Love help: For five years now I have slowly fallen in love with my best friend. - Help.com

Talk to her.

i think you should tell! :) she’s giving a hint already.

follow your heart. I can tell you dating your friend may be great, but everything can fall a part quickly when it’s over and everything you had is gone

I really want to and probably will if no one else says anything different. I just really feel that I’m going behind my ex’s back. Since she is still one of my really good friends.

Anonymous wrote:
I really want to and probably will if no one else says anything different. I just really feel that I’m going behind my ex’s back. Since she is still one of my really good friends.

how about telling your ex first? not asking her permission really but rather just a heads up. so she won’t be too shocked. :)

Anonymous wrote:
I really want to and probably will if no one else says anything different. I just really feel that I’m going behind my ex’s back. Since she is still one of my really good friends.

You’re not. She is your EX. If she is a true friend to both you and this girl you say you love, than she wont begrudge you for finding love with someone else. Its not like you loved her best friend when you guys were dating - it happened after the fact and you clearly didn’t plan on it. If she gets angry, you remind her of all those facts because she really has no right to be angry with you at this point.

Her and her best friend can figure out the whole “girl code” thing on thier own.

Anonymous wrote:
I really want to and probably will if no one else says anything different. I just really feel that I’m going behind my ex’s back. Since she is still one of my really good friends.

how about you get them both YEA!

usurper wrote:
You’re not. She is your EX. If she is a true friend to both you and this girl you say you love, than she wont begrudge you for finding love with someone else. Its not like you loved her best friend when you guys were dating - it happened after the fact and you clearly didn’t plan on it. If she gets angry, you remind her of all those facts because she really has no right to be angry with you at this point.

Her and her best friend can figure out the whole “girl code” thing on thier own.

Actually, I knew I liked her when I was dating my ex. I just didn’t let it bother me until towards the end of our relationship when I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I thought it was merely a crush. Hell maybe even smaller if possible.

I wish I knew she would be more understanding, because there is a 90% chance that my ex will be so hurt it will ruin her friendship with both of us. Something that I’m not sure I should risk.

Anonymous wrote:

usurper wrote:
You’re not. She is your EX. If she is a true friend to both you and this girl you say you love, than she wont begrudge you for finding love with someone else. Its not like you loved her best friend when you guys were dating - it happened after the fact and you clearly didn’t plan on it. If she gets angry, you remind her of all those facts because she really has no right to be angry with you at this point.

Her and her best friend can figure out the whole “girl code” thing on thier own.

Actually, I knew I liked her when I was dating my ex. I just didn’t let it bother me until towards the end of our relationship when I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I thought it was merely a crush. Hell maybe even smaller if possible.

I wish I knew she would be more understanding, because there is a 90% chance that my ex will be so hurt it will ruin her friendship with both of us. Something that I’m not sure I should risk.

the fact that you are friends with both of them and say you do date this girl even if the one was your ex it would ruin friendships because instead of you three hanging out or whatever the arrangements are it’d be you and this girl you “love”

If you’re in Highschool just risk it!

Anonymous wrote:

usurper wrote:
You’re not. She is your EX. If she is a true friend to both you and this girl you say you love, than she wont begrudge you for finding love with someone else. Its not like you loved her best friend when you guys were dating - it happened after the fact and you clearly didn’t plan on it. If she gets angry, you remind her of all those facts because she really has no right to be angry with you at this point.

Her and her best friend can figure out the whole “girl code” thing on thier own.

Actually, I knew I liked her when I was dating my ex. I just didn’t let it bother me until towards the end of our relationship when I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I thought it was merely a crush. Hell maybe even smaller if possible.

I wish I knew she would be more understanding, because there is a 90% chance that my ex will be so hurt it will ruin her friendship with both of us. Something that I’m not sure I should risk.

Honestly, she doesn’t need to know that. I will only cause pain and aggrivation. This is about you and this girl you love.

You need to figure out what sounds scarier to you

That you may never get the chance to be with her because you never told her or even tried to give it a chance

or

That this might ruin your frienships

@Korwinn
I’m not in high school anymore, but if I was I think risking it would make things worse since I would have to see my ex every day almost.

@usurper
Thanks for helping me, even if the answer was right in front of my face I needed someone to steer me in the right direction. I’m going to tell her how I feel.

If it were me, I would probably talk to my ex first, just to find out where the baseline drama level is going to be. Be up front that you care about her and you’re worried that this will hurt her. Trust me, even if she calls you a tool and throws stuff at you, it will blow over WAY quicker than if you just ignore her feelings and stumble forward. Acknowledge that it’s not a 100% kosher way to feel and she has a right to be annoyed, but you didn’t go looking to feel this way and hope she can accept it. Best case scenario, she really is over you and likes you and wants you to be happy and gives you some good perspective on how to handle the situation. People in general respond way better to being treated like trustworthy adults with legitimate feelings rather than like terrifying obstacles. And really, when it comes to handling the friend you’re in love with, it’s your ex’s advice you want, not mine.:)

@roenmcgloan
Thanks for the advice! My ex is still very much in love with me and wants us to get back together. This is why I’m afraid she will have a VERY negative reaction. If anything ever happens I will respectively talk to my ex. I just hope at that point in time she might be past me.

Thanks everyone for your help!

Sounds like you need to explain to her why you are keeping your distance.

Not as a ploy to win her affections but more so that she does not think that the recent distance is her fault

Anonymous wrote:
@Korwinn
I’m not in high school anymore, but if I was I think risking it would make things worse since I would have to see my ex every day almost.

@usurper
Thanks for helping me, even if the answer was right in front of my face I needed someone to steer me in the right direction. I’m going to tell her how I feel.

my bad it just seem alot of people on here are like 17-18 with the issues. My bad man.

Anonymous wrote:
@roenmcgloan
Thanks for the advice! My ex is still very much in love with me and wants us to get back together. This is why I’m afraid she will have a VERY negative reaction. If anything ever happens I will respectively talk to my ex. I just hope at that point in time she might be past me.

Thanks everyone for your help!

Last thought: If you know your ex is going to be sensitive, do some casual dating NOT with this girl that you’re so crazy about. Just go out on dates, nothing real serious, but enough that you can acclimate your ex to the idea that you ARE single and you ARE kind of looking around and you’re NOT looking for her. You’ll get to have some laughs and know some people and see some movies (or whatever) and it might help shake issues out in a far less dramatic way then adding the whole “oh by the way, I’m in love with your best friend” thing to it.