I’m 22 and 10 years ago I put my mom’s ex-husband in jail for sexual abuse that occured daily for at least 4 years.

ellen.riche

I’m 22 and 10 years ago I put my mom’s ex-husband in jail for sexual abuse that occured daily for at least 4 years.

I’m on my own now and the guy is getting released from prison next year. He was up for parole, but opted to stay in a little longer so that he can be released without being on parole at all. In a few weeks I will have to face him in court so that I can obtain a no contact order, and I am freaking out. I know this is something I have to do for my own safety, and I know the order will be granted, but I really feel like I will never be the same if I have to see him again. I think I might scream in terror the second he’s escorted into the court room. I don’t know whether or not my Mom will be ok with being there for me because I’m sure she feels the same way I do, and my boyfriend wants to be there, but I don’t want this guy to know what my boyfriend looks like.. just in case, you know? Has anyone been through something like this before? Does anyone have some advice on how to deal with a moment like this without completely falling to pieces? I’ve tried so hard to put all the memories behind me, but what if seeing his face brings them all flooding back? What if that moment is worse than all the short memories over the years put together?

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lostinatoodarkpark 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (2 days, 1 hour after post)

i havent been through anything like that but i understand that you are scared..

seeing him might trigger flashbacks..
but you should remember that you survived the abuse when u were just a child
you will survive this too

you are stronger now and you are not a kid anymore

are you seeing a therapist -if so you should talk to him/her about it

isnt your mom gonna be there with you?

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ellen.riche 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (3 days, 17 hours after post)

I was seeing a therapist within the last year, but due to the economic downturn, I can no longer afford it, and I racked up a little bit of a bill before I stopped going, so unfortunately that option is not available to me at the moment. As far as my mom goes, I really don’t know what her intentions are. I have informed her of all of the hearings so far, and she hasn’t come to any of those. I’m starting to think she won’t be there at all.

lostinatoodarkpark 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (4 days, 4 hours after post)

hmm k
are you required to be present in court?
i think it would be helpful if your boyfriend was there..
if u r scared that he might find out what your boyfriend looks like cant he wear a cap or a hat or something so he wont be able to see what he looks like?

do u have a lawyer? have u talked to him/her about it?

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ellen.riche 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (4 days, 17 hours after post)

I don’t have a lawyer, I support myself, so I am very limited financially. I like the hat idea, only I’m not sure that’s allowed in a court room. Maybe he and I can come up with a different way to disguise him. Thanks! I may even look for a way to disguise myself, he hasn’t seen me in 10 years, so hiding my true appearance for his summons would make me feel safer. I wish i didn’t have to be there, but they will dismiss the case if I miss any one of the court dates :/ Wouldn’t it be nice if they could just take your word that someone was a bad guy and not make you see him just so they could say “mmmhm, i get your point, you never have to see him again” Blah.

lostinatoodarkpark 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (4 days, 20 hours after post)

ya.. another rule made by people who have no idea what impact it can have..

you could change the hair colour temporarily
or wear a wig and fake glasses?

maybe you can get more information here:
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?db…
http://www.victimlaw.info/victimlaw/

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ellen.riche 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (1 week, 2 days after post)

I will definitely look further into both of those sites. I think I am going to dye my hair, and my boyfriend says he’s going to grow a full beard, to cover his facial features. Thanks again for all the help. I’m trying to feel more optimistic about all this, but maybe those sites will help me find a way to get compensation for the emotional damage part of this whole thing :/

lostinatoodarkpark 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (1 week, 4 days after post)

ya, you are probably so much stronger than you think and your boyfriend is gonna be there for you, too

remember that he doesn’t have power anymore
you put him in jail and now you are gonna make sure he stays away from you

i wish you all the best and i know you will get through this

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I’m 22 and 10 years ago I put my mom’s ex-husband in jail for sexual abuse that occured daily for at least 4 years. - Help.com