I need major help on a personal statement. - Help.com

I need major help on a personal statement.

Does this need more focus or does it properly answer the question? I am trying to get into Purdue’s flight program. My dad didn’t help because he wants me to change at least 2/3 of it, which I find to be quite unreasonable compared to what other people have been telling me. Thank you!

Describe how your college education will allow you to achieve your personal or professional goals.

I desire, more than anything, to be a professional whose actions will be necessary, if not cherished, for all time. Yet, I have trouble convincing my parents that an airline pilot is indeed a professional. Their words do not sway me. I understand that my college education will open my mind to new possibilities while allowing me to push myself in the direction of whichever career I choose. I dream of becoming a pilot because I envision enjoying my career to the fullest. Yes, I understand the hardships; they come, among many important factors, with pay based on seniority and attaining just the “right kind” of experience to be hired for any given company. I have no shame in enjoying the adventure, and even the danger and unpredictability of what so many people, regardless of intellect, would never consider. Just because I am willing to take a risk to keep travelers safe does not mean I am of a lower value. I say this not to insult flying at all; I only bring up a common debate topic because of how I was raised - the airline pilot “collar crisis” - in a community of like-minded scholars. I am used to walking in on family, as they sit at their desks for hours upon hours of endless debate, excluding me. “What should Sonya do with her life?” They ponder. I am very intelligent, but I am also a common sense, no-nonsense kind of woman. I am intelligent enough to know that I have the potential to perform so much more than what any schoolteacher has ever asked of me. Parents have told me I will waste my intellect if I pursue a career as a pilot. How untrue! People dream of travel and I need to keep them safe, so they can achieve their dreams in the safest and most efficient way possible. I have the sense of civic duty to take charge of a situation calmly and one day keep civilians safe. At the same time, I will be pursuing an adventure of my own in the sky. My liberal arts college education will make me aware of the other vocational options; I would not be smart to disregard a Plan B! Most importantly, I will soar atop Plan A through my fulfilling college experience at Purdue.

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