stress help: I am under so much stress right now I can literally not think clearly. - Help.com

I am under so much stress right now I can literally not think clearly.

I am an absolute
nervous wreck. I haven’t been sleeping well at all for over a week, my productivity is suffering, and well, it’s just really, really bad. Let me explain:

I am a college student. I need to be finishing up a summer project I am working on.
Put in a nutshell, I don’t go back to school until spring. My family situation is deplorable. I was more or less adopted when I was younger by two really great people. My adoptive mom died, and my predatory adoptive brother took advantage of the situation by completely financially ruining my adoptive father. Then my adoptive brother killed my dog, and sold the house I had grown up in (my dad was kind of an idiot for letting him do this). My adoptive brother’s wife also helped in this, and basically helped steal all of my dad’s assets, to the point where my dad didn’t even have a vehicle. Everything’s gone. Adoptive dad lives with them. I’m pretty sure my adoptive dad could give a **** less about me, considering he spent what was to be my inheritance on them (or, well, let them spend it). So basically, I have no family.

I went to visit my biological family, who are all assholes. My biological sister and her kid moved in with my biological mom, and they all sit around and do drugs all day. The person I consider to be my ‘father’ (whom I was told was my biological father) is deceased. The last time I really saw my biological mom was when I had to take her to court to sue her for the money she had stolen from me when she was stealing to support her meth habit.

Stupidly, I went to visit my biological family in Indiana. Drama ensued as I discovered that my wallet was stolen, and basically my crackwhore of a sister was being really crazy, and of course, similar to what had happened at birth, my methhead mom chose her story over me, so with the only $20 I had on me at the time, I got on the train and came into Chicago to a friend’s house, because I needed somewhere to sleep for a night or two until the credit card company could send me a new card. I have an internship that begins on September 5th, so I’m not too worried about things, as long as I can get my card and find a short term rental.

Got to Chicago. My friend, who is very… full of herself, makes it a point to continuously passively insult me. Some examples:

Her: “How do you pay for college, and what’s your GPA?”
Me: “I have a full scholarship, and I have a 4.0.”
Her: “Well, I never had the opportunity to get a 4.0 because I had to work. I even had to sell pies…”

Her: “My computer isn’t working. Can you help me fix it?”
Me: “Sure, I’ll try.”

After about an hour of realizing her computer can’t be updated because she’s running
a very old version of windows, she screams

Her: “With your full scholarship and your intelligence, you can’t fix this?”

She prompts these conversations just to start **** with me for no reason. For example, she asks me what I’m going to eat today. I say, “I’m going to go get some soup at this place downtown.” (I have a gift card that I received from a friend.) She then goes into this 45 minute, traumatizing story about how when she was younger, she had to steal food from restaurants to survive… and somehow, even though she’s 30 years older than me, this is somehow my fault…

Then she proceeds to talk **** on my situation (Sorry ‘friend’, but not everyone can find the creepy older man of their dreams at 21 and have him wipe their *** through the remainder of their lives like you did).

She drinks a LOT and is definitely a pill-popper. She keeps it hidden from her husband and her kid pretty well, but uh, being around those types all my life, I recognize this. She’s constantly going off on two-hour long tangents about feng-shui, life energy, and her childhood and how she may or may not have been raped by her father, how she’s a ‘powerful businesswoman’, and how the world is awful.

Then she goes on to tell me **** like, “You’re 22! You should have your **** more together!” Problem is, when you’re on scholarship, you can’t have assets, and every
asset I declare to my school (because I’m not going to lie to them obviously) goes against
my aid. Eighty percent (80%) of my assets HAVE to go to my education… all the money I made this summer? HAH! Out of $6,000 , I get to keep $1,200?!?! That’s it. Yay education. They count my earnings as well, so if I want to remain in school, which obviously I do, I have to remain poor. I can’t take out loans because of my aid package. I can’t put a down payment on a house, I can’t do ANYTHING because even my ******* PHONE is an ‘asset’. This means that until my internship begins, I am virtually homeless with well, pretty much no money.

When I came to visit her on Friday, she had me try to fix this laptop that her husband had found somewhere, in the garbage. I was able to turn it on (there’s nothing wrong with it) and bypass the log in screen. I look on the desktop, and there’s a resume. I open it. Boom. The information of the lady this computer belongs to (her name, address, phone number, etc.) is all on this resume. She even has personal family photos on it. Now, I’m thinking, “Why would someone throw this laptop away with all their stuff on it, when this laptop doesn’t have anything wrong with it?”

Well, come to find out, this is more like the third or fourth laptop her husband has ‘found’. So since this laptop is ‘missing’, I ask my friend if she’d like me to call the lady whose information is on this laptop. She calls me ‘vulnerable’ and says not to call this lady. This really pisses me off, because I know for a ******* fact that nobody would have thrown this computer out, and I’m starting to wonder how her husband is ‘finding’ all of these things… anyhow…

The card company ***** up, and sends the card to my old address, and it takes a few days for them to sort it out. I get the card on Tuesday, and start searching for short term rentals that night. By Wednesday, I was able to find three. I went to see all three- one was taken, and the other two were still available. I found one that I really liked, the price was agreeable, and he told me that I could move in by Saturday.

I wake up this morning to the lady I’m staying with flipping out for no reason (probably lost a bottle of oxycontin or something), and saying that I’m moving out today. Um, okay. That’s fine, because I have a place to move into tomorrow. Kind of short ******* notice, *******, but I can deal. I can totally stay in a hostel for one night. Well, come to find out, the douchebag that said I could move in on Saturday reneged at the last minute, the other apartment is no longer available, and well, HAHAHAHA, my ************* cards are missing again!

Since I have been staying with my ‘friend’, I haven’t slept but maybe two-three hours a night. I keep waking up, having an anxiety attack, and falling back to sleep. I ******* hate being around her, and if I didn’t have so much **** (like my books and computer, which aren’t worth anything, but they’d cost a lot to replace), I’d go a homeless shelter until all this **** was figured out and until I got yet again a new card.

I am a good person. I really am. I try to help other people all the time, and I’m not
a hypocrite about this. So here I am. Somewhat I’ve been able to make something of myself; I have a full scholarship, I get good grades, I’ve won a lot of awards, but right now I’m on medical leave until spring, and so I have to deal with this ****.

Any positive advice? I know most people here are going to be negative and tell me I deserve it or something (whatever), but anything useful would be awesome.

Thanks

This open post was written 2 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 145, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

stress, homeless, homelessness (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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