life help: Im nearly 20. - Help.com

unique.life
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Im nearly 20.

I feel so stupid saying this but im so scared of what i think im becoming..
Mental.. Crazyy..Insanee????? Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lots of friends… I workk.. I go out at the weekends.. I enjoy myself..
Ive had boyfriends.. but i dont want to settle down.. What am i complaining about then right?
At the moment i can just about talk to my friends in full convosatons..
New people?? i run a mile.. my boss.. tounge tied.. my familyy.. agitated..
when ur younger its alrght to be who you want to be with no judjement..
I dont know how even to put all whats going through my head and has been for soo longg into this box…. i feel so alone no one understands me……………
everyone thinkss im happy i used to be so outgoing.. i can barely bring a smile or a nodd of the head to greet someone these days.. ever since i can remember i wanted to get out of where i am the people i knew just change me ive never beeen happy with myself.. Not being big headed im not overweight or realllly ugly i just feel i am even though i know im nott? Im SO FUCKEDDD in the headd im bored of my lifee i miss my best mate who i could rely on who would always be there for me.. We had plans to travel the world.. she died about 3 years ago.. left me on my own.. to be my own person.. but it didnt quite work out liek that instead i feel like this.. wasted. yes i have cried and realised she has gone and wont ever come backk and all the crap dont need the i feel sorry for you im just so losssed i have no clue.. i dont know who i am? or where i want to go.. i dont even know if im straight or Bi ive never attempted suicide but some days i wake up with a smile.. when daydreaming of if i had the guts to jump out into that bus..
If i feel an emotion of happy.. merry, sad, angry..annoyed.. ANTHINGG i feel.. within 10 minutes i will go back to how i orginally feltt. any emotion will just go on by i REALLY dont care about anything..
ANYTHINGG AT aLL i want help.. im so sick of feeling this way not giving to ***** about anything.. wishing and hoping 2moro will be a better dayy.. Then i thinkk.. my lifes not really that badd compared to others..
but thinking like that dont do any gooood!! cause to me its sad.. I know you people cant help mee ull probabily say i need to help myself.. im a smart women.. give me any problem any relationship problem.. work task almost anything i can fix or mend.. just not me..
=[ I thought this would helpp.. but its just got me mad.. how low ive come to.. to rightt a few sentences from my head.. out of the 100000000000000000000+ of paragraphs scrambling through it. why is it if ive so many good people in my lifee i cant talk to just one of them why cant they help me?
I havnt even moved on.. to why i actually think im like turning mental.. how stupid is that ? not even to people i dont know.. i cant explain it.. Its just destined.. =[ thanks for listeninn hope ive at least made u feel better.. ha ha ha………….. maybe not.

This open post was written 1 month, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 112, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post unique.life may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. unique.life is a verified member, has been around for 1 month, 4 weeks and has 5 posts and 10 replies to their name.

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Dragon_Lady offline Verified User (1 year, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 month, 4 weeks ago (53 minutes after post)

I think you’re suffering a bit of depression, and may benefit from some medication. Talking to your doctor might be the best thing you ever did. :)

Hang in there. It’s tough to lose someone, even with all the support of your family and friends it can really screw your head up and cause you to feel like a stone inside.

Been there; done that, and know just what you are going through. You’re not alone with it, and it will get better. But it takes time, and in the meantime an anti-depressant may help out a lot.

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Korwinn offline Verified User (4 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 4 weeks ago (2 hours, 6 minutes after post)

you sound like myself and plenty of other people that I know that are in their early twenties. You had or may even have dreams and ambitions for the future still and one day it just hits you, “wow what the **** happened to me?” You realize how much of a loser you are and that the life you are living is in no way the one that you had envisioned for yourself. This is where you realize that you are standing in the middle of a cross road. Either you continue down the path you’re on or take the initiative, and go the other direction since this one hasn’t made you happy.

I know my thing is that a part of me is scared to enter into the “real world” fully. It’s easier to just think about short term goals, which usually is hanging out with my friends and partying all the time. The lifestyle is selfish, but easy to live. But it’s not fulfilling and you come home and the life is just too simple. There’s no substance. Nothing to really live for. You just continue a mediocre career just until the weekend where you meet up with your friends and hook up with girls. You live this playboy lifestyle that your friends that are stuck in families are enviable of and they have no idea the monotony of it all. Drives you crazy because every night burrs together as the same. More and more eventful things have to happen for you to get some joy out of it. Living a party life is like a drug and your tolerance for craziness just gets higher and takes more you surprise you. There has to be more, and then I wonder is there more or is this it? Even family life sounds awful! I have some good friends with families and I don’t envy them one bit, but I just have the perspective of an outsider. Maybe there’s something to it.

Sorry you got me on a rant there, but don’t worry about life. You have a lot of time to fix problems and create others. You will find a cause that makes life less boring and more fulfilling. Do what makes you happy or try to find a happiness in life.

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