writing help: VERY CONTROVERSIAL !

Korwinn

VERY CONTROVERSIAL !

Proof READ!

Ok its not, but I want some opinions quicker. so got asked to write something for a friend of mine. he gave me the info, and apparently its a profile of this girl he interviewed but its suppose to just be a paragraph. I was having a little problem due to the shortness of length. Pretty much had too much info and had to make everything flow… Anyways if you guys wanna give me edits that’s cool and I’ll send it over to my friend. (he’s bad at english so yea)

“I like to play pool. I love beating the guys who challenge me thinking that it’s going to be easy because I am some girl.” After she answered my first question and the cocky look in her eye, I knew that my impression of who Flo Swenson is had been mislead by her appearance. Hidden beneath her shy, 5 foot 2 inches tall exterior, and a smile that you cannot help but notice lays a feisty and playful girl from Brooklyn, New York. At 31-years-old anyone would be deceived by her age and all the life experience she has. Being a mother of two and the wife of a soldier in the United States Military has taken her all over the world. Even with the stress of being a full-time student, and taking care of her two children while her husband is in Afghanistan, she manages to keep things real. She is still just the girl from the “BK” who grew up in a small Puerto Rican family just a subway ride away from Manhattan.

yay/ nay? again there was more info that would make sense, but I could write like 5 paragraphs on her. I had to make the paragraph make sense

This closed post was written 2 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 176, 16, 3 | Edit Post | Report Post

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Since writing this post Korwinn has helped in 16 other users' posts within the last 4 days. Korwinn is a verified member, has been around for 4 months, 1 week and has 25 posts and 1,072 replies to their name.

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proof read, editing, writing (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Korwinn invited 15 users to read this post 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

Korwinn 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (3 minutes after post)

“I like to play pool. I love beating the guys who challenge me thinking that it’s going to be easy because I am some girl.” After she answered my first question and the cocky look in her eye, I knew that my first* impression of who Flo Swenson is had been mislead by her appearance. Hidden beneath her shy, 5 foot 2 inches tall exterior, and a smile that you cannot help but notice lays a feisty and playful girl from Brooklyn, New York. At 31-years-old anyone would be deceived by her age and all the life experience she has. Being a mother of two and the wife of a soldier in the United States Military has taken her all over the world. Even with the stress of being a fulltime student, and taking care of her two children while her husband is in Afghanistan, she manages to keep things real. She is still just the girl from the “BK” who grew up in a small Puerto Rican family just a subway ride away from Manhattan.

Korwinn edited this post 2 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »

Hey quick help proof read real fast!

so got asked to write something for a friend of mine. he gave me the info, and apparently its a profile of this girl he interviewed but its suppose to just be a paragraph. I was having a little problem due to the shortness of length. Pretty much had too much info and had to make everything flow… Anyways if you guys wanna give me edits that’s cool and I’ll send it over to my friend. (he’s bad at english so yea)

“I like to play pool. I love beating the guys who challenge me thinking that it’s going to be easy because I am some girl.” After she answered my first question and the cocky look in her eye, I knew that my impression of who Flo Swenson is had been mislead by her appearance. Hidden beneath her shy, 5 foot 2 inches tall exterior, and a smile that you cannot help but notice lays a feisty and playful girl from Brooklyn, New York. At 31-years-old anyone would be deceived by her age and all the life experience she has. Being a mother of two and the wife of a soldier in the United States Military has taken her all over the world. Even with the stress of being a full-time student, and taking care of her two children while her husband is in Afghanistan, she manages to keep things real. She is still just the girl from the “BK” who grew up in a small Puerto Rican family just a subway ride away from Manhattan.

Korwinn changed the tags on this post: they were "" 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

TinyDancer :) 15 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (50 minutes after post)

wtf is this for

Help me with: my bf doesn’t pay-attention when were making out

Korwinn 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (52 minutes after post)

i dont know my friend just wrote something and gave me the info I thought his was dumb. I think its for writing for the media or something. Like a practice profile. But the one paragraph length seemed dumb. Anyways i have to send it back to him in like 30 min so i figured id take any suggestions

TinyDancer :) 15 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (56 minutes after post)

its fine. but he shld do his own work

Help me with: my bf doesn’t pay-attention when were making out

Korwinn 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (59 minutes after post)

NamesPEARL wrote:
its fine. but he shld do his own work

i know right. Anyways, i guess it just seems so vague to me.

TinyDancer :) 15 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (1 hour, 2 minutes after post)

yeah i guess who cares not ur fault right

Help me with: my bf doesn’t pay-attention when were making out

leedarien 22 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (3 hours, 8 minutes after post)

sorry i wasn’t here to help :( it sounds pretty all right except a few (minor) grammatical errors :).

Help me with: does anyone know a good way to start a farewell speech?

Korwinn 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (3 hours, 22 minutes after post)

Ok apparently it’s for a jounalism class. And they interviewed eachother and had to write a quick profile. I gave it to him and turned it in I think it wasn’t done exactly right, but whatever. I thi l it was more for practice interviewing and asking right questions

dave1971199 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (17 hours after post)

I have started a teaching course, so may have made a few mistakes here.

One thing I noticed was that you keep talking about the past in a present tense.

“I like to play pool; I love beating the guys who challenge me, thinking that it’s going to be easy because I am some girl.” After she answered my first question and the cocky look in her eye, I knew that my first impression of who Flo Swenson, had been mislead by her appearance. Hidden beneath her shy, 5 foot 2 inches tall exterior, and a smile that you could not help but notice, lay a feisty and playful girl from Brooklyn, New York.

At 31 years old, anyone could be deceived by her age and all the life experience she had. Being a mother of two and the wife of a soldier in the United States Military, has taken her all over the world. Even with the stress of being a full-time student, and taking care of her two children, while her husband was in Afghanistan, she managed to keep things real. She is still just the girl from the “BK,” who grew up in a small Puerto Rican family, just a subway ride away from Manhattan.

Help me with: Is it better to be hated than ignored?

Korwinn 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (18 hours, 39 minutes after post)

well the point of that is the person is suppose to be interviewing so its kind of talking about the impression he got from her, but at the same time talking about who this girl is. Honestly is should have been like 2 or 3 paragraphs I had the info, but was told to sum it up into one. I found that tremendously difficult. But even so still took like 5 min. to write. Just thats the only way to make it logically make sense

Korwinn 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (18 hours, 40 minutes after post)

you may be right though dave when I write like stories I do tend to have past and present intertwining sometimes.

TinyDancer :) 15 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (22 hours, 41 minutes after post)

Korwinn wrote:
you may be right though dave when I write like stories I do tend to have past and present intertwining sometimes.

i have read great books that are like that it just needs to be organised in the correct way.

Help me with: my bf doesn’t pay-attention when were making out

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