Relationships help: I need some advise. - Help.com



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I need some advise.

I’m dating a man who is four years older than me, but he’s the greatest man I have ever dated. He’s working on his bachelor’s degree, he’s smart, he’s sweet, kind, and everything else you can dream of.

When the relationship first started out in May, he would tell me little cute things like why he loved me, I was pretty, things like that at random moments. Now, he rarely even tells me he loves me, which, I think is because men like to try to do a sales pitch to a woman, and once they feel secure, they feel as if they aren’t obligated to do it anymore, while I tell him every so often (maybe every other day) that he’s so adorable, cute, or something, but he won’t do it for me unless I beg for it, which I might beg for once a month, at the maximum.

I’m scared about his weight as well, I want him to be happy, but I don’t want to make him miserable by me mentioning something. He weighs about 300 pounds and is 6′4″, and I’m scared he will die of a heart attack at a young age, or develop diabetes, or heart disease, but I don’t want to be harsh by me telling him my fears about his health, because I absolutely find him adorable, how do I approach that?

He also has huge dreams and aspirations to own a gaming studio of his own, and his friends that are supporting him, along with me, don’t like me! I’m trying to do everything for them to like me.

Also, if we are chatting, wither it’s on the computer, on the telephone, on a game console, texting, etc. if we run into the SMALLEST glitch (can be as small as him wanting to buy me something, and I won’t let him because I don’t need him to, I can buy myself whatever I want. The girls he has dated before would use him as a jealous decoy while they patch up their previous relationships, and would use him for money, items, and so on and so forth, so I can’t bring myself to letting him get me anything.) As I was saying, when the smallest glitch between us happens, he “appears offline”, and ignores me. I’m thinking if I ever invite him over to my home one day, and we have a very very small disagreement, is he going to be hiding under my bed sheets?!

What should I do with the above?
Thank you in advance.

This open post was written 2 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 87, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 152 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (23 minutes after post)

Sounds like his insecurities have gotten the best of him. You and him need to be more open and communicative with each other so you know what you want and expect out of the relationship and you know where he stands as to what to expect from you. As far as his previous girlfriends using him for jealousy purposes, maybe he’s gun shy with you. He probably needs a lot of reassurance from you that you’re not doing that. You also have to take into consideration that you have only been dating for 3 months and that both of you are discovering each other.

If you came here for help with these issues, it shows that you are willing to put the time and effort into the relationship. Some men are naturally amorous and affectionate while others think it’s a given and you should already know that. But, if he needs prodding for him to be affectionate with you and to use those terms of endearment, then he thinks you are in the bag. Maybe you need to show him that he should not take you for granted and that you also need some loving and a little term of endearment thrown your way at least once or twice a week. Don’t let him take you for granted because if you are complaining now that the relationship is fairly new, you will be complaining still when the relationship becomes permanent and for years to come.

Talk to him and get your cards on the table and have a very long heart to heart and don’t leave things unsaid or up in the air for interpretation otherwise your relationship will be full of missunderstanding and you will never see the end of it.

As far as his friends not liking you, see if you can make someheadway there by being nice. Always smile and if he puts his friends before you, try to understand and try to accomodate his friends in your relationship. Otherwise, it might be a sign that you and him are never going to work out all the kinks in your relationship.

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