friends help: So, I’m not trying to complain but I’ve had a proper rubbish day. - Help.com

where in france are you, i was in bordeaux earlier this year.

I’m in Grenoble. Was in Rennes last year. Had an amazing times in Rennes.

if you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.

happy birthday ;)

have you tried joining like a group of friend, i found when i was there, if you knew one person you can be introduced to others, and you circle of friends grows. i had an amazing time in france, try and hang ouot with people on your course.

I know. I just wish it didn’t feel like a thunder storm. And I wish it wasn’t at such an inconvenient time with moving and everything. Thank you though.

I’m not on a course I’m working. And I have met a few people but I feel like a complete outsider because they are all together at college and I feel like I’m alwas the one getting in touch with them after I finish work. I text them all inviting them for a drink to celebrate my birthday…None of them replied to my text.

bummer :/

i imagine it can be hard sometimes, living/working far away from family & friends. especially the ‘making new friends’ thing. to some, it’s real easy, to others, not so, but either way, it still takes years before you get friendships that mean anything…

just try to enjoy the company when you get the chance to :)

this stay in france of yours, longterm? maybe i’ll pop over for your birthday next year :p

Well to sum it all up… it looks like you rely on other people to be happy. You need to learn to create your own happiness. Look at the reality in front of you and take as much out of it as you can. Its time to rely on yourself now.

Lol well I’m here until june 2010. So not until my birthday next year but still a long time considering I’ve been away since september last year and was only home for about a month in total over the summer.
The thing that upset me the most was that I text them and I would of understood if they couldn’t come for a drink but the fact that no one replied really hurt. And one girl said she was in town and I went into meet her but we never ended up meeting cus she went home for dinner.

♥Rαvєr♥ wrote:
Well to sum it all up… it looks like you rely on other people to be happy. You need to learn to create your own happiness. Look at the reality in front of you and take as much out of it as you can. Its time to rely on yourself now.

Well the reality in front of me is that it’s my birthday and I’m alone. I’ve tried to make friends but theres only so much you can contact people with no reply until you start to look like a stalker.
I don’t rely on other people to make me happy. I am an independent person, I’ve been living on my own in France for the last year. I’ve managed to find myself somewhere to live both last yeas and this year. I struggled but managed to make friends last year. I’ve joined clubs both years to try and integrate and meet people.
I could maybe take your advice seriously but it doesn’t look like you’ve ever been sitting where I am right now. Sorry.

next summer? it’ll be there sooner then you expect it, and by then, you probably won’t want to go home any longer ;p

people don’t like saying no. they prefer not to say anything at all. don’t be hurt over it, it’s just another human trait. i’m sure they didn’t mean it to hurt.

anyways, go get a bottle of nice wine, and celebrate it yourself. 21 is a nice age to look back at where you came from, and sit down and consider the future :) some of my best birthdays i spent in my own company!

I can’t drink, I’ve got work at 8am tomorrow morning.
I hate that people don’t like saying no. If I couldn’t make something, I would always let the person know. But maybe thats because I hate it when people don’t let me know. Lol.
I’ll deffo take your advice on considering the future but looking back just isn’t that fun for me.
Thanks for your help. You’ve made me feel a little less lonely at least :)

you didn’t sound like you needed more ;)

btw, it’s not supposed to be fun, but it usually interesting enough from time to time. learn from your mistakes, on a larger scale sort of thing. but i can see how this is something you do not necessarily want to be doing on your birthday :/

anyways, glad to help, pay it forward -

and feel free to shout me if you feel lonely or just want to talk :)

One thing I do know.. if you’re texting french acquaintances, don’t necessarily expect a reply! It’s a cultural thing. In Britain, we text endlessly. Our whole life revolves around the technology we carry in our pocket. In France, they don’t. Texts are for work, emergencies, occasionally the odd important thing.. but if you want to communicate you have to TALK, face-to-face or on the landline. Trust me on that one. NEVER try and ring during lunch hour or between 7pm and 8.30pm. Daily routines are rigidly adhered to in France and family mealtimes are absolutely sacred! Weekdays, people are simply too tired to socialise.

So, why not plan something for another day.

Food is always a winner. Get some pretty cards, make simple invitations and invite people around to taste something British. Remember the French are rigid about mealtimes and when it is and isn’t appropriate to socialise. So if you plan an evening do, make it a Saturday and start at 7pm .. always!

Now, conversation. What to discuss? FOOD ! and more food. A good tip is to ask for advice about which wine would suit the dish you are going to prepare. Let others talk by acknowledging that there are some areas they know more about than we do ! In UK, we witter on for hours about the latest celebrity split-up, which pop star has cellulite and who got dumped off X-factor. Forget it out there. Ask questions - open ended ones like “do you have a favourite musician/artist?” Invariably it will throw up someone you’ve never heard of so you can ask more questions “what’s his style? do you have something I could listen to?” etc. Try talking about local monuments/castles/architecture. “What do you recommend I visit while I’m here?” … that will give you a lead in to say something like “that sounds very interesting. Why don’t we go together!”

To integrate, you need to adopt the cultural habits of those around you. Be aware of what others do and follow their lead. Meeting for meals in cafés and restaurants is not as straightforward as it may seem. SOMEONE has to foot the bill. If this isn’t discussed in advance (if your student age, it’s reasonable for everyone to chip in) then it can actually put people off attending because discussing it at the table is considered very rude. It is common practice otherwise for ONE person to invite the others and make it clear with “je vous invite” (the closest thing to “my treat!”) Hence, I prefer to arrange for someone to show me around an art gallery and I “invite” to coffee and ice-cream afterwards.

Breaking the ice is hard… people do not want to seem pushy. It can come across as indifferent. Ask questions, think outside of the box - it will happen!

Another tack to try:

Get to your local Office de Tourisme and ASK for info on organised walks, communal meals etc. Sign up.. go.. and TELL people you are feeling lonely and far away from home and that’s why you’ve joined their group event!

People cannot mind-read and we Brits are too good at hiding our emotions for them to be visible to our french friends! You have to be brave and blunt. “I joined this walk to meet new people. I’m from England and I’m finding it hard to meet people. It gets a bit lonely!” You will be amazed at what clear cut “out with it” talking can do.

Don’t think that you have to stick with your own age group to have a great time. Someone somewhere will take you under their wing and before you know it you’ll have been “adopted” :)

Thank you for the advice mumstheword. I have joined a few work groups and am looking into joining some sports teams aswell. (Although I have to go to the doctors to get a medical first….stupid french rules! Lol)

Good luck!

Actually, much as I hate all the bureaucracy.. it is a cracking way to make conversation! Just act dim, pretend you don’t understand the forms and ask for some help!

You might want to explore some expat sites as they have lots of helpful advice. Try frenchentree.com.

ooh.. thinking about ideas for a get-together…

Good old English tea and cakes might work!

Jamiee wrote:

♥Rαvєr♥ wrote:
Well to sum it all up… it looks like you rely on other people to be happy. You need to learn to create your own happiness. Look at the reality in front of you and take as much out of it as you can. Its time to rely on yourself now.

Well the reality in front of me is that it’s my birthday and I’m alone. I’ve tried to make friends but theres only so much you can contact people with no reply until you start to look like a stalker.
I don’t rely on other people to make me happy. I am an independent person, I’ve been living on my own in France for the last year. I’ve managed to find myself somewhere to live both last yeas and this year. I struggled but managed to make friends last year. I’ve joined clubs both years to try and integrate and meet people.
I could maybe take your advice seriously but it doesn’t look like you’ve ever been sitting where I am right now. Sorry.

Thats the thing, I have. You are basing your unhappiness on your lack of friends etc.

I’m not saying your not independant. The fact you moved to france to study shows that you completely are!

I just mean, whilst friends are amazing - don’t push it. I’m sorry you feel lonely, but you are young and theres a lot of time left for you to have friends. I’m sure it wont be like this forever.