I can barely function, please help.

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I can barely function, please help.

I’ve been able to hold the title of “cutter” for the past two years. During the past eight months or so, things have improved, especially with the self injury, but recently, things have just gotten worse and worse.

Ever since the beginning of August, I’ve been stressing out, having multiple breakdowns per week. Two weeks ago, I decided that I would allow myself to cut. Just once… I know that was stupid, but I did it, and now I can’t stop. I am in so much pain right now, and I have no one to blame but myself.

I’ve been running around like crazy, finishing up schoolwork and doing errands for my mother. It’s been particularly difficult to deal with her lately. She’s acquired this notion that my life revolves around what her needs. It’s tearing me to pieces. I have so much work to do just for school, and she won’t listen. She tells me that I brought this upon myself, that I manage my time poorly. She doesn’t realize that I spend every extra minute I have working. When I’m not in therapy, I’m working. And I’m exhausted. I keep waking up at 4:00 just to finish my homework. I’m so stressed out. When I tell her that I am too tired to go buy some bread for dinner, she becomes passive aggressive. I feel awful. When I told her that the way she’s been treating me hurts, her specific words were, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I don’t want to discuss this.” She just kept saying that over and over.

I feel like she would rather have me dead. I’ve never felt like such a burden to my family. I am ruining my life, and I can’t even talk to my therapist about it. I’m too afraid. I have no one to go to… that’s how I’ve ended up here. The cuts are still fresh, from last night, and I know that can’t be good. It’s going deeper now. And I know I shouldn’t. But the nightmares… I can’t deal with them without this. I’ve never had problems with nightmares before a few weeks ago.

I want an end.

This open post was written 6 months ago | V/U/S: 152, 3, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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linuxya 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 6 months ago (7 minutes after post)

One of the most interesting things about human beings is they would rather die than face their fears. Don’t get me wrong, I have often felt this myself.

You’re having a horrible time, obviously. But what’s causing all the trouble is your anxiety. You’re afraid you can’t cope and so you want to check out. Understandable. I’ve been there so many times myself.

Relief is as simple as this: become an active person instead of a passive person. This means you don’t allow yourself to be a victim. You make your own goals, your own decisions and you stick with them even when you get anxious, even when others get upset with you. This includes setting limits.

One limit is not allowing others to put you down. When they do this you tell them it is unacceptable behaviour.

Another limit is not allowing yourself to have all your time sucked up by one thing so there is no time for other things. You need to set your priorities and enforce them.

Another limit is not allowing yourself to let your anxiety spin out of control. Go ahead and feel anxious and suicidal but cut it off after fifteen minutes or so and start planning specific actions to take to simplify your life and chase your goals. I do this and it seems to work.

Create new social networks. People need people. The whole loner thing is actually a twisted justification to avoid social phobia. Believe me, I’ve been there. Go to meetup.com, join classes, etc. No time? Make a list of priorities and cut the stuff at the bottom.

Look, your health and your survival are the most important. Right now, you have those things at the BOTTOM of your priority list! Put them at the top!!!

Anonymous #
6 months ago (11 minutes after post)

Thank you. That is very helpful.

wallarookille 1 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months ago (2 hours, 40 minutes after post)

You can get through this just hang on. theres always another turn in the road.

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