Can I love him anyway - can i forgive it all - how?

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Can I love him anyway - can i forgive it all - how?

I’ve been disagreeing with my brother for 5 years about the share of responsibilities for caring for our mum who has Alzheimers.

I think I’m standing up for good things. He thinks I’m being a *****.

He works really long hours and says he has limited time to help. I think he has a duty to make time for the things she needs. He does maybe 1/50th of what I do and it’s had a huge effect on my life / career opportunities / marriage (which ended) / income / chances of having kids.

So, we argue. Some people think it is because I am not letting him get away with stuff, some people think it is because I’m rude in how I communicate with him.

Thing is that communicating is so awful for both of us that we avoid it and then everything builds up…

I feel really guilty that I am mad at him.

Given we’ve been disagreeing for years, maybe I have to accept the situation, accept he will do very little, but I hate hearing about his expensive holidays / new large house etc.

People say acceptance brings peace. Can I love him anyway? Can i forgive it all? How?

This open post was written 2 months ago | V/U/S: 46, 4, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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linuxya 15 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months ago (12 minutes after post)

It is essential to understand how different people deal with stress: you deal with your anxiety over your mom by CARING. He deals with anxiety by RETREATING. This is a very typical male/female division in reaction to stress.

You have one responsibility: to make decisions that are right for you based on your principles. To judge others for not living the way you do only hurts you and him and everyone you complain to.

There is nothing to forgive.

He is living his own life. Do the same and celebrate your own choices instead of criticizing other people. Seek to understand why people do what they do instead of applying black and white judgmental thinking.

Treasure what he does contribute and I guarantee you he will contribute more.

Help me with: The problem with self serving advice

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months ago (14 minutes after post)

It is love and acceptance that allows forgiveness. Without love it is much more difficult. With jealousy… with judgment … with frustration and anger, forgiveness will be harder to obtain. Love will bring forgiveness.

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littlenick 152 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months ago (18 minutes after post)

Karma.

Help me with: How to Get a Job

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months ago (24 minutes after post)

linuxya wrote:
…
Treasure what he does contribute and I guarantee you he will contribute more.

Wow… so very well said!

Help me with: What does the Thanksgiving holiday mean to you?

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