school help: School begins tomorow, and i don’t know if i’ll be able to hold up. - Help.com

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Blackbird, Fly.
She is awoken by the pericing sound of her ring tune. She turns over to recieve the call. She listens. She hears the words. She hangs up. She freezes. Her whole body is numb - as if she is being help captive by an invisble freezer. She sits still - frozen in the moment.

(Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive)

Now she is walking. It doesn’t matter where. Her steps are slow and lacking in conviction. She slides in and out of herself. Her body feels heavy. It feels like if she stopped right now and sat on the floor, she would never move again. She would just be sitting like that until her number is called.

(Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free)

She isn’t sure what to say, or how to think. So she just waits. Waits for something, it could be anything, to shock her back into reality just as quick as it stole her away.

(You were only waiting for this moment to arise)

Now shes on the bus. Her friend helped her to pack a bag. She was thankful. She was appreicatve. Just empty. She slips into the music. She can hide there a while. No one will find her.

(Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.)

She steps off the bus and grabs her bag. She will see thier faces soon and she’ll know that its really happening. Its real. Maybe it will wake her up. She presumes that it will.

(In the motions and the things that you say
It all will fall, fall right into place)

It didn’t. Thier faces look just like hers. Empty.

(I wanna go back to sleep)

“Me too”. She talks to the music. She grabs on and holds tight- every word - like it might save her life. Or wake her up. Or bring her back. Which ever.

(Alright don’t worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.
We’ll all float on…alright. Already we’ll all float on.)

She inhales. She isnt sure who is around and she doesnt much care. Then she realizes right then and there … she does. She still cares. She still feels. She still reasons. She is still alive. She might even be lucky.

(And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.)

She finally feels awakened. She wants to know what he would have prefered her to do. She begins to think about all the things he might say. Now she is upset, because she isnt sure what he would say. So she cries. It feels good to cry.

(Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Yeah, there will be an answer - let it be.)

She has some of her stride back. Not at full capacity, but at least now she’s trying.

One day at a time.

slash wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One day at a time.

i wish it were that simple. I wouldn’t wish something like this on my greatest enemy.

What happend if you dont mind saying?

looks like you don’t want to talk about what you went through yet. and i respect that. although it can give us a better avenue to comfort you or give you advice. :)

slash wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

slash wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One day at a time.

i wish it were that simple. I wouldn’t wish something like this on my greatest enemy.

What happend if you dont mind saying?

no fifteen year old should have to go to his girlfriend’s funeral…

You are so very right. But that doesn’t make it so.

Have you been talking to anyone about it?

slash wrote:
no fifteen year old should have to go to his girlfriend’s funeral…

:( that’s really really tough. unimaginable. i’m very sorry for your loss. i lost my bestfriend back in high school too (asthma). i thought i’d never get over it. but i really did.

i know this may sound cliched but.. it will really, truly get better with time. that moment when you found out (and accepted) she is gone, that’s the most difficult part. and after that, it will all get better. it will definitely not happen overnight. and it won’t be an easy ride. but it will happen eventually.

i hope you can find good support from your family and friends. and take things one day at a time. there’s a book by C.S Lewis called A Grief Observed. i don’t know if you’re the type who finds comfort in reading books (coz i do), but it’s a great book to read when you’re in grief.

best of luck…

slash wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you been talking to anyone about it?

i’ve talked about it a little to a few of my friends. my father’s been away on a work trip and my mother’s been busy with her job so i haven’t been able to talk with either of them about it.

Reach out when you need someone.

This is fresh, love, its okay to grieve for a while, its natural and needs to be done. You’ll wear it on the inside - loss never really goes away, but it isnt always this sad. It wont always be this way. You wont always feel this way. I know it seems like this pain will never fade - but its not that you forget about it - after a while you just wear it, and it makes you stronger. Adversity makes you stronger.

How about music? Have you turned to anything like that to help you?

Let It Be - The Beatles

mickansakur wrote:

slash wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

slash wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One day at a time.

i wish it were that simple. I wouldn’t wish something like this on my greatest enemy.

What happend if you dont mind saying?

no fifteen year old should have to go to his girlfriend’s funeral…

im so sorry bout your gf. its hard loosing a best friend…. i know it may sound harsh but i think you have to move on. now right away but sooner or later you have to. i dont think she would like it if she saw you so sad and depressed like this. please feel better…

No offense to this dude - but dont let anyone ever tell you to you have to “move on” when you aren’t ready to do so. Everyone deals different.

Sometimes that numbness is a good thing. Sometimes when things get really broken, hearts included, you just need to keep them immobilized for a while to let some very fundamental healing happen before you try poking at it.

If you don’t feel like talking about it, then the best advice I can offer is just go easy on yourself, and be frank with your environment. If you’re not coping, don’t just ditch school. Tell your faculty advisor (or whoever they point you to as being the one who arranges for this kind of thing) that you’re not coping and you’re not well because something legitimately life-altering came down on you. They can make arrangements to help make things easier on you for a while or to make sure you don’t fail out if you need to take some time off.

Tackle tasks one at a time. You may notice yourself dissociating a little, watching yourself from the outside, or observing yourself in a running narrative in your head. This is a coping mechanism, like the numbness, when your system just can’t handle the angst-load, to provide you some relief. It doesn’t mean you’re schizophrenic or crazy. Just try to make the narrative as gentle as possible, and take things in small practical steps. It is even ok to actively remove yourself from your feelings a little when it gets too overwhelming. Imagine looking down at the earth from space, or imagine looking back at yourself in fifty years time. Watch movies. Indulge in passive entertainment and light activity. Meditate on the cold cold water miles beneath the ground and let it ground you and numb you. Take naps. Look into antidepressant medication.

Most importantly, find your reason(s) why you’re not just going to give up, and hold on to them for dear life. It absolutely doesn’t mean you have to be all better by 7am Monday morning, but it’s why you’re going to keep taking small daily steps toward better, and not harpoon the whole rest of your life over one episode, no matter how terrible. It’s why you’re going to talk to your school advisor and (hopefully) a doctor about what help you can get.

If you do feel like talking about it…what happened?

I think the person above gave some excellent advise. Talk to the people at your school - they will understand, or at the very least they will try to. Talk one of your parents and get them to come with you.

I’m so sorry. You’re right, that’s not the kind of thing you would ever wish on anyone. I was eighteen when my best friend died. Car accident. We were so great together. We always joked-but-not-really-joking that we would get married eventually because no one else would ever understand us. I do think I know a little of how you feel, even though there are really no words for it. I died when he died. I have never been the same since, but it hasn’t all been in a bad way. Sure, the first year was torture, and I was so angry at him for leaving me and at God for not fixing this that I could have melted spoons with my mind. But it has been a lesson that I have never forgotten that life is much much too short and too uncertain, and that you have to love people and tell them so as passionately and honestly and gratefully as you can while there’s time. While I would still give anything to see him again and buy him a long life, I wouldn’t trade the lasting effect that one catastrophe and the pain and lessons it brought with it have had on my life for anything. Nothing else would have ever made me brave enough to live life on my own terms.

You will change because of this, and you will always mourn, but you will not forever be eaten alive by it. That’s really the greatest thing about Love. In the end, it will always provide for you. Because I loved him, I died when he died. But because I loved him, it was the kind of death that lets you be reborn. I am fully aware of how doofy that sounds, but its true.