divorce help: My husband and I have been in the same boat since he chaeated on me two or so years ago. - Help.com



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My husband and I have been in the same boat since he chaeated on me two or so years ago.

It wasn’t a one night stand it was actually a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for several months. Even when I caugt him he still didn’t tell me the truth. I had to prove that I really did know to get him to actually tell me anything but I still think he has left tons of stuff out (that I am not sure that I want to know). I know they slept togetgher (in my hear, but he never told me for sure). We now sleep in differnt rooms and when he tries to kiss me of if my two small children are at Grandmna’s and he wants to touch me I want to throw up. My problem is he is a great father and it would break my childrens heart, I know my oldest won’t handle it well.

I also worry that his life will fall apart if I leave him. That he will start drinking, lose his job, then we won’t be able to afford to be apart because he won’t be able to make is truck payment (that is in my name as well as the car).

I know he loves me, but I am not in love with him anymore and have not been for a long time. I haven’t cheated on him or done anything at all to get revenge. We even tried marriage counceling but it didn’t help me. Sorry if it sound like I am rambling but I haven’t had anyone to talk about this for so long and it is starting to fester. I want to tell him to go but I don’t know how. I don’t want to mention his affair from two years ago, that sounds ridiculous. But we have also grown way apart. We don’t like anything the other person likes anymore. I think he has given up on our marriage too. He made the strangest comment yesterday he said out of the blue “there will be times I do things with out you”. I have never stoped him from doing things with out me. I actually encourage it, but he never does it. Doesn’t that sound suspicous.

Also, if we get a divorce can I put in the decree that he has to have a semi decent clean place for the kids to visit? He can live like a pig and I don’t want the kids to go to a rat hole to visit him.

Please advise what you would do.

This open post was written 2 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 169, 5, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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cheating, not in love, divorce (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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littlenick online Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 152 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (7 minutes after post)

How long have you been married?

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musicfan1994 offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (19 minutes after post)

Surely a person like that who is a good father would not cheat on you in such a way. I know it’s upsetting for the kids, but divorcing him might be the only way. Try to reason with him, to ask him to stop cheating on you. If he doesn’t do that then I would not divorce him but I would tell him in a nice way that “it’s over”.

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briar_creek_stable offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (38 minutes after post)

People make mistakes in moments of weekness. Pushing him away is pushing him back into another mistake. Were you neglecting him before he cheated? If a man doesn’t feel loved or wanted, they will seek out someone who will give him what he is being denied and make him feel loved and wanted. Same goes for the ladies. Is there a chance that you might be a part of the reason he cheated to begin with?

Holding a mistake made 2 years ago seems a little harsh. If you want to trust him again, you need to start showing him that all he wants is right there at home. Make him feel wanted and he won’t stray.

Let the past go. It’s not going to be easy. you can’t fix or change the pass and neither can he. you can however change and fix the future.

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littlenick online Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 152 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (42 minutes after post)

I don’t think she’s here anymore.

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beatricegalant offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 2 weeks ago (5 hours, 11 minutes after post)

Briar, as it sounds it wasn’t just a mistake in moments of weakness because she said he had a relationship for months with his ex-girlfriend. You have however valuable points and I agree with them. Maybe the marriage counselor wasn’t the right one. Maybe they never discussed the reason why he felt he needed the ex-girlfriend at that time. It might relate to the time when their baby or babies were born. Many mothers neglect their husbands unconsciously and husbands feel left out of the bond. They need to go back to that moment when the husband felt the need of having an ex-girlfriend. What happened then?

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