I love my boyfriend so much, but his feelings for me
are not what they used to be -he doesn’t respect me- he’s finished uni now so we’re living quite far apart. He’s never been great at remembering to call me as i’ve never rated very high on his radar - it’s almost impossible to stay in communication with him as i cant afford the phone credit and he’s only ever on facebook at weird times - even then he never bothers messaging me. All he wants to do is put space between us. I know that his agenda is to forget me and hope i forget him but the result is that he’s having a great time living his laddish life, getting into bands + making it happen for himself, whereas i’m constantly thinking about him, wanting him - i wake up + burst into tears, many times during the day i have to leave the room for the same reason. I avoid being around people because i get too upset to hold it together. He has all the power and he’s inadvertently dangling me on a string. All the decisions he’s made about taking a break have been taken over the phone or on a facebook chatbox + we need to meet face to face to discuss something this major. He’s had bad relationships with women in the past who’v really hurt him, so i wish he could undestand how much he’s hurting me atm. When we first got together, all i got from so many of his friends was ’she’s not going to hurt J is she?’ All i ever wanted to do was make him happy to be with me, but having read up on it i now see that cooking/cleaning/doing his laundry/giving him a place to write hid last minute dissertation/stepping in + performing in his final performance when a third of his band dropped out was all lessening me in his eyes, not building up any kind of apreciation or valuing. firstly, all the houswify efforts were stuff he didnt find important anyway (he’s perfectly happy to live on pizza + live with the boxes) and secondly, he was repeatedly getting something for nothing - and who values nothing? Who values someone whos worth nothing? Who loves someone they dont value? This was my first relationship, I didnt know how to have one or how to handle men. Although he never directly asked me to cook his dinner etc. for him, he never on th other hand said to me ‘Look, you dont need to do all this for me, i love you as you are’ so he did begin to take advantage of me more and more, which made me feel frustrated and resentfull that all the skivvying wasn’t ‘buying’ me more apreciation but i also felt so disapointed and let down that he’d changed so much from the loving considerate guy who’d actually made me feel like i was important to him for a little while. I still cant understand why he ever fancied me in the first place + at the beginning of the relationship i was especially terrified of having nothing to offer him, so i tried to do ‘nice things’ for him so he could know how much i cared for him - i see now that they were the wrong things, for the two reasons mentioned and because if i wanted to make an effort, i should have done so in getting in with his friends, learning to play poker + risk like he kept hinting at me to do, that would have given us another shared experience on a level between lovers and strangers, because (especially recently) when we’re not in bed, we’re the latter -i was just so afraid of being made to look stupid and i find it excruciating meeting new people, especially with the added pressure of being Expected to get on with them. We’ve hardly got to know eachother at all in 6 months, which is a real shame, and its making him think we have nothing in common, when we do, we have so much, if he’d only open his mind to identifying what we did wrong in the past and then building up the friendship, Then seeing where we are rather than his idea of a complete break with no communication - which would only ensure that we had exactly the same problems to come back to as we have now, which would mean ther’d be no chance of getting back together - agenda? Men are so protected- from the minute they’re born they get all the donkey work done for them so that they take it for granted from every woman they meet in future. you cant tell them how you really feel, you Cant cry infront of them no matter how much they may be ripping you to pieces. They control if a relationship starts and when it ends and most of what happens in between. I know he’s been driven to some extremely dark and low places in the past, so he should be able to understand what he’s putting me through at the moment, but he finds it so easy to cut himself off from me + concentrate on business. I try to get on with other things, but its impossible not to think about him when im living in the town where he spent the last four years, where many of his friends still live, where i spent the last 6 months with him, putting him first so many times only to be discarded + left in limbo.
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ATearFromHeaven
SlightlyUnique
DjinnGi changed the tags on this post: they were "relationship problems, Love, despair" 2 months ago.
DjinnGi changed the tags on this post: they were "relationship problems, Love, hurt, depression" 2 months ago.
linuxya
DjinnGi changed the tags on this post: they were "relationship problems, Love, hurt, depression, hope" 2 months ago.
DjinnGi closed this post.
DjinnGi edited this post 2 months ago. Read the previous text »
I love my boyfriend so much, but his feelings for me are not what they used to be -he doesn’t respect me- he’s finished uni now so we’re living quite far apart. He’s never been great at remembering to call me as i’ve never rated very high on his radar - it’s almost impossible to stay in communication with him as i cant afford the phone credit and he’s only ever on facebook at weird times - even then he never bothers messaging me. All he wants to do is put space between us. I know that his agenda is to forget me and hope i forget him but the result is that he’s having a great time living his laddish life, getting into bands + making it happen for himself, whereas i’m constantly thinking about him, wanting him - i wake up + burst into tears, many times during the day i have to leave the room for the same reason. I avoid being around people because i get too upset to hold it together. He has all the power and he’s inadvertently dangling me on a string. All the decisions he’s made about taking a break have been taken over the phone or on a facebook chatbox + we need to meet face to face to discuss something this major. He’s had bad relationships with women in the past who’v really hurt him, so i wish he could undestand how much he’s hurting me atm. When we first got together, all i got from so many of his friends was ’she’s not going to hurt Jed is she?’ All i ever wanted to do was make him happy to be with me, but having read up on it i now see that cooking/cleaning/doing his laundry/giving him a place to write hid last minute dissertation/stepping in + performing in his final performance when a third og his band dropped out was all lessening me in his eyes, not building up any kind of apreciation or valuing. firstly, all the houswify efforts were stuff he didnt find important anyway (he’s perfectly happy to live on pizza + live with the boxes) and secondly, he was repeatedly getting something for nothing - and who values nothing? Who values someone whos worth nothing? Who loves someone they dont value? This was my first relationship, I didnt know how to have one or how to handle men. Although he never directly asked me to cook his dinner etc. for him, he never on th other hand said to me ‘Look, you dont need to do all this for me, i love you as you are’ so he did begin to take advantage of me more and more, which made me feel frustrated and resentfull that all the skivvying wasn’t ‘buying’ me more apreciation but i also felt so disapointed and let down that he’d changed so much from the loving considerate guy who’d actually made me feel like i was important to him for a little while. I still cant understand why he ever fancied me in the first place + at the beginning of the relationship i was especially terrified of having nothing to offer him, so i tried to do ‘nice things’ for him so he could know how much i cared for him - i see now that they were the wrong things, for the two reasons mentioned and because if i wanted to make an effort, i should have done so in getting in with his friends, learning to play poker + risk like he kept hinting at me to do, that would have given us another shared experience on a level between lovers and strangers, because (especially recently) when we’re not in bed, we’re the latter -i was just so afraid of being made to look stupid and i find it excruciating meeting new people, especially with the added pressure of being Expected to get on with them. We’ve hardly got to know eachother at all in 6 months, which is a real shame, and its making him think we have nothing in common, when we do, we have so much, if he’d only open his mind to identifying what we did wrong in the past and then building up the friendship, Then seeing where we are rather than his idea of a complete break with no communication - which would only ensure that we had exactly the same problems to come back to as we have now, which would mean ther’d be no chance of getting back together - agenda? Men are so protected- from the minute they’re born they get all the donkey work done for them so that they take it for granted from every woman they meet in future. you cant tell them how you really feel, you Cant cry infront of them no matter how much they may be ripping you to pieces. They control if a relationship starts and when it ends and most of what happens in between. I know he’s been driven to some extremely dark and low places in the past, so he should be able to understand what he’s putting me through at the moment, but he finds it so easy to cut himself off from me + concentrate on business. I try to get on with other things, but its impossible not to think about him when im living in the town where he spent the last four years, where many of his friends still live, where i spent the last 6 months with him, putting him first so many times only to be discarded + left in limbo.
DjinnGi reopened this post.
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