On sat night I became really scared of this guy and it ended up me having a completely himiliating time. - Help.com

You listened to your “gut,” and your “gut” told you that this guy was trouble. And, yes, he WAS trying to maneuver you into your bedroom. When you have alarm bells going off in your head like that, heed them! And don’t worry about being embarrassed or hurting someone’s feelings. The jerks of the world use those feelings to get their victims just where they want them. Here’s rule number one: you owe no courtesies to a jerk. The prime concern is your safety and well-being. And next time . . . don’t let someone into your home until you know him a lot better!

Your brother should have been more supportive. Big deal he had to lie.
The guy sounds like bad news! You did the right thing. The only
issue you should consider in the future is if you do not feel comfortable
forget about the guy’s feelings and don’t bring him home!!

The problem here is you give in. Where’s you assertiveness? You are so afraid of being rude that you give in to others because you are afraid of how you will look to them.

As long as you let this happen, you will be a prisoner of your anxiety.

You have to look a guy in the eye and say, “No means no, *******. Back off.” when they press their luck. This guy kept after you because you kept giving in. There will always be people like that. You will only feel more confident and safe when you don’t give in to people like that and keep second-guessing yourself.

spiritedsoul wrote:
i dont like hurting peoples feelings.

So you sacrifice your own mental and physical safety to avoid hurting someone’s feelings? Wow. You are so BRITISH! Look, people will respect you for defining your limits up front and being firm. Hurting feelings is part of life. But the real trouble here is NOT hurting someone’s feelings. It is your FEAR of standing up for yourself because you can’t stand to see someone looking hurt. That FEAR will hold you back your entire life. You must be able to look someone in the eyes and say, “Sorry but no.”

People can smell weakness. Some take advantage of it. You’re a sweet girl but the answer to your troubles is that strength inside you that you keep refusing to use.

Nobody is judging you.

It’s called humour. I tease my other British friend about the same thing.

Your insecurity is getting in the way of (a) you’re being able to laugh at yourself; and (b) your being able to stick up for yourself. That’s a recipe for making others uncomfortable and sending mixed messages.

You feel what you feel. Instead of worrying about over-reacting, worry about why you let yourself get into that situation in the first place. Instead of taking what I am saying to you personally, use it to figure out how to prevent future problems. I don’t get any jollies from insulting you. I want to help you see how your anxiety and insecurity are causing you systemic problems, problems you can avoid and find happiness instead.

a piece of advice… dont meet people you met on facebook in person alone, especially if you are a girl and if they say they just want to see you alone tell them you’ll feel more comfortable if you have friends, if they argue and are difficult then its probably not the kind of person you want to be meeting in the first place. :)

oh… good for you. facebook is evil!!

You could have ended up in a dangerous if not deadly situation if your brother had not shown up. Hindsight is 20/20, but the lesson here is to never end up alone with someone who makes your spidey senses tingle, and absolutely do NOT allow such a person into your house. Forget your brother and your fear of ruining other peoples’ good time at the party: you are safe, have hopefully learned a lesson and will NOT allow yourself to get into such a potentially dangerous situation ever again. Be careful out there!

Halloweensqueen is right in that, don’t mind others in this case but think of yourself.

It is a pity, but a girl is very much up to her own judgement and decisions in such situations. Intuition is your best tool here, and you should listen to that intuitive voice.

Of course that guy was trying to take advantage of the situation! What business would he have in your room?
I don’t blame him for being interested, because you are very nice. But I blame him for not being sensitive, and for crossing the border of getting you feel uncomfortable.
He could be nice to others and even to you under other circumstances, but you know what he was going for in this case.

And this is the point where his own judgement about what is ‘mild persuation’ VS force will totally crash down.
It could end by where you feel raped but where he believes that you were willing. He would possibly really think so too, because he would rationalize. “Your mouth said no no, but your eyes said yes, yes, yes”, and all that stuff. It is the situation where he misinterpretes your reactions and believes what he WANTS to believe.

So don’t mind what other people think, you did very right and you should not have any remorse. Next time, just state “because I don’t want you around now”, instead of thinking of his feelings.

That guy will probably need a few tough rejections to shape up and act civilized. I don’t say that he necessarily is a bad guy in general, but he crossed some important social borders in this case.