Relationships help: He kind of proposed, I feel sick. - Help.com

He kind of proposed, I feel sick.

Last year I decided to go back to school to persue a medical education. My OH and I live together so it was a decision that I consulted him about quite a bit. We still pay 50-50 equal share of everything, though I am making hardly any money now - when I have time to work. Last week I was at my wits end (he didn’t have enough for rent this month and I had to back him a bit) So I asked him if we could come up with a different financial strategy. I know it’s a lot to ask, but if he’s not making enough to pay half the rent, I think he should get another job.

This is where it gets weird. He told me that he needed more of a relational commitment from me if he was going to make more of a financial commitment to us. I admit, I have a hard time talking or even thinking about marriage and I’ve always avoided the topic whenever he brings it up. But why do I have to make that desicion for him to get himself in a better place financially?

I thought this was the guy I wanted to be with forever, but now that all of this is being brought up, I’m not sure. Should I stay and talk it out, or should I run while I still have a chance? My studies are starting to suffer with this stress.

This open post was written 2 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 133, 8, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Subscribe to Replies | Report Post


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Since writing this post mzlinz may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. mzlinz is a verified member, has been around for 7 months, 1 week and has 2 posts and 2 replies to their name.

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proposal, Relationships, breaking up (Edit Tags) (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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ameliaearthlin offline Verified User (8 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 17 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 1 week ago (5 minutes after post)

hes insecure about your love for him. U guys need to talk.
He is kind of proposing but fears u dont really want to be with him… which is why is he unwilling to commit money wise.
Do u want to be with him forever?

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carpe_noctem offline Verified User (8 months, 4 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 12 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 1 week ago (16 minutes after post)

you need a good, long talk. dont get hitched right away if your not feeling it. your under alot of stress, and you shouldnt make tese decisions to hastily.

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monkichirmo offline Verified User (6 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 7 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 1 week ago (34 minutes after post)

you could always live it out like roomates, meaning he has to come up with his share no matter what. if he borrows, he needs to pay back etc. i’ve always thought bringing in finances into relationships complicated things and i know they do! fortunately i never had to.

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classicrock1818 offline Verified User (11 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 76 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 1 week ago (45 minutes after post)

you have to tstay and talk it out. you know it.

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samyaze offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 19 minutes after post)

He wants security. He knows, as a smart person, that people who get medical degrees often leave their significant others after they complete their education. He wants to know that if he helps support you both more during your educational process that you will still be with him when you ‘arrive.’

Leave the question of linking his wanting commitment based on money out of it, because that will only stain your thinking where you should really be applying it. What you need to really focus on is: do you REALLY love him? I mean in the “let’s be together forever kind of way,” or is he just a tool to help pay the rent. I am not trying to be rude; relationships are as realpolitik as politics.

Best,
Someonewhoknows

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mzlinz offline Verified User (7 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (12 hours, 47 minutes after post)

I really do love him. The problem I am having is that he is not good with his money. I can’t help support him while I’m in school. The real question is, am I making a mistake staying with a guy who can’t take care of himself financially? And how can I tell if he is using me to get the lifestyle he wants in the future?

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monkichirmo offline Verified User (6 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 7 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (16 hours, 33 minutes after post)

hm, i think if he really cares about you and of course, he knows he’s not good w/ $$ then he should own up to it and learn how to manage better. could be as small as you giving him tips or there’s classes etc. if you mean he doesn’t make enough to actually support himself(let alone a family) well, as long as he has the drive to do better and is actually trying(like you’re doing w/ school, or learning a trade) then i would wait and see if he’s actually going anyplace. if he’s not even trying and is expecting you to support him; hell no! but, that’s just my opinion.

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ameliaearthlin offline Verified User (8 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 17 Add Friend #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (21 hours, 25 minutes after post)

mzlinz wrote:
I really do love him. The problem I am having is that he is not good with his money. I can’t help support him while I’m in school. The real question is, am I making a mistake staying with a guy who can’t take care of himself financially? And how can I tell if he is using me to get the lifestyle he wants in the future?

wow! If u truly feel he isnt going to make an effort and wants to free load off u then dump him hun… he will never learn to stand on his own 2 feet unless u make him.

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