Love help: I’m in love with my ex. - Help.com



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I’m in love with my ex.

I know that I should get over him, but I truly feel like we are meant to end up together. We dated for almost 9 years beginning in high school. We lived together for the last 2.5 years. Recently, we separated for multiple reasons. I tell the concerned people in my life that it was mutual because I don’t want their pity, but it really was more his decision.

1) We both felt as though it had been long enough and that after almost 9 years, we should either get married or split. I was more than ready to get married, and he wasn’t.
2) At the time that we decided to split, he said that he still loved me, but that he wanted to grow as an individual because we had become a single entity, etc.
3) We are entering different stages in our lives. He went to med school, and I entered the full time job market.

Because of the split, I didn’t feel as though I could stay in the same city, so I moved as far as I could to get away from the memories and the pain. However, I would move back to him in a heartbeat. I am now in a new city with very few friends. He was my best friend, so now I have nobody to really talk to anymore. We are still friends and talk a couple of times a week because we share our pets, but it hurts so incredibly much to just hear his voice and know that we are no longer together. It’s been months, and I don’t want to get over him, but at the same time, I do - and even if I managed it, I wouldn’t really know where to begin seeing as I’ve not had a 1st date since high school.
I would love some sensible advice. Please.

This open post was written 2 months ago | V/U/S: 151, 3, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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stacyraylyn offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (22 minutes after post)

I wish I knew what exactly to do about this, as my experience is similar, and if it were up to me I would still be with my ex but he is moving away across the country to do a PhD and I can’t go because of a custody agreement and so we broke up the long term plan but he still wants to be on the short term plan- friends with benefits - and that is hard to do since I am in still madly in love with him.

The only advice I have is to take your time with dating. While it is great to meet a great person, most online dates aren’t incredibly successful and that can be depressing (and time consuming) unnecessarily. It is better to take your time, get out and make friends and establish a support net in your new city, and try to accept that this is a normal grieving process.

At least, if I ever manage to do it, I think it would work.

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partlythere offline Verified User (11 months, 4 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (25 minutes after post)

He’s got it easy– he hasn’t had to move his whole life, whereas you have. is is possible that you are not mixing things up because your whole life has shifted?

Six months ago i broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years–he is still studying and I graduated and am planning on moving away. It’s going to be about six months before I’m ready to actually move, so I find myself thinking it might be easier for us to get back together, even though he let me down when I finally asked him to move in with me, we share the same friends and being apart is DIFFICULT!

In the end, I just think: if he loved me enough, he’d do anything to keep me. Moving in with me/marrying me would be the first step, not the stumbling block! He didn’t stop me leaving him, and has done nothing since to try and get me back, so I feel it has really been the right decision.

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Help me with: I just want to do a bit of a rant here everyone!
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