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Confide it people who actually care about you.
I’m sorry your family are not being supportive of whatever it is you’ve gone through that’s lead to you feeling this way. You really should find someone unconnected to talk to, like a teacher/therapist/samaritans, someone who will listen and take you seriously. You are not being silly in needing to be heard. Have you seen a doctor, are you on any prescribed medication for your depession?
Maybe, if you wanted to try again with your mom, you could write her a letter? It’s less confrontational and gives you time to really get out everything you feel and need to say, in a way that might feel like less of an attack to her about her not being there for you. She may be more responsive if she knows the whole story instead of the little truths.
Best of luck x
Cell wrote:
Confide it people who actually care about you.
I have no one. As pathetic as this sounds-I’m a loner. I have my niece & she & I connect on this issue, but she’s 13…how can she help someone who’s going to be 16.. ?
bloodonablacktshir wrote:
I’m sorry your family are not being supportive of whatever it is you’ve gone through that’s lead to you feeling this way. You really should find someone unconnected to talk to, like a teacher/therapist/samaritans, someone who will listen and take you seriously. You are not being silly in needing to be heard. Have you seen a doctor, are you on any prescribed medication for your depession?
Maybe, if you wanted to try again with your mom, you could write her a letter? It’s less confrontational and gives you time to really get out everything you feel and need to say, in a way that might feel like less of an attack to her about her not being there for you. She may be more responsive if she knows the whole story instead of the little truths.
Best of luck x
I’m afraid to talk to a teacher… I’ve did that once & I got shipped to the nearest psyciatric hopsital around me which btw didn’t help. All they did was lock me in a room. I’ve concidered therapy, I’ve asked my mom (she doesn’t let me go out unless I’m with my dad) if therapy would be an option & she says that I’m okay & fine & I don’t need it cause I’m “not crazy anymore”.& I’m terrified of meds that aren’t natural. I’m afraid of side effects :(.
I’ve written letters before I even burned my tongue while I ate soup in front of her so it could be easier to cry (crazy I know, right?). My dad is less involved because he’s more with the “you’re supposed to love God, stop doing that!” & my mom’s you know.. the emotional one. But I hate when she compares my emotional pain to what happened so others. It’s like “geez mom, I came out of your body, I was connected to you, where’s the connection now???”.
.-. The water works are starting now..
Cell invited 1 user to read this post 2 months, 4 weeks ago.
Hello.
It sounds like you need a big hug.
So I brought you one.
What happened to cause you pain?
Did something trigger your depression?
Maybe it would help to talk things through right from the beginning and then we can figure out who could help you best and how to get your family on board.
x_glitter wrote:
I’m afraid to talk to a teacher… I’ve did that once & I got shipped to the nearest psyciatric hopsital around me which btw didn’t help. All they did was lock me in a room. I’ve concidered therapy, I’ve asked my mom (she doesn’t let me go out unless I’m with my dad) if therapy would be an option & she says that I’m okay & fine & I don’t need it cause I’m “not crazy anymore”.& I’m terrified of meds that aren’t natural. I’m afraid of side effects :(.
I’ve written letters before I even burned my tongue while I ate soup in front of her so it could be easier to cry (crazy I know, right?). My dad is less involved because he’s more with the “you’re supposed to love God, stop doing that!” & my mom’s you know.. the emotional one. But I hate when she compares my emotional pain to what happened so others. It’s like “geez mom, I came out of your body, I was connected to you, where’s the connection now???”.
.-. The water works are starting now..
I agree with mumstheword. Tell what happened if you can, it may be easier to help you that way. But if you’ve had this problem for a long time and still think you need help then have you considered going to a doctor? I don’t know if you’d be able to, but a doctor may be able to listen to you and help you decide what help you need and convince your parents it’s a good idea. I can understand your concern about unnatural medicines, but somethimes there are imbalances in the body that can be righted with them, they don’t have to be bad and you can talk through side-effects to see if you’re happy you will cope.
*hugs* if you need to cry just let it out. Keeping it in will make you feel worse.
You don’t mention your age. Would it be ok to tell us?
mumstheword wrote:
Hello.
It sounds like you need a big hug.
So I brought you one.
:3 Lol thanks! *huggle*
Actually yes. My siblings were always judgemental towards what I liked, wore, even my skin color. When I was younger, I was obese & they used to call me ugly, cheeseball & always said “YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FIT IN THE SEAT!”. They called me a “fake Dominican” because I’m slightly pale, I’m not bilingual & I don’t listen to spanish music. My sister was also always conpetitive. She always did something to make her seem superior. She always said to my face “I’m older than you. I’m smarter than you. I’m skinnier than you. I’m prettier than you.” Oh, & she’s always right & I’m wrong. Now that we’re older & my hatred is more than ever towards them- None of them know the true me & I have an unforgetable anger towards them.
My dad loves the booze & I had to cancel on my boyfriend a few times because my dad gets loud. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with my dad. He’s extremely loving :3.
My mom on the other hand, is also loving & she’s backed me up a couple of times before, but she tends to think there’s bigger problems in life- which I do agree with, but I’m not healed yet & I told her she needs to understand that…She disagreed.
My family is more apart than ever & my self esteem is at it’s lowest putting me in a struggle with an eating disorder.
I blame myself. I blame myself for ruining their lives because I’ve made too many mistakes. I hate myself. In a way, I hope I die.
…Yeah… I hope that wouldn’t be confusing…
mumstheword wrote:
You don’t mention your age. Would it be ok to tell us?
I’m 15 going on 16 in ….
20 days :D.
I do know a doctor I can talk to… but I’m scared. :/ Like what if she tells my mom about my eating disorder? My mom starts to cry on those breaking occasions, then she gets mad & pulls the blame game.
X-glitter. Talk to your doctor hun, she CANNOT tell your mom. She took an oath of confidentiality as a doctor, and she must adhere to it unless she feels your life is in danger-if your eating disorder had progressed that far your mom would most likely have noticed anyway. Please, talk to your doctor.
Well, the root of this seems to lie in your self-esteem.
It’s taken a battering.
And the trouble is, that early experiences with your siblings contributed to it. So I’m not surprised you don’t feel able to open up. Deep down you are angry with them.. all of them… siblings for hurting you and mom and dad for not stepping in to protect you. It’s hard to open up when you lose trust and feel insecure.
The thing is, your mom and dad probably don’t have any idea why you are depressed. Your siblings certainly won’t come clean (they probably don’t realise the hurt they caused anyhow). Mom and Dad are on a huge parenting learning curve. They can relate to your siblings problems because they were physical and visible. Depression is not visible. Some people cannot understand it simply because they cannot literally see it. If we grew green spots on our noses when we were depressed, everyone would sympathise and say “oh honey, you need to get some treatment to help you with that… let me support you”.
Now, in your subconscious, what you are doing with your eating disorder is desperately trying to “create” a visible presence in a way. Add to that your low self esteem and oh boy, what a vicious circle you get yourself into.
If this seems to make sense so far, let me know.
x_glitter wrote:
I blame myself. I blame myself for ruining their lives because I’ve made too many mistakes. I hate myself. In a way, I hope I die.
…Yeah… I hope that wouldn’t be confusing…
You’re too young to have made ‘too many mistakes’. Dying is never the answer. You’ve reached out on here and proved you’re stronger than that. Don’t put yourself down, it’s not worth it. And don’t ever, ever say you hope you die, you have so much life ahead of you to live and love, and in time I’m sure if you get the help you need and deserve you will see that.
Mumstheword, you make perfect sense. It’s awful that just because things are not seen, they are not believed. I think it looks like you’ve hit the nail on the head. There’s also the issue of control, with an eating disorder.
bloodonablacktshir wrote:
X-glitter. Talk to your doctor hun, she CANNOT tell your mom. She took an oath of confidentiality as a doctor, and she must adhere to it unless she feels your life is in danger-if your eating disorder had progressed that far your mom would most likely have noticed anyway. Please, talk to your doctor.
Oh… I thought they just tell anyhow because I’m a minor. :] thanks.
mumstheword wrote:
Well, the root of this seems to lie in your self-esteem.
It’s taken a battering.
And the trouble is, that early experiences with your siblings contributed to it. So I’m not surprised you don’t feel able to open up. Deep down you are angry with them.. all of them… siblings for hurting you and mom and dad for not stepping in to protect you. It’s hard to open up when you lose trust and feel insecure.
The thing is, your mom and dad probably don’t have any idea why you are depressed. Your siblings certainly won’t come clean (they probably don’t realise the hurt they caused anyhow). Mom and Dad are on a huge parenting learning curve. They can relate to your siblings problems because they were physical and visible. Depression is not visible. Some people cannot understand it simply because they cannot literally see it. If we grew green spots on our noses when we were depressed, everyone would sympathise and say “oh honey, you need to get some treatment to help you with that… let me support you”.
Now, in your subconscious, what you are doing with your eating disorder is desperately trying to “create” a visible presence in a way. Add to that your low self esteem and oh boy, what a vicious circle you get yourself into.
If this seems to make sense so far, let me know.
You have a point that I missed…Thank you. I missed on how my parents wouldn’t know if I wasn’t open enough. LOL brainfart.
” Now, in your subconscious, what you are doing with your eating disorder is desperately trying to “create” a visible presence in a way. Add to that your low self esteem and oh boy, what a vicious circle you get yourself into.”
:/ I’m alittle confused about that…Sorry.
I’ll try and put it another way.
Your eating disorder is connected to your self-esteem. But it’s also your brain’s way of trying to get help for your depression.. you don’t realise it because it’s a subconscious thing.
When you have an eating disorder, you change physically. It’s like your brain is shouting “see, it’s physical.. now you have to help”.
People tell you you have nothing to be down about..they still don’t see… your eating disorder gets bigger.. they keep on saying it…
It’s a viscious circle.
But we can break the circle.
Ohhh. I understand now :). Also, I know dying isn’t the answer… I’ve been close to that mark once- didn’t help. I smack the thoughts out of my head when they get intense , but it keeps coming back :/.
How do I break the cycle besides with telling my doctor?…Like, even if I know 106 is a low number, & I know it’s still in my head, when I try to eat I get nauseous & stop.
I know a doctor can help emotionally & physicaly but what about when I’m at home?
:] I’ll stop bugging you after this, I promise…
I think you’re a resonable age to be taken seriously. 12/13, you may be right, but at almost 16 I’m pretty sure your doctor will be respectful of whatever you ask, though she will probably strongly suggest you tell your parents, she cannot make you and will more than likely even help you with it if you do have a nice doctor.
Here’s what we can do to break the circle.
First, work at boosting your self-esteem. Keep reminding yourself that you are beautiful, you are unique and special. Take a notepad and every day, write on it something you feel good about. As the days progress, read back the previous notes to yourself.
It’s important to talk to your doctor about how you feel. He will have experience to know how best to approach your problem. Don’t hold back on things. Right down what you want to say before you go so you don’t miss anything out. He needs a full picture. Go armed with some questions and ideas: does he think you should be checked over to see if there is a hormonal imbalance contributing to your problem? can he put you in touch with a support group for teens?
There are some great videos to relax and boost you on youtube. It’s like having a personal therapist in your bedroom! Find a quiet time to try them out. Here’s one to start you off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFvelH…
Thank you both. You’ve been a huge help to me today! I just scheduled an oppiontment for next Tuesday :3. hehe.
I will take everything you both have suggested in to consideration….
Also, mumstheword, Thank you for the link. :]
Well done!
Making the appointment is the hardest part!
Now you can look forward to getting well :)
Well good for you, I hope it goes well at the appointment. Come back and let us know how it goes, okay?
*hugs*
mumstheword wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUWGBQ… What have you done today to make you feel proud? Well, you just did what a lot of adults struggle to do. :)
bloodonablacktshir wrote:
Well good for you, I hope it goes well at the appointment. Come back and let us know how it goes, okay?
*hugs*
:] I’m all hyper now. :D From the bottom of my heart, thank you! & I will :]
I’m now closing this post :D
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