divorce help: I am having a panic attack knowing that my ex is with someone else right now. - Help.com

I’m entiely sure you’ve heard this before, but its time to let go.

Yes, its the hardest. Yes, it sucks really bad. But do what you have to do to move forward. Focus on what you’ve gained in your life - not what you’re losing.

Usually with a break up, either one or both parties tends to end up feeling about 4 ft tall. Its a huge ego blast, not to mention how difficult dettaching youself from someone is extremly difficult. One of the most difficult things. You dont need a perfect stanger telling you that you aren’t worthless, you KNOW you aren’t useless or you wouldn’t bother asking.

He sees that you guys aren’t compatible - and sometimes love ISNT enough. You can love someone but it might be impossible and harmful to push the relationship forward.

he probably sees that it is time to seriously cut the ties, because falling back into old patterns is too easy. Perhaps he was being honest, but he knows that its over and trying something that you already know doesn’t work is futile.

You dont.

Its not about you not loving them. Its that you dont work together, because if you did you wouldn’t be here having this dicussion. You guys tried but it just didn’t work.

What are the reasons, if you feel like sharing?

becky4 wrote:
We were together for 22 years. It is so hard to give up. We can’t cut ties completely because we have a child together. How do you stop loving someone?

You’ll probably never stop loving him. But you can move on. Just spend 15 minutes every day NOT thinking about him. Don’t let him enter your head at all. If he pops in there, think about anything else.

The next day, spend 30 minutes NOT thinking about him. And after that an hour. Every day find something you can do that will keep him out of your thoughts. Finally, you’ll be able to think without all that anger, and after that you’ll be able to let go and move on.

becky4 wrote:
He left because he said he was just not happy. After we were divorced he told me that he felt like he made the biggest mistake of his life but we couldn’t go back to living together because he is buying a house. He said that the divorce was just an argument that went to far and now involves real estate. I still lose my breath when he touches me and can’t sleep thinking about him.
Dragon_Lady you are right. I don’t think that I have gone 15 minutes without thinking about him. He is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing when I am falling asleep. He is in my dreams. I still look for things he would want when I am shopping. I still cook enough food for him. I plan my day around his phone calls. That is why today has been especially hard. I miss his voice. We spent more than half of our lives together. I know that when it is time for our daughter to go see him that he will hug me and I will be torn apart again.

Yes; been there and done that. Had to go to counselling and that is the first advice I got. I went to the library and counted books the first day! I was so obsessed and upset and convinced that our relationship could’ve worked. I guess I still think that, because I don’t wish him any ill. But I realize now that he was never committed 100%, and that’s what marriage is. Without that, you have nothing together, and you deserve so much more!

Out there somewhere is a guy who will love you, want you, and be willing to form a real partnership that won’t dissolve over petty arguments and the general BS of living. And when you find him, the guy you think you can’t live without now will just be “Ol’ What’s-his-name”. :)

So stand up, brush him off and live your life. Love your daughter and let her love him. But hold on to yourself and your sanity; because Mr. Right will appear one day and you’ll be happier than ever. :)

becky4 wrote:
Thank you all for letting me get some of it out and for your advice. Dragon_Lady, I think you understand better than anyone else. Thank you so much.

You are so very welcome. :)