Love help: If a man refuses to pay support, does it mean he doesn’t love his daughter? - Help.com

$400 a month is pretty steep, especially for just one child. [For some, that’s almost a whole paycheck.] Unless he is incredibly rich, that’s probably putting a huge dent in his wallet. I suggest that you maybe go to court or at least compromise on a smaller sum. When I was young, my father paid $300 and most thought that was really high.

You say you live off of gift cards from your mother. Maybe you could get a job to help things along? Not to be rude, but living off your mother will not solve anything in the long run.

So no, I don’t necessarily think that he does not love his daughter.

Quit complaining, take him to court. He is breaking the law by not paying for his child.

Take him to court. The court will give you at least $275 per month from him. And if he has job, they will garnish his wages.

If your mortgage and bills are that much, maybe you should try living more modestly? Move into a smaller, cheaper home. [If you rent, you have no mortgage. Then again, I’m not sure how that all works exactly.] Sell your car for a smaller, cheaper, more fuel efficient one. Perhaps see if you could have a friend, relative, or neighbour that could take care of your daughter for less money.

And, as I mentioned before and as was said by yessica41, take him to court. I’m pretty sure he is supposed to be paying child support and it is silly to not legally require him to do so.

And please, do NOT type to me in that tone of voice.

Drunk or sober, you can’t protect someone who is braking the law. He is taking money away from his own daughter which is what helps her live. Right? Where does he get the money to pay for his drinks? He is drinking his child support away, more than 400 dollars per month. You should look after your child’s needs FIRST. You can’t be sympathetic with a person who takes living expenses away from his own daughter. Yes, you answered to your question: he does not like or love his own child. Better believe it and act upon it. Your child has the right to have and to obtain basic needs from him.

notjitka089 wrote:
All of this is not the point my QUESTION was simply does a man who refuses to support his child really love her

I know you are only a sophmore who can’t manage to pass his classes…but

PLease tell me how I am suppose to sell my house in this economy…oh yeah…been on the market for a year…

Should I leave my daughter with her 75 year old grandmother or some stranger off the street……

Sell my car and get to work how…click my magic heels together….take on more monthly payments..

where on earth do you live that $1000 a month in mortgage is high…unless I want to move my child to the ghetto…

PS I don’t take him to courtbecause he is a drunk and can not care for a helpless child…$400 a month is $13 a day…..

I am a SHE. Not a HE.

I pass my classes and I’m sure that I’m much more intelligent than you were at my age. I’m published in a ****** textbook for Christ’s sake. Don’t talk about what you don’t know.

I said, “Sell your car for a smaller, cheaper, more fuel efficient one.” I don’t expect you to walk or “click your heels”. There is a such a thing as public transportation if it’s available near you.

Unless her grandmother is senile or something, I see no reason why she couldn’t take care of her granddaughter. Possibly have a friend watch her while you’re at work?

I never said $1000 is high, I know nothing of mortgages. But you could move out and rent, which I feel you might benefit from more, depending on your location.

The fact that he is drunk and doesn’t pay child support is all the more reason to take him to court. If you don’t, it’s really just your own fault and you should stop b!tching.

I must apologize for Accio,

The young suffer from hubris and often are too quick to judge. In time Accio you may realise that the people on this web service need to feel heard, not argued with. If you cannot relate in a positive way move on to another thread. Sometimes the words we don’t publish are the most important.

notjitka089,

I really feel for you and honestly I think you need to make a choice to either forget the man and assume you cannot count on him or take legal action.

I will say this, my own father abandonned me and I spent many years wondering if he really loved me. Three months ago I met him after a long hiatus and realized that he had always loved me. The truth was that he was so overwhelmed by life he was never stable enough to show it. His absence (both financial and emotional) stemmed from the limitations of his character. That day I realized I had nothing to do with it I had an easier time of it. He did love me - but that fact was lost in the mess that had become his life.

I think it is to easy to equate no child support with no love, especially given the fact that you have pointed out that he has issues with alcohol. Nonethelss the wellbeing of his daughter is not in the forefront of his mind. Few people in his situation want to aknowledge such an ugly admission and often proclaim they do love.

Nonethelss, when self-love trumps love for others it is called narcissism. You and your daughter will have to come to grips with the fact that his definition of love is likely to leave you disappointed.

My only advice to you is to keep her in his life. Children have a way of selling themsleves (I think its a survival mechanism - otherwise crying babies might be abandoned a great deal more :). The more your ex sees first grade recitals or spelling bee sompetitions, the more he will have opportunities to fall in love with his daughter.

As a father myself, I can’t imagine a world where that doesn’t pierce the armor of a distant father.

Good luck

KMM

…and in words of the sophist Socrates “ignore those that are loud and vexatious to the spirit, who speak with an authority they have not yet earned”

I am sorry if I seemed arrogant. I felt like my intelligence was being questioned and that bothered me. She did not seem as though she really wanted to hear advice. [I know what it’s like to not have a father present and feel unloved. It hurts.]

Anyway, notjitka089, I really do hope things work out for you and your child. However, please, do consider taking him to court.

[Vexatious…I love that word.]

wow, that is all u asked him to pay, you should definatly take him to court. good luck