friends help: how do i tolerate the crap my friends say? - Help.com

don’t let them do that to you. friends don’t put friends down.

Why would you tolerate it. Tell them to stop.

i figure it’s more a man of me to tolerate something than to fight it.

Anonymous wrote:
i figure it’s more a man of me to tolerate something than to fight it.

You got that wrong. It’s more a man of you to get them to stop and tell them to shove it in a firm and blunt way so they get the point.

Don’t be a pushover otherwise that’s the reputation you’re going to have and they will make you the butt of their jokes and will always have a good laugh at your expense.

Be more assertive and stand your ground.

littlenick wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i figure it’s more a man of me to tolerate something than to fight it.

You got that wrong. It’s more a man of you to get them to stop and tell them to shove it in a firm and blunt way so they get the point.

Don’t be a pushover otherwise that’s the reputation you’re going to have and they will make you the butt of their jokes and will always have a good laugh at your expense.

Be more assertive and stand your ground.

totally agree!

You dont necessarily need to tolerate it, maybe when you are alone with one of them ask them why the feel the need to do it, single them out and make them feel small, it might stop them from doing it
What kinda insults are they?

littlenick wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i figure it’s more a man of me to tolerate something than to fight it.

You got that wrong. It’s more a man of you to get them to stop and tell them to shove it in a firm and blunt way so they get the point.

Don’t be a pushover otherwise that’s the reputation you’re going to have and they will make you the butt of their jokes and will always have a good laugh at your expense.

Be more assertive and stand your ground.

let’s just say i have a built up temper and these guys are kinda edgy. they will take my words by my mood and i hate drama so much. if they get any anger from me, they go home and don’t talk to me. and i look like a jackass.

that’s why i figure… no point in fighting it if all it does is no good. might as well find a clever and neat way to tolerate it.

*sigh*

Friends in general wont treat their friends like that. No you shouldnt tolerate it and as far as they are concerned… your better off without them!

darkness_and_stars wrote:
You dont necessarily need to tolerate it, maybe when you are alone with one of them ask them why the feel the need to do it, single them out and make them feel small, it might stop them from doing it
What kinda insults are they?

you know all those mistakes you make or those 100 small flaws about yourself? things that don’t matter that much really.. but when they are said enough, the small things annoy you the most?

all that stuff. everyday. on repeat. to an extreme against 1 person.

Then Im sorry but they dont seem like your friends

Practice being more assertive and standing your ground. Don’t be a pushover!

How to Be More Assertive

Sick and tired of being passed over, pushed around and last in line for lunch? Becoming a more assertive person is a challenge, but one we all must face in this dog-eat-dog world.

Instructions

Step 1

Express what you need. The key to being more assertive is to communicate your wants, desires and necessities in a clear language. This doesn’t mean you have to be aggresive. State your needs in a firm, steady tone. You’ll notice a world of difference when you speak up! If you want to be respected and treated with courtesy tell your friends. They are not mind readers.

Step 2

Change your body language. Open up your posture, take your hands off your chest, uncross your legs and hold eye contact. Keep your face and your tone under control. This doesn’t mean that you have to be stoic or icy, just make sure you aren’t making an assertive statement with a wavering voice and an apologetic face. Be firm about what you want.

Step 3

Stop making your words sound like questions. It is quite common in our culture to change the tone of voice so that a statement we are making comes out of our mouths in a questioning way. This is especially true with women. Unfortunately, it’s so common that people rarely notice it anymore. Heighten your assertiveness by keeping your tone even at the end of a sentence. For example, if you plan on discussing a pay raise with your boss, you want to say, “I feel I should be considered for a raise.” You should not say, “I feel I should be considered for a raise?” And to your friends say, “I know you did not mean to say that” and give them that serious look.

Step 4

Quit apologizing. Society’s questioning nature goes hand-in-hand with our tendency to start every sentence with, “I’m sorry.” Are you really sorry? Did you do something to warrant an apology? If you run into someone at the train station, “I’m sorry” is probably a good idea. But if you are in the office kitchen getting coffee and your boss comes in, don’t jump right to, “I’m sorry, I was just getting a cup of coffee.” No one is faulting you for getting some caffeine! Be more assertive by dropping the apologies. Don’t apologize for being alive and trying to take your place in this world.

Step 5

Use the word “I”. If you start your sentences with “I” you are taking responsibility for yourself, which is an assertive action. In addition, you are not including others, as you would when speaking with the word “we”. This helps to communicate your needs more clearly–they are your needs, not anyone else’s.

Step 6

Allow yourself time to change. No one can become more assertive overnight, and it’s certainly easy to fall into old habits of apologizing and changing statements to questions. A big part of being assertive is being determined. Tenacity is a quality of an assertive person.

Step 7

Speak up. Don’t let things go unsaid or keep them bottled up. You will explode eventually and it will make you look worse than if you had actually spoke up at the time that you were supposed to because by the time you decide to speak up people will have forgotten about the incident that made you speak up later and they will think you’re just crazy or just being a jerk. The blame will fall on you.

Step 8

When friends or coworkers say things about you or to you that you don’t like, it’s just a matter of saying at that moment, “I don’t appreciate what you say or have said” and look them straight in the eye and just wait a few seconds for an apology and if they don’t give you an apology just walk away and give them your back and ignore them for the rest of the day. And when they decide to talk to you again, just tell them “I’m still expecting an apology for the things you said to me.” They will get the hint and if they don’t, you don’t want them as friends because they are going to continue hurting you or saying mean or nasty things to you.

Tips & Warnings

*
Practice makes perfect. If you are a little awkward with your newly instituted assertiveness, don’t be afraid to try a few dry runs in front of the mirror. Trustworthy friends who will give you honest feedback will also be helpful.
*
Be a good listener! This may not seem like the first step to being assertive, but it’s crucial. Demonstrating your ability to listen makes you a respectful person and helps to create the important distinction between assertive and aggressive.

darkness_and_stars wrote:
Then Im sorry but they dont seem like your friends

they are. we’re just too close sometimes… none of this is worth breaking the friendship apart. it just has potential to if i don’t handle it right.

littlenick wrote:
Practice being more assertive and standing your ground. Don’t be a pushover!

How to Be More Assertive

Sick and tired of being passed over, pushed around and last in line for lunch? Becoming a more assertive person is a challenge, but one we all must face in this dog-eat-dog world.

Instructions

Step 1

Express what you need. The key to being more assertive is to communicate your wants, desires and necessities in a clear language. This doesn’t mean you have to be aggresive. State your needs in a firm, steady tone. You’ll notice a world of difference when you speak up! If you want to be respected and treated with courtesy tell your friends. They are not mind readers.

Step 2

Change your body language. Open up your posture, take your hands off your chest, uncross your legs and hold eye contact. Keep your face and your tone under control. This doesn’t mean that you have to be stoic or icy, just make sure you aren’t making an assertive statement with a wavering voice and an apologetic face. Be firm about what you want.

Step 3

Stop making your words sound like questions. It is quite common in our culture to change the tone of voice so that a statement we are making comes out of our mouths in a questioning way. This is especially true with women. Unfortunately, it’s so common that people rarely notice it anymore. Heighten your assertiveness by keeping your tone even at the end of a sentence. For example, if you plan on discussing a pay raise with your boss, you want to say, “I feel I should be considered for a raise.” You should not say, “I feel I should be considered for a raise?” And to your friends say, “I know you did not mean to say that” and give them that serious look.

Step 4

Quit apologizing. Society’s questioning nature goes hand-in-hand with our tendency to start every sentence with, “I’m sorry.” Are you really sorry? Did you do something to warrant an apology? If you run into someone at the train station, “I’m sorry” is probably a good idea. But if you are in the office kitchen getting coffee and your boss comes in, don’t jump right to, “I’m sorry, I was just getting a cup of coffee.” No one is faulting you for getting some caffeine! Be more assertive by dropping the apologies. Don’t apologize for being alive and trying to take your place in this world.

Step 5

Use the word “I”. If you start your sentences with “I” you are taking responsibility for yourself, which is an assertive action. In addition, you are not including others, as you would when speaking with the word “we”. This helps to communicate your needs more clearly–they are your needs, not anyone else’s.

Step 6

Allow yourself time to change. No one can become more assertive overnight, and it’s certainly easy to fall into old habits of apologizing and changing statements to questions. A big part of being assertive is being determined. Tenacity is a quality of an assertive person.

Step 7

Speak up. Don’t let things go unsaid or keep them bottled up. You will explode eventually and it will make you look worse than if you had actually spoke up at the time that you were supposed to because by the time you decide to speak up people will have forgotten about the incident that made you speak up later and they will think you’re just crazy or just being a jerk. The blame will fall on you.

Step 8

When friends or coworkers say things about you or to you that you don’t like, it’s just a matter of saying at that moment, “I don’t appreciate what you say or have said” and look them straight in the eye and just wait a few seconds for an apology and if they don’t give you an apology just walk away and give them your back and ignore them for the rest of the day. And when they decide to talk to you again, just tell them “I’m still expecting an apology for the things you said to me.” They will get the hint and if they don’t, you don’t want them as friends because they are going to continue hurting you or saying mean or nasty things to you.

Tips & Warnings

*
Practice makes perfect. If you are a little awkward with your newly instituted assertiveness, don’t be afraid to try a few dry runs in front of the mirror. Trustworthy friends who will give you honest feedback will also be helpful.
*
Be a good listener! This may not seem like the first step to being assertive, but it’s crucial. Demonstrating your ability to listen makes you a respectful person and helps to create the important distinction between assertive and aggressive.

I swear you’ve posted this on like 3 other posts :P

Read and concentrate on steps 7 and 8. That applies to you a lot!!!!

littlenick wrote:
Read and concentrate on steps 7 and 8. That applies to you a lot!!!!

Step 7 i will work on…

but Step 8…. ooohh no. i will never get an apology. just another insult. i can guarantee you that 100%. it’s hilarious actually… apologies are Not accepted under Any circumstances.

You say their ur closest friends, such a strong bond that ull get through anything.. If thats true they should know that there hurting you by calling you.. if they dont.. then talk to them about it.. & if you dont wanna do that then..
Just laugh… give it them back see how they like it..

ithink unique.life is right give them
back some of that trash talk see how they like it
also if there just kiddin tell to stop it
and if they dont well there not really good
friends

unique.life wrote:
You say their ur closest friends, such a strong bond that ull get through anything.. If thats true they should know that there hurting you by calling you.. if they dont.. then talk to them about it.. & if you dont wanna do that then..
Just laugh… give it them back see how they like it..