she can tell me who to date!

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littlenick 155 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (43 minutes after post)

Sounds like you and her are close or were close when you were living with her. She has got empty nest syndrome and it’s really affecting her. She needs to seek professional help and you need to encourage her to seek it. Otherwise, if and when you get married, she could be the cause of problems for you and your husband. I think from what you write, she’s trying to prevent you from forming a permanent relationship where you end up getting married and you “abandon” her all together. She’s worried that she’s going to “lose” all together. If you get married, she’s not looking at it as “gaining a son,” she’s looking at it as just losing you forever. You need to reassure her that’s not going to be the case but she needs to scale back on her insecurity and protective issues that she has with you.

She has separation anxiety issues that can occur in some parents when they see their family that they think they worked so hard to have threatened by outside forces such as a boyfriend for you. However, if your brother has a girlfriend and she can form a relationship like she has with you, which will never happen because blood is thicker than water, she might come to treat your brother’s wife as a daughter and even try to overprotect her and do the same she’s doing to you to try to replace you. But I can also see that as creating problems for your brother and his future wife if she does that.

She’s got a lot of issues. She needs a lot reassurance from you and your brother that she’s not going to be abandoned or left all alone. She will keep at it until she convinces you to either move close to her or move in again with her so she can keep an eye on you and overprotect you. But that could be a threat to your mental being and eventually with the relationship with your mom. You might end up hating for not being able to form a permanent relationship with any guy. Honestly, if I met you and I knew that your mom was like that , I would take flight. But that’s just me. Another guy might feel flattered for you that she treats you like that and might even encourage you to move close to her. But, what do you want? How do you feel about being close to a mom who throws pity parties and you’re the guest of honor? From what you write, you want to stop all that because it’s driving you insane as it would drive any person with any desire to have some kind of freedom in ther life. At 26, you’re way overdue for your freedom to do with your life what you will.
Talk to her. Reassure her. But mainly encourage her to seek professional help and help her insecurities when it comes to you and her abandonment issues. She’s blackmailing you into staying single and guilting you into never marrying. Be careful with that because if you actually follow her cues, you might end up an old maid. I cannot put it any more bluntly or any more plainly.

I hope that you talk to her and tell her your concerns. She needs help.

Sounds like you and her are close or were close when you were living with her.  She has got empty nest syndrome and it's really affecting her.  She needs to seek professional help and you need to encourage her to seek it.  Otherwise, if and when you get married, she could be the cause of problems for you and your husband.  I think from what you write, she's trying to prevent you from forming a permanent relationship where you end up getting married and you "abandon" her all together.  She's worried that she's going to "lose" all together.  If you get married, she's not looking at it as "gaining a son," she's looking at it as just losing you forever.  You need to reassure her that's not going to be the case but she needs to scale back on her insecurity and protective issues that she has with you.

She has separation anxiety issues that can occur in some parents when they see their family that they think they worked so hard to have threatened by outside forces such as a boyfriend for you.  However, if your brother has a girlfriend and she can form a relationship like she has with you, which will never happen because blood is thicker than water, she might come to treat your brother's wife as a daughter and even try to overprotect her and do the same she's doing to you to try to replace you.  But I can also see that as creating problems for your brother and his future wife if she does that.

She's got a lot of issues.  She needs a lot reassurance from you and your brother that she's not going to be abandoned or left all alone.  She will keep at it until she convinces you to either move close to her or move in again with her so she can keep an eye on you and overprotect you.  But that could be a threat to your mental being and eventually with the relationship with your mom.  You might end up hating for not being able to form a permanent relationship with any guy.  Honestly, if I met you and I knew that your mom was like that , I would take flight.  But that's just me.  Another guy might feel flattered for you that she treats you like that and might even encourage you to move close to her.  But, what do you want?  How do you feel about being close to a mom who throws pity parties and you're the guest of honor?  From what you write, you want to stop all that because it's driving you insane as it would drive any person with any desire to have some kind of freedom in ther life.  At 26, you're way overdue for your freedom to do with your life what you will.
Talk to her.  Reassure her.  But mainly encourage her to seek professional help and help her insecurities when it comes to you and her abandonment issues.  She's blackmailing you into staying single and guilting you into never marrying.  Be careful with that because if you actually follow her cues, you might end up an old  maid.  I cannot put it any more bluntly or any more plainly.

I hope that you talk to her and tell her your concerns.  She needs help.

Help me with: How to Get a Job

littlenick 155 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (4 hours, 25 minutes after post)

I hope you read this and it helps you figure out what’s going on with your mom. Let me know or shout me if you have to.

Help me with: How to Get a Job

vicky_3 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (2 weeks, 3 days after post)

omg..this sounds like me..I am 26 and I live on my own. I have been dating this guy for the past couple months who i love. I have never felt this way before. I am comfortable 100 percent around him and able to let loose and be myself. I have never had that before him. I have parents who are still married and my mother drives me INSANE with her intrusiveness on MY LIFE. I am the oldest of 3 kids..others are 25 and 19. My mother always has to be pushy about my job, my home, about how i need to go back to school-even though i am a professional in the medical field she never stops. The guy I am dating treats me good. We dont have a lot of money. Both of us trying to get caught up finance wise. He had an apartment but not many belongings…recent divorce… I told him to move in with me…I care about him and it hurt me to see him in that tiny empty apartment…my heart told me to do it. This has not went over well at all with the family. She called to tell me today that she just doesnt want her kid to end up dead in a suit case in a river somewhere. Seriously…They have met him. I thought it went fine. She has went as far to ask me if i still listened to country music cause i went to a concert of rock persuasion with him, when i have listened to the band for years anyways. I am about at my breaking point with her…the driving by my place to see if we are home(yesterday) and running his plates for a background check(best friends husband is a cop) I know that everyone has a past…and yes he was in some trouble back when he was in highschool with drugs…but he is a grown man. He has never done anything to harm me or hurt me. I am smarter than that. I understand that parents always want the best for their kids, but dont they want happiness? What gives? She is pushing me further and further away..she does not do this with my brother who is PERFECT in her eyes.

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