girlfriend help: My girlfriend and I argue badly. - Help.com

Umm well u cant be dealin wit someone like that its not right she wants 2 control not love you

Both of you are in a very unhealthy relationship. I woul either talk to a counselor or split up. If you don’t do one of the two or both, both of you are going to mess your lives up even more.

I have suggested that we talk to a counsellor on a number of occasions, but my girlfriend says that if we can’t solve it ourselves then no-one can. I wish we could just take some advice on how to help each other. I am not a violent person, and I hate being involved in this, but I feel like inside me there is someone who knows it can be ok. I just can’t get past the closed mindedness.

Ok, here’s the problem. . . you both have a lack of communication. You said you don’t know why she acts the way she does, right? Have you ever asked her or tried to figure out what’s wrong?

I think about it all the time, but I do struggle to remain focussed on it. She never shares her thoughs or feeling so I have to really put the effort in to get it out of her. I think I do know why she acts the way she does, it’s because there is no disciplinarian figure in her life, and I don’t know if there ever has been. She does what she wants, and when she doesn’t get it, trouble happens…

It might be hard, but keep putting in that effort. Go to her right now and hold her and tell her that you will always be there for her. Tell her that she can trust you and TRY to get whatever is in her out. Be understanding and let her know that you are willing to help her through it. Try it. . .

It sounds like you let your frustration get the better of you. Having one person do more chores than the other has been around for centuries… it’s just that the norm was for the woman to do it all. It is good that you look after your house and her, but dont take it out on her, just appreciate her for who she is and maybe just ask her nicely to help out but in a nice way.

As for her being controlling, it just sounds like she is good at voicing her opinions, again, something that you cannot hold against someone. I doubt very much she wont let your parents spend their money, it is just that she thinks it could be better spent another way or something like that, just an opinion….and thee is nothing wrong with that unless she ACTUALLY wont let them decorate or something. I’m sure you have your own opinion too.

It sounds like you have anger management issues. Tell me, do you struggle to keep your cool? and do you take it out on her? Do you get stroppy? have mood swings? Get petty? Call names?

As for following her around shopping, if you love her, you’d enjoy this with her, not make her feel bad about it…girls like to shop! and i’m sure it isnt ALL the time! Have you tried suggesting something else to do? Maybe you could take her out for dinner? or do something romantic?

Girls like to be treated like princesses and they like to be looked after, but if you doing all that you do for her just causes he this pain, i’m sure she’d prefer to live in filth! I know I would!

Regardless of all of this, the one thing you cannot do is let your frustration cause you to hurt her physically, that is a complete no no. The poor girl must feel completely drowned too. I’m sure she is more scared of you than you are of her and it sounds like your arguments are born out of your own issues with feeling inadequate and your inability to deal with your anger/frustration.

If she has good qualities, and her only bad qualities are that she likes to shop, she doesnt do many chores and she voices her opinions, then she cant be all that bad and maybe you need to look within yourself.

What would she say your bad qualities are? What would you say your bad qualities are? Are they worse than what hers are? Does she put up with more from you than you do with her?

I know that when you are in a relationship it is easy to lose trak of friends. This isnt something you can blam on anyone but yourself. A lot of couples keep their social lives seperate also.

You say you have changed for the worse… no one changes you but you.

How can I stop her and myself from being violent? you just do. if you arent violent with her, she wont be violent with you. Women sometimes feel the need to fight back as they do not want to feal weak compared to a man who is hurting them, even if it means they will get hurt even more.

How can I stop her from being controlling and selfish? If you want to go an see your friends, just do it. Unless there is a real reason why you should be with her (i.e. her cat died, or she is ill or something) then if she loves you she wont stop you doing that.

How can I help her to make a contribution to our relationship? Contribution to your ‘relationship’ or the chores?