Newly wed dealing with one issue after another…

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Newly wed dealing with one issue after another…

I have been married only 3 months to a man whom I love and have dated for 4 years.
The problems started only a month ago when unexpectedly I was fired from my job and along with all the obvious problems (looking for a new job in this economy, financial problems), I have been overwhelmingly depressed- I had a pretty successful career. It just completely shattered my pride.

That has of course impacted my relationship with my husband.

And shortly after, my Dog died (he was 16 and had been pretty weak for sometime, I was expecting this) but still was completely heart broken.

And my 87 year old Grandmother is ill, she gets better sometimes but my family and I have been thru so much dealing with her illness and trying to prepare for the worst…

of course this has been devasting to my Mom who is also now sick and although it’s not serious, she is a cancer survivor. I want to spend as much time with them as I can.

i have been pretty upset for about the entire month now. And what made me even more angry is that my husband still expects me to be social with his family (big extended family with constant social gatherings) I love them but until recently, I realized that my husband has never shown any interest in cultivating a relationship with my parents. When I visit my folks, I always go alone. He and I have been fighting about this-mostly with him saying he will do as asked, but it hurts that he genuinely lacks the interest to get to know them better.
And that hurts.
My husband is a good man and I understand that most people dont love their in-laws but he doesnt even know them.
I am tired of fighting with my husband about this but i feel like this is something I cant compromise on… how can i put this in a way that he will take it seriously aside from arguing?

This closed post was written 2 months ago | V/U/S: 111, 8, 5 | Edit Post | Report Post

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Anonymous #
2 months ago (5 minutes after post)

Wow, that sounds frusterating :(

I am going to be married TOMORROW, actually, to a man I have been dating for 4 years as well. Here’s my advice to you:
Honestly, you just need to sit down and have a long talk with your husband. Part of marraige is communication, and it seems that the two of you are lacking this in certain aspects. Explain to him why you are so upset, point out the fact that his family has very frequent social gatherings, and explain to him that you would like him to make the same efforts for your family as you do for his.

Also, keep in mind that you have only been married three months– don’t lose hope yet!

I hope I’ve helped in some way, and God Bless!!! :) 3

littlenick 126 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months ago (14 minutes after post)

Have a long heart to heart with him. Explain to him that you feel his family is part of your family and he should feel like he is part of your family. That’s what happens when you marry. You don’t just marry the spouse, the spouse comes with a family and you and him should be ready to deal with both of your families. However, since your husband is making it only one sided for him, tell him how you feel. Sounds like you only dated him for the four years but he never came around to visit your family. Don’t let this issue get old, or you and him might be headed to a marriage counselor who may not be able to fix this for you if you let it go on too long.

You barely got married. Slowly but surely tell him that you want him and you to visit each other’s families together and not separately. It should be a give and take situation or you it’s bound to get worse before it gets better.

Help me with: How to Get a Job

Dr. Ralph 76 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (23 minutes after post)

Your husband should spend time with your family too… I guess. Did he do the same as he is doing now before you married him? Now he is supposed to change? I’m not there but at least he’s not cheating or in jail or lost his job like you did.

Help me with: They just started year round school here and the kids are on fall break.

calemus 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (39 minutes after post)

stop fighting
accept it for what it is
love him and remind him every OTHER month or so that you want him to get to know your family

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Anonymous #
2 months ago (39 minutes after post)

Thanks Dr Ralph, especially about the comment about me losing my job. Thanks

littlenick 126 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months ago (50 minutes after post)

talk to him asap

Help me with: How to Get a Job

beatricegalant 9 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (2 hours, 23 minutes after post)

Do you live far away from your family? As hurtful as it may sound to you but I have to agree with Dr. Ralph in that thought that he didn’t see your family before you got married or during your marriage ceremony either, so my thought is that he thinks it wasn’t or isn’t important to you. Have you ever asked him to meet your parents? On the other hand, you have a valid point. If a spouse is not interested seeing where his/her wife/husband came from and his/her relatives, parents, then this spouse shows no respect for you. littlenick said to talk to him asap. You must. He needs to understand how you feel about this. If you let it be, later on in your marriage there will be tons of other things which will be important to you but he is used to ignore you. It will be a reason for divorce. Talk it out before it gets worse.

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