feelings help: I feel like I have so little to live for. - Help.com

How old are you?

Well, I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I’m going to tell you anyway. Your life is just beginning. All you have to do is put it in some kind of order and try to organize it the best you can.

Makes sense. How are you doing in school?

Make sure you try to keep most of your time busy. With school, you will probably have not problem doing that. I have a cousin who is busy almost 18 hours a day and she has no time to worry about anything else but school. She’s a valedectiorian just like you. The key is to try to avoid idle time and keep busy. Do that.

Don’t think about negative crap. Would you like to see the webstite about positive affirmations that helped me immensely when I went through my depression?

Thank you for your reply Lucy. I read your post and i felt for you so much. And this is the selfish thing - i feel the same!

I am 50 and have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after suffering many of the feelings you expressed for most of my life. Maybe you could look it up on the internet? Many of the articles say it is ‘incurable’ but it isn’t. At the very least you will be able to improve and manage the condition (if this is what you have).

Most important you need to talk to somebody - a doctor who may be able to refer you on. i know this can be frightening and maybe taking a written account of how you feel would be a good idea (especially as you express yourself so well)

Please take my advice and see somebody soon - i wish i had started to manage my feelings when i was 16 and not now at 50

Let me know how you get on. x x x

This has helped me immensely:

http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/

Don’t go back to Self destructive behavior. That should never be an option. When you feel like doing that again, talk to somebody. Don’t keep quiet. Even if you come here and ask us for help, come here. Somebody will always be here to talk to you.

Lucy, I so hope you re right and that you will feel better soon but please make a mental note of BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER and if your not feeling better some way down the line you might look into it then?

you are right we are the only ones who can help ourselves but sometimes we need help from others to show us the way to go.

keep positive and please have a good future. x x x

Have you read my essay on depression?

Yes. Would you like to read it?

When you said the part about people thinking that you’re faking is what made me think about my own depression and my essay.

Here:

I’m going to say the following, hopefully somebody will read it:

Depression is never comforting. Depression is the worst kind of enemy you can have in your life. You don’t want it; you don’t need it; you don’t deserve it. Yet, it keeps on wanting you, it keeps on making you think that you need to feel depressed because you think that is how everybody thinks of you anyway.

I have felt such depression in my life. It’s when you think that maybe you have not been a good person and your depression is your damnation for eternity. I thought sometimes that it would be better if I was not in this world, but I overcame it. It is a poison that poisons you and sometimes poisons your family, your neighbors, your friends, even acquaintances that barely know you because they don’t know how to deal with it and with you when you are depressed.

For some people it’s fatal. They end up committing suicide because they see death as the only way out of their depression. Some people end up killing other people because they want to blame others for their depression and end up hurting innocent people who don’t even know that the person was even depressed.

I have seen firsthand those depressed people who end up exploding like a big volcano spewing boiling lava and decimating everything and everybody on its path. I never found comfort in my depression. I never wanted to go back nor do I want to go back to it now. I do not want to be familiar with it ever again, even though sometimes I still have bouts of depression. I fight my way out of that depression and thank God it still has not won against me.

It took me a long time of panic attacks, depression attacks, withdrawals from my family and friends to come to terms that I was the one who was going to have to attack my depression instead of letting it attack me. I was going to make things happen instead of letting things happen to me.

It’s no picnic when you have all the curtains in your room closed and do not and cannot leave your house because you don’t want to see the light of day or face people in your life because you think that they are out to get you and don’t understand what you are going through. Because is never easy to understand by people who don’t have it. But it’s not their fault nor is it yours. Is that stupid depression’s fault. Is all those days when you don’t even want to talk to your parents, your children, to your brother, to your sister, your teachers, your counselor, when you feel at your worst and think that the abyss that you are facing will never end and you are going to keep on falling in without stop. Everybody is a victim of your depression. The sad part is that you are the one with it, you are the one who has to deal with it.

Other people want you to be normal and do not understand how debilitating this sickness is. Other people think that you are “faking” it because you don’t want to go to work or school and want to be taken care of by your family. They think that you are just lazy and just don’t want to get out of bed. What they don’t know is that depression gets a hold of you and won’t let you go sometimes no matter what you do, what other people do, what everybody tells you and all the things combined that everybody can do. I do hope that anybody who reads this someday can find comfort in something else other than depression and I do hope that you don’t want to stay in that familiar territory of being depressed all the time. Come out. Fight as much as you can fight against this horrible decease that afflicts millions and millions of people. God bless everybody and anybody who is suffering from this horrible illness and pray that you and anybody you know who affected by this illness makes a full recovery and never become depressed again.

I am so surprised to see Borderline with so much compassion here.
Good for you getting help, my mother is a full blown B.P.D. and a Narcissist. You already know what that means. We do not have a relationship because of it, it is really impossible to even reason with her. Way to complicated, not what I had hope it could have been. I see that you wrote about how it is curable, that is really the only time I have heard that. I am glad to you are trying and making an effort to help others.

Anonymous wrote:
Lucy, I so hope you re right and that you will feel better soon but please make a mental note of BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER and if your not feeling better some way down the line you might look into it then?

you are right we are the only ones who can help ourselves but sometimes we need help from others to show us the way to go.

keep positive and please have a good future. x x x

I hope it helps you in some way.

Let it go. And yes, I am past my depression phase. Thank you for asking.

I know exactly how you feel. That’s how I feel right now…after a while, when the crap keeps building up and up, you just say “screw it”. Whatever happens happens. And you keep living. Some day you will find true happiness, but since you’re so young, I think that day will most likely be when you are either in college or maybe later. As for now, just have fun. Enjoy. Live your life you want it to be lived and you will be happy. Hang in there!