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Hello -

I’m currently in a wonderful long-distance relationship and have been for over a year. Everything runs smoothly for the most part, with the exception being that I still have lingering trust/jealousy issues that rear their ugly heads.

Without delving into too many details, I would explain the situation as follows… Basically, my gf is pretty social and enjoys going out, nightlife, bars, etc. (I should preface this by saying we’re both several years removed from college). She’s in an urban location where there is an abundance of activities, and she enjoys a Friday or Saturday night out on the town with friends (and rightfully so!). However, with this outgoing personality of hers, comes her flirtatious nature. She’s a beautiful girl, and naturally attracts men. Striking up honest conversation and flirting a little bit are just part of who she is. She also enjoys dancing (of the clean variety) if she’s at a venue where the situation calls for it. Basically, she’s your average girl: enjoys going out with girlfriends, and probably doing some harmless flirting with attractive men if she’s approached.

Now for me - I’m very social as well, probably moreso. However, I don’t live in a very urban area, and many of my friends travel or have significant others who occupy their time. Basically, it’s not uncommon for my gf to be out on the town enjoying a Friday night, whilst I kick back and relax on the couch, and just watch movies.

This all suits me fine for the most part, but I’m still dealing with feelings of jealousy and contempt when I’m stuck at home on one of “those Friday nights.” I’m happy that she’s having fun, but it tears me up that I’m not there to have it with her. Not to mention the fact that any men who approach her while out, ultimately view her as a single target, and get to enjoy her company whilst I do not.

Aside from that, I do still have the occasional feelings of distrust. While I’m so close to having full faith in her, I can’t quite reach the ultimate level. This is because I know both of our pasts. We’ve each made “mistakes” in prior relationships (nothing serious, but nonetheless a breach of trust) and she has done a few minor things early in our relationship that again, whilst not major, made it hard for me to think this girl was serious about a relationship. She has always loved her fun and enjoyed the single life, so it’s tough for me to think someone can just all of a sudden be ready for this level of commitment.

Finally - I know this would not be an issue if we lived in the same place for a period of time. If I could get accustomed to going out with her and her friends, I would eventually develop that level of trust and security that would make me feel at ease. But it will be probably another year before we’re able to move to the same location, and I refuse to let this remain a problem until then. This is not my character and I want to fight this issue and be rid of it, once and for all. I will probably talk to someone professionally to see what kind of advice they can offer, but wanted to turn here first to see if anyone had any advice or wisdom they could share.

I should not hold it against her that she likes to go out from time to time and that she will inevitably be approached/propositioned by other men. I know she is devoted to me, and she deserves my trust and confidence. Please advise.

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Relationships, Long-distance relationships, jealousy, trust, cheating (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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