care help: I am having a problem with the care of my elderly mother, that unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be any legal solution to. - Help.com



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I am having a problem with the care of my elderly mother, that unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be any legal solution to.

Because of a stroke in 2006, my mother is unable to take care of herself, and has been left with diminished mental faculties. My mother did not leave any instructions on who was to take care of her if anything should happen to her. She often said she wanted me to take care of her, but she never left anything in writing.

After her stroke, my aunt and my two brothers, one younger and one older, conspired to put my mother in various nursing homes, while my aunt obtained legal guardianship of her, over my express objections, and eventually to move my mother in with my aunt.

My objections had the following basis: 1) My aunt is a petty, mentally unstable person. Everyone in my family says that she is bipolar. Whether this is true or not I do not know, but she is petty, selfish, and crooked. She does not like me in particular because I share the looks and name of my deceased father, who she did not like. She does not like one of her great nephews because he is light skinned, and she didn’t like his DOG because the dog reminded her of his mother, who happens to be white. She is also prejudiced against, pretty much everyone, including Asians, Africans, Native Americans, Indians, and White people. And with all of these issues, this wonderful person is a children’s services worker for the Great State of Ohio. 2) My aunt has never liked my mother, and often conspired to steal from my mother, and overcharge her for loans. Many a day, I would find my mother crying about something my aunt had done to her. 3) My family has never really been there for my mother period. At the time my mother had her stroke, she was about to move in with me, because my younger brother whose name was first on the lease we were living under kicked us out. At the time I was paying her bills and her rent as well as mine on time in full. Not one member of my family was willing to take my mother in (and indeed, she was not on good terms with the family period), so I invited her to live with me.

Immediately after she had her stroke, I saw my mom every day, as she was not expected to pull through. She did, and this was when my other family members began conspiring: at first my mother was continuously moved from hospital room to hospital room without my knowledge: I would only find out what room she was in or what floor she was on after asking everyone on a given floor where she was moved to. Then she was discharged and put in several nursing homes without my consent. Upon asking my family members what was going on, my aunt refused to talk to me. My brothers said that they would communicate what was going on with my mother since my aunt would not talk to me. However, for the past 3 years, they have consistently not done that. My aunt has gotten guardianship of my mother, and I am kept in the dark about the state of her health or how many medical treatments that she has had. She has been moved around from house to house, and the majority of the time I have found out where my mom was being moved to by either sheer luck, or asking someone who happened to see her be moved. However today I was not so lucky, as my mom was moved, and EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY has refused to tell me where my mom is. My older brother even accused me of first doing something to my mother, and then my aunt. I have never done anything to my mother, nor my aunt.

As unbelievable as this sounds, it is all true. I am not some drunkard or abuser or washout or anything like that. I am a man with a clean criminal record, blue collar worker, working his way through college, fairly mild mannered, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t sleep around, don’t raise any hell, hurt any people, or any such thing. I pay my bills on time, my taxes, and live within my means. I am not a monster. However, my aunt, and my two brothers have consistently conspired to keep me from seeing my mom, my aunt because of her dislike for me, and my two brothers because we have never gotten along, and they are influenced both by my aunt, and their wives, who are friends with my aunt. At this point, I do not know where my mom is. I do not know who her legal guardian is. None of my family are answering their phones. I have evidence of my family’s lies and deception on tape, however I don’t know if that will do any good. I don’t even know if there is a legal solution to this, as all the lawyers I have spoken to about this have told me that I technically don’t have a right to know anything about my mother.

So hey, I don’t even know. As it stands without some serious sleuthing, I’m not going to find my mother. If anyone can help me with this situation, great. If not, I understand. Thanks.

This open post was written 2 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 133, 6, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Cell offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 63 #
Winnipeg, MB, CA | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (44 minutes after post)

I believe you and I believe you want the best for your mom.

Why do they all dislike you so?

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Anonymous #
2 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 46 minutes after post)

Oh hun… I had the benefit of having my father living with me at my step mom’s place when he got sick so my family couldn’t take him away, but I feel for you. I don’t see a solution, but I will pray for comfort for both of you.

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scary doll offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (2 hours, 19 minutes after post)

If you are in Scotland then I can advise you. This is my day job! The rest of the world have different laws and legislation that I do no understand.

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Anonymous #
2 months, 3 weeks ago (9 hours, 3 minutes after post)

Well, it’s not that they dislike me and just me so much as that it’s not a very good family, and almost everyone in it is always trying to do everyone else dirty. It’s just that in this particular instance, several people’s goals overlap with each other. For example, my aunt doesn’t like my older brother’s wife, nor she her, but they pow wow together when it comes to things that they both want (berating my older brother, scamming people out of money, ganging up on people that they both hate more than each other). Same for my younger brother, and almost everyone else in my family.

My younger brother didn’t like or respect my mother, and my older brother almost NEVER came to see her when she was well OR when she was sick. Ditto with my aunt. Furthermore, before my mom got sick, everyone mentioned, would fight like cats and dogs with each other. The only reason they’re all working together now, is because they are stealing whatever public assistance my mom is getting, and not even putting it back into her rehabilitation, instead doing things like paying off car notes, buying big screen TV’s, and exercise machines that aren’t designed for my mom.

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Cell offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 63 #
Winnipeg, MB, CA | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (11 hours, 31 minutes after post)

Pay someone to tell you where she is.

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Cell offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 63 #
Winnipeg, MB, CA | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (11 hours, 32 minutes after post)

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

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