Love help: Relationship/dating problem: just a warning, this is going to be a HUGE wall of text. - Help.com

Ask her out for coffee.

I promise if she’s as charming as you claim…

That on the off chance she’s not interested she will know the right answer to “I really like you, will you go out with me?” to keep your friendship safe.

Most likely she hasn’t dated a whole lot either and will say yes.

I would recommend doing it soon though before some other bozzo notices what a treasure she is and acts first.

dude, i walk in the same shoes.

helpful hints
A- stop thinking
B- go up to her
C- explain your feelings

this way, there is no confusion. she will know whether or not you like her. and its that confusion that creates the mixed signals. Once she knows about you, she’ll tell you how she feels about you. obviously, she isn’t gonna rip your heart out, but expect the truth.

Learn to care less about somethings. Learn to stop over thinking and being overly emotional. This will help you in the long run.

Last but not least, good luck dude

WHOAH…. yahhh… that is. a- a - a -a O_O…. SUMMARIZE!!!!!!

i’ll help you anyways…

first of all, don’t jump to conclusions so early…. when you see a girl talking to another boy, it doesn’t really mean like shes going out with him or she likes him, she might just be asking for help on hw or just talking to one of her good guy friends.

second of all, you won’t find out if she likes you unless you ask her!
and it is always awkward talking to someone you kinda like

last of all: you could just ask a friend to tell the girl that you like her, or you could just say hey, you wanna go to the movies or something with me and a couple of friends??? (example) that way it won’t be awkward just you and her… then you’ll find out how you feel about her.

you don’t have to listen to my advice :P it might not even make sense ha ha

~charlotte

Thanks for the replies guys. I didn’t mention that she might be coming over tomorrow so we can share/trade our music collections, so maybe I’ll tell her how I feel then, and ask her out to a movie or something :)

Good Luck :D

What you wrote is **** near universal with guys. I am sure most guys have been in your exact position at one point or another. Just a warning, however, from personal experience; NEVER write walls of text this long. Yes, I realize you wrote beforehand that you don’t do this quite often. Nonetheless, I have always noticed that when texts are this long, all the replies are either completely irrelevant (They didn’t understand) and/or they are complaining about its length (Can somebody summarize this? etc.)

From what you have written, it sounds like you passed the second hardest hurdle; Getting to know the girl (The hardest is asking her out obviously). That’s very good. When I read your second paragraph, I almost wrongly concluded that you were just another lovestruck guy who fell for a girl for nothing other then her superficiality.

You say you are hesitant in asking her out because you feel that due to your emotional instabilities, she deserves someone better. I’m going to be real frank and to the point here; This is probably (emphasis on probably, meaning it may not pertain to you) a mental excuse that you have thought of yourself so that when somebody really does ask her out, you can use this as your excuse. In other words, you are only feeling sorry for yourself by saying things like “She deserves somebody better then me”. I truly speak this from experience when I say this. I was in your position once and I can tell you one thing for sure; if I can go back and ask the girl I liked out, I would. But instead I felt sorry for myself like you are doing to yourself now by saying stuff like “I’m this and this so she deserves somebody better” and, ultimately, I was the only one unhappy and full of regrets.

As for the whole “Does she like me or not?” question, I’m afraid I don’t have the energy at the moment (studied 8 hours for my Government constitution test tomorrow) to answer. But, once again, I can tell you from experience that some girls are far more prone to emotional/hormonal reactions then others. I would even go as far as to suspect that she is bipolar, albeit your description of her doesn’t exactly constitute a bipolar person.

My only advice to you, despite it’s bland and cliché theme, is to take the initiative. Don’t be like me and who-knows-how-many-guys who ended up in regret because they didn’t make a move. I am not necessarily advocating asking her straight out immediately. Get closer to her somehow (study together, spend weekends possibly). That’s it. I’m done. I am quite literally 6 seconds away from passing out. I am not going to bother proofread whatever the hell I just wrote. Please pardon whatever errors I may have made. Good night.

So my two cents (and kudos to a fellow word-hose!:)

Good for you recognizing that jealousy is not a good or helpful or loving way to think about a person. It CAN be dealt with, however, and you should probaly work on that if you’re going to be dating a girl who is very into being cuddly and friendly and outgoing with her friends. You don’t want to either be one of those controlling jerks that starts dating a girl just to crush her spirit so you can feel safe, or a neurotic mess who’s constantly climbing the walls because the jealousy and insecurity are eating him alive but he’s too nice to say anything.

The first step to managing this gnawing demon is to recognize the jealousy for what it is. It’s just fear. It’s fear of losing something you want very much, fear that someone else is going to take away somethign that you feel you desperately need. That’s all. It’s very normal and very human, and it certainly doesn’t make you a monster. But it’s also not productive or rational, and that’s why we dont’ let it drive the bus.:)

It’s like any other fear.
1. Acknowledge it, because trying to squash it just makes it loom larger.
2. Disassemble it. What’s the worst that can happen? Which of your assumptions are realistic (and therefore something you can work on) and which are unrealistic (and should be dismissed)? You seem to be good at processing things in writing, so it can help to write yourself letters to try and get the whole mess spread out in front of you.
3. Put it in perspective. How much of this fear is actually to do with her (like fear of not getting to know her in as many ways as possible because she’s just that fascinating to you) and how much is really all about you (fear of what it will say about your manhood, your desirability, your potential to ever be happy ever, if she doesn’t validate you by falling madly in love with you). THe parts that are about her will usually be fairly benign and complimentary, and therefore easy to talk about with her and have them allayed. THe ones about you are stuff that you need to work on, but once you are aware of how they’re really about you and not about her, you’re less likely to act like a jerk because of them.
4. Take that perspective a step farther. Even if she doesn’t like you “that way” you’ll be less likely to take that as a bitter personal insult to your manhood or indicator of personal failure and unattractiveness if do a good job in step 3 (good for you!:). But even if you do start dating, and especially if you don’t, recognize the value of her as a friend. When you really adore someone, it doesn’t matter whether or not they want to jump you, it’s just nice having them in your life in whatever way is comfortable. Think about yourself and what’s best for you. The best and most enduring friendships are unique because no one gets caught up in making sure all the lables and behaviors fit a certain paradigm. If you do end up dating, or if you don’t, recognize that that doesn’t alter the fundamental mystery of you-as-you and her-as-her and the more-than-the-sum-of-parts that you are together. Value your relationship for what it is, and be present in it rather than fretting about labels. Stupid people are always trying to make hard and fast rules about relationships, when in truth the only real rules are the ones you negotiate between you.

Ok, step 4 needs to go on a diet.

I would lay money that she does like you. Like you, she’s probably being a little cagey. So my only advice there is a qualified “GO for it!”

The qualifiers:
Since you’ve never dated anyone before, be prepared to screw up, but don’t force her to mentor you on how to be a boyfriend. If you take initiative asking her out and she accepts, continue to be proactive in exploring your relationship. If you screw up, say you’re sorry, don’t think it’s the end of the world, and keep going. Like with the texting, it’s good to check in with her to find out how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking and how she’s reacting to you…just not every ten minutes.:) Other than that, just be honest and be willing to take things slow.

I think I may have hit the “longer than the original post” mark…sorry there.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!