Help help: So here is a quickie on my present life… 33 yrs old, Father of 4, married, good job, no money problems, great wife. - Help.com

Have you anybody to talk to around you that you can confide in? You need a sounding board. Someone you can actually talk to. Have you any idea why your wife is like that? Is she going through some issues herself?

Somebody needs to remind your wife that you guys got married for better or for worse and that she needs to support you and help you out in this time of need. What goes around comes around. What if she was in your shoes?

shh wrote:
awe poor guy

??

Sometimes just writing the stuff down, like you have done up there on your post, helps relieve some anxiety and stress.

You’ve been through a hell of a lot…. and i for one know it’s not easy… if one thing at a time hit you you could handle it but suddenly everything comes at once and you feel like you are drowning… i’ve been there… and only just coming out the other side of it now… Littlenick is right… you need to talk to someone… maybe a friend… but quite possibly it might be better to find a counsellor to help you pick through things… it will take some time and if you talk to a friend they may be tempted to offer opinions rather than listen and what you really need is for someone to listen to you.

I’m guessing your wife is struggling…. it sounds like before everything got too much for you you were probably the stereotypical male provider, strong and secure… and when everything has gotten too much she’s struggled with losing her strong husband… it is probably just as scarey for her… maybe even more so as she will be worrying about the same things as you plus worrying about you too. It’s often easier to pretend it isn’t happening hence her withdrawing from you but i know that doesn’t make it any easier for you.

Maybe you could make an appointment with your doctor… possibly get some pills to help with the depression you are dealing with, try some exercise… and i mean something simple like getting out of the house and walking ( i use to go for a walk and talk to myself… everything i wanted to say to my partner but couldn’t… i probably looked mad but i couldn’t have cared less) and your doctor should be able to direct you to a good counsellor.

I hope things start to look up for you soon.

I have nowhere near as much problems as you and I cannot say I understand what you are going though. I do however understand the pain of depression and loneliness. I too hide so many things and have no one in real life to really “talk” to. My only friends are from back home and ever since I moved, I had nobody.

Things that help me sometimes are just getting up and out, or even taking a drive. Just go out and drive down roads you’ve never been on. Listen to a favorite playlist or something perhaps. Or if I don’t have any money for gas or I would just skate, ride a bike, or walk to somewhere nice. Even if it’s by yourself all the time.

And about your wife. I’m sure you love her a lot so why don’t you ask her to just take a seat when she’s not busy and have a nice conversation with her. Maybe even go out walking together talking things out? Maybe you can tell her, you love her and know that she’s going through a lot of stress and you are too. Tell her the truth, tell her that you need some help right now because you are on your last leg.

I wish I could give you better advice, and I’m sorry if this doesn’t help, but I do hope you can find some way to clear things up and I’m sure you will. you don’t have to look tough, just try to enjoy life my friend.

I suspect you wife acts like this because of the way you project yourself. She worries about everything you’re worrying about too, but you’re supposed to be the strong one. So when she sees you like this it scares her even more. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t or can’t feel the way you do right now. Just realize that she sees you as the strong one in the relationship, and to see you the way you are freaks her out. She should be supportive of you, but probably doesn’t know how to.

My advice is to not try and attack the situation as a whole. It’s too much to take on. You can’t beat life’s problems, but you can work on them one at a time. A good exercise I’d recommend is for you to write out a list of your biggest issues. Then segment this list into 3 categories: Things you can actively change and affect, things you can influence, and things beyond your control or influence. Right away, whatever falls into the bucket of beyond your control and influence should become the least of your immediate concerns. There is nothing you can do to affect them. Those issues will be their no matter what course of action you take. So don’t worry yourself to death over them. After you do that, begin focusing on the things that you can actually control and influence. Make small steps towards the end solutions you are looking for. For example: If your kids are bad, you can’t make them good overnight. But you can try to spend more time with them, and influence their future decisions by imparting your wisdom and experience to them.

And I urge you to speak openly with your wife about what you’re going through. I would tell her exactly what you told this message board, how you really need someone to talk to about things. And don’t be so condemning of your friends, either. I think you’d be surprised by their reaction if you could find a way to tell them. People are inherently caring, but as men we try to hide this always show our strength. Well sometimes the strong side loses out to all the things that are weighing on us. It’s times like this that friends can be better than anything else, because they can help you get through the day.

You’re still here today even after all the BS you’ve had to deal with. You’re still going to be here tomorrow. All you can do is try to move forward in a positive way. You’ve got this, man.

I’m not a doctor… and i’m not a fan of popping pills for any ailment if i am honest but i mentioned it only as a possibility…. depression sometimes needs to addressed from several different angles and to be honest any doctor who prescribed pills but not counselling should be struck off as i believe they should never be prescribed without trying to address the root of the problem at the same time.

If you feel you have the exercise in hand and it sounds like you do then i think you have to admit that your way is not working…. bottling it up inside…. no desire to talk…. i think you are wrong…. because something drove you to log on here and talk!

First of all here is a hug (x)… and I am sorry you are going through so much at one time. If you didn’t have any one else to turn to and be real with it has to intensify things all the more. Having people you can’t be real with and have to put up a front with is like having no one at all. I am glad that you are at least able to come in here and be heard and accepted as you are.
First of all being injured breaks the pattern that has been going so well for all this time with your family. You feel like you have lost some power of being able to provide and control the situation. I know i had been working the same same job for over 5 years outside all day in the sun and I just recently had a heat stroke, and my boss did not help out with workers compensation or even call 911. then he told me he has nothing for me to do indoors, so I can no longer work. I have had people for my work harassing me to just quit, but if I did I would just loose all rights to claim w.comp. so I have had to get legal help and today I have to go to a therapist because this has triggered my depression and made me not want to get out of bed.
People will let you down, but you have to keep kicking your way through all the way.
I do not understand why your wife is acting this way, but some people just can’t deal with other people’s needs like they should. Is there a reason why you think she is acting this way? Has she always been this way, or is she overwhelmed and scared of so much at one time going wrong and she is just shutting down?
I have also had those dreams your talking about and you just wake up pissed off at the other person thinking they might have really done something because they seem so real and stick in your head!
Tell your wife that you really need to be able to communicate better with her and work on this relationship and problems together. Having no break from the kids has to be hard, can you guys just ask someone to babysit for a few hours and spend some time together alone and work out some stuff and refocus and get a plan to deal with things together one step at a time, after all I think that is why we are only given a day at a time because it is to hard otherwise :) Keep your chin up,
I hope that this is helpful, God Bless.

shh wrote:
thanks

:)

I do hope that you do feel less overwhelmed from the last time you posted this and my sympathies goes out to you. things are tough for alot and heck i agree pills are not always the best way out.
I know how it feels when you feel everything is not within your grasp anymore but i dont know how all those have weighed upon your shoulder
I hav read some replies and some of them are good and some my thoughts too
as some might hav said talk to her, i dont think that she does this to be mean but i dont know her. i truly hope that you get over it cause we all hav our steep lows in life same as Agaperoot super *HUGS* to YOU :)

Hope this works but um i’ve sent a few and they dont work and im sending this pic cause well i like it :)

a href=”http://photobucket.com/images/hugs” target=”_blank”> img src=”http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r18/africa_queen/big-hug.gif” border=”0″ alt=”bear hugs Pictures, Images and Photos”/> /a>

Anytime if u want a hug or advice giv me a shout :)