friends help: Hey everyone. - Help.com

Well, at least you know you’re prideful. >.>. Anyway, a failure why?

Hi, I’m M0THER. My real name is actually Diana. It’s always hard to admit or ask for help, I can empathise, I have that problem too. I ride my bicycle a lot, it’s basically my car. Pride blocks a lot of people from doing things. Sometimes it’s better to forget your pride and do what will be good for your well being. You’d be surprised how much easier things get when you ignore pride and just do what feels right. What’s the weather like in Arizona?

Hello. Wow - I am surprised I got a response but thankful. I am really not ready to dive into why I feel like certain aspects of my life are to shaeful to talk about. I will say that it has absolutely nothing to do with anything illegal, immoral, or unthical. I am just in a world of hurt and not knowing what to do.

The weather here is good. Finally cooling off a little. The 100+ degree days are killer but thankfully the temps are only in the low 100’s as of late. They should be dropping lower soon. You scenery is beautiful and the people are relatively a decent bunch for the most part. Even if I hated it here though for any reason - I wouldn’t go anywhere. My daughter’s are here and nothing would stop me from being near them(I share custody) so I guess I am lucky that I don’t mind the life here.

I think I would rather just tell my story. I don’t know maybe I should write a book instead of telling it here but for some odd reason telling it here is easier. If anyone is a ghost writer - takes notes - If I do decide to write a book - you can get a commission if it ever publishes for a profit.

I was born in Massachusettes. Like i said my mom was a nun and my father was a priest. Growing up wasn’t easy as for many. My parents fought everyday that I can remember. When they spilt up I was happy but my dad was mentally ill. Through his paraniod delusions, he thought everyone was out to get him. Everyone had some connection to the government or to organized crime or so he said. It didn’t take long for me to figure out by the time I was 10 or 11 that he wasn’t qwuite right but never the less I still never knew what to believe. My mother didn’t really have it all together either. Her story of betrayal will come later if anyone cares to listen, but for now we’ll stick to my father. I remember he had a belief that there would be a very fierce and spitual war that took place on an astral plain(a different level of conciousness). He believe that my sister and I needed to be protected but we had to prepare to fight/defend ourselves against all the would be out there to hurt us. I figured out very quickly that what he said wasn’t exactly true but being so young when it happened I didn’t know what to believe on a lot of levels.

Well That’s all for now. I will write more again if anyone asks to hear more. I hope I didn’t bore anyone to much.

I’m sorry you had to live through them fighting everyday. ): It must have been very scarring. I remember getting upset the only two, three times I can recall my parents ever fighting. I’m not sure how to pout my thoughts down, so all I can think of is… For a religious person, it’s very common to believe there’s a spiritual war going on even if your dad was mentally ill. At least he’s not completely crazy? S:

That is an interesting comment - ‘For a religious person, it’s very common to believe there’s a spiritual war going on’

And yes my father was completely crazy. He did have moment of clarity but those moments were few and far between.

Mentaly I was beaten down on a daily basis. Physically it wasn’t to bad but I do remember having pins stuck in my hand/arm to try to teach me about absorbing pain.

What effects of what I experienced was termed, at one point, to be the equivilant of mental trauma that is generally only experienced POW’s. At least that is what the social workers and courts said when I was 13. A POW once told me that he was surprised I survived and that my mental state at the time this occurred was much like his was when he was released from captivity.

Personally I don’t compare myself to anyone. I went through what I went through. I do wonder what path of life I would be on if it all had not occurred though.

Ahh, I misunderstood your father. Well, I guess crazy people do have their moments even if they seem bogus. I will say this: seeing that you’re stable and survived what you went through, you must be a strong person! It may have made you stronger than you would have been had you not gone through it all, too. (Pin stuck in your arm? OW! That’s a bit extreme! I’m afraid to know what they put you through mentally. x.x!)

Interesting, huh? Hehe.

Mentally - Well that was a whole different story. It was torture - plain and simple. At first constantly broken down and then built back up and then eventually there was no being built back up. Simply hours upon hours on constant screaming and ranting about how those who are trying to hurt you are going to do it and then the questions of if you are string enough to survive their attacks. It’s not something I would ever wish on any child. I would gladly trade the experience and memories for ones where I have to wonder how strong I would have been had the experience not happened at all. Yet they say everything happens for a reason. Not sure if I will ever really be able to rationalize the ‘reasons’ of why anyone, let alone a child, be put to those kinds of tests. I guess I think there was no reason for it. It was a simple circumstance of a mad man being put in a position to have children and hence the onslaught. In any case - I am in some ways a very strong person today and very weak in others. Socially I am leary of people although I do not avoid people or situations. I guess my biggest problems are financial. In that I am a total failure but so many people are in dire straights as well. I guess I just don’t like not knowing what to do or where to turn. I mean being a good person who wants to be responsible is very different from being a person that knows how - at least being responsible to myself. I tend to take care of everyone else first and myself last if ever.

I totally understand the way you tend to care for other before yourself. Maybe I’m wrong, I can’t know for sure of course, but I feel as though you do that because of your childhood abuse. Being told that you were weak will definitely lower your self esteem but possibly raise the amount of empathy you have. You’ve experienced so much and I’m sure you’re a very good listener, you just have to remember that you need someone to listen to your problems too. Taking care of everyone may feel like the right thing to do, like they’re more important than you are. In your head, probably, but who would be there to take care of them if you weren’t around? You should be sure you are doing well mentally first before anyone else. It’s going to be really hard to do this, but you just have to try. Also, the topic of responsibility is fairly difficult for me to answer since I’m very unorganised and irresponsible but I’ll try Start off with getting a daily planner but not just getting it USE IT and stick to it. I’m not sure what your financial situation is but if it’s a matter of spending money too much than you should definitely divide your paycheck 4 ways; bills, savings, food, and anything else. And the amount of money you spend on the “anything else” should never be more than how much you are saving.

I’m sorry if I’m no help at all and I’m also sorry for my terrible writing, I’ve never been good at it.