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Huge decision to make that will impact the rest of my life!
Need advice!
I’m a 21 year old female and I am with someone who I thought I knew.
We started dating just over 11 months ago and we’ve known each other since high school, worked together for two years, and were good friends before we started dating. He proposed to me 4 and a half months ago and we are engaged to be married. I love him so much and we are really close. However, there have been some issues. When we were friends, I was also really good friends with his two sisters and got along great with his family. When we started going out, his older sister felt betrayed and told me that she felt as if I was choosing a boy over her, my friend, and he was choosing a girl over his own sister. At the time we all worked together and all our other friends at work started gossiping and spreading rumors that got back to his family. His family chose not to like me and to this day think that I am a horrible person who sleeps around and lies and cheats. What they believe about me is far from the truth. I’ve only ever been with their son and I never lied to him or cheated on him. They felt as if it was my goal to tear their family apart and steal their only son away from them.
Their involvement with our relationship put a lot of strain on us, so my fiance (boyfriend at the time) staged a break-up with me and to this day his family thinks we are apart. This happened back in January… so we’ve been lying to his family for 9 months! I hate it and he knows this. I don’t like lying and I feel like I am stuck, as it is not my place to tell them. He is terrified of them knowing. He kept promising me all summer that they’d know before he went back to school in September, but they still don’t know. We had to sneak around all summer and hide our engagement. I feel like I am his dirty little secret and that he agrees with his family.
Another issue is that we have is that we don’t agree on important issues about our future, such as children, wedding date, living arrangements, etc. He has always told me that he wants to have a big family… as many children as we can afford and that he wants to start having children in 3-4 years. I love kids so much and he knows this. I just got back from visiting him at school and he told me that now he doesn’t want kids ever and that he cannot stand them. He also changed his mind about when he wants to get married. We had a date picked out that is approaching very soon and now he tells me he wants to wait five years to get married. He also tells me that he wants to continue living with his roommates in the place he is at now, when we were planning on getting our own place together in April. He tells me that he doesn’t know if he will ever be able to tell his family we are together.
On top of all of this, he is living with one of his best guy friends and whenever I visit him, he sorta ignores me and hangs with his buddy and plays video games when he knows I make a effort to get time off work and school to visit him. Also, one of his roommates is a girl and they share a bathroom together… there rooms are right next to each other and I am sorta jealous.
I don’t know what to do about any of this. My family and friends all know that we are engaged and everything and it is bad enough I have to cancel all the arrangements I made for our wedding, as he is not ready for marriage all of a sudden… I don’t want to have to tell everyone we are over, but I feel as if we are heading in two different directions. I am really hurting. I don’t want to lose him, but I know in my heart that I shouldn’t be stressing over all of this… I love him so much, but hate that his family doesn’t know about our relationship… I feel like he is trying to get rid of me by telling me that he doesn’t want children, etc :(
What do I do here?! It seems like whenever we discuss any of this, it turns into an argument.
This open post was written 2 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 157, 7, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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