friends help: I want a girlfriend, but I don’t even have any friends–what should I do?

adjlkdfsa

I want a girlfriend, but I don’t even have any friends–what should I do?

Hey guys, what do I do if I have social problems that extend beyond the inability to meet women? For one, I have no enduring friends, not one. I know a few guys that I see or speak to on the phone maybe a couple of times a year, but I feel like I’m never good enough (never interesting enough, etc.) to be one of their real “buddies” and so I shy away. They always leave me to hang out with their “real” friends and have fun with them, so I’m constantly insecure around them, thinking, why should I waste another minute of their time. I have huge social anxiety issues. I’m practically housebound and it’s affecting every aspect of my life.

I might be a little awkward, but I respect people, I even look them in the eye when I’m talking, and I’m a very clean person. I try not to be too much of a “nice guy” but I often can’t help it.

As a guy who can hardly maintain a real friendship with another human being, how will I ever get to the point where I can have a relationship with a girl?

This open post was written 1 month, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 346, 9, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post adjlkdfsa may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. adjlkdfsa is a verified member, has been around for 1 month, 3 weeks and has 2 posts and 5 replies to their name.

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sdjfa #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (18 minutes after post)

I wish I had a good answer to this, but I don’t.

The only advice I can think of is pretty vague: get involved in a club, become part of a church, join a martial arts class, start doing a great deal of volunteer work (I know there were times in my life when I was rather frustrated with my circumstances, and doing regular volunteer work at food pantries and such was very rewarding). This doesn’t solve your issue of not having a girlfriend by any means. I don’t know how to solve that. But maybe it will help you feel less frustrated.

You say you are practically housebound. Is this just because you don’t know a lot of people, so you don’t have a lot to do? Do you work from your house also?

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adjlkdfsa 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 53 minutes after post)

Thanks for your answer; I’m going to try to apply your advice.

I’m housebound because, not only don’t I have much to do, I have a physical illness (non-contagious) that leaves me feeling weak and tired all the time. I can’t really even see a doctor about it, much less attempt work or resume college right now, but usually when there’s enough motivation for me to get something done I can push past the physical discomfort temporarily.

Help me with: Is not having friends a barrier to a dating life?

ATearFromHeaven 11 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (3 hours, 4 minutes after post)

read this post

http://help.com/post/318238-i-have-th…

Help me with: love help needed.

noonelikesaknowitall 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (8 hours, 48 minutes after post)

Yep friends I find are much easier when there is a shared objective like church, going to see a football game or if you are feeling tired frequently from this illness maybe movie nights and make it fun with popcorn, fizzy drinks and chocolate. The bigger your social circle the greater chance you have of meeing a girl so bear that in mind when you are trying somthing new. Church is a great place to meet people who are at least working on themselves (at least they should be if they are doing it right!) and so therefore can be easier to have friendships with. They also do social events which will be terrifying at first I’m sure but will improve your confidence.
I have socializing issues and find it much easier to be in a situation where I am needed rather than wanted like making the tea and coffee or tidying the room after church. At least though it puts me in a place to meet people and hopefully one day I will be better at being wanted rather than needed. For the time being it is good enough.
Girls like confidence and humour (mostly) so all the work you do now building your confidence by trying new things (confidence comes from experience for me) will benifit you in the long term. You can be a nervous wreck, know nothing now but if you do give it a go then by the time you are ready a girl will notice you.
As you feel everyone seems to like each other more than they like you whatever you do it will be hard at first. Stick with it though especially if you like the people. Time brings people closer together as well.
I remember this girl I really fancied. I was talking to her and mid sentence she saw someone she fancied and turned away from me and started talking to this guy, completely ignoring me! She had known him for a while though and they were good friends as well as her fancying him. I stuck at the friendship though although we don’t hang around much anymore.
Risk with people. If someone asks you something mundane like hows your day been or what do you think of the weather lately that is them being vunerable and saying ‘HI I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU’ so get stuck in! If you don’t believe it is them being vunerable try going up to someone you don’t know at a social setting and saying ’so what do you think of the weather lately’ and see how vunerable you feel!
I identify with your struggle, it can seem hard work and pointless at times! and yet we are compelled to do it!!
Good luck man

Yep friends I find are much easier when there is a shared objective like church, going to see a football game or if you are feeling tired frequently from this illness maybe movie nights and make it fun with popcorn, fizzy drinks and chocolate. The bigger your social circle the greater chance you have of meeing a girl so bear that in mind when you are trying somthing new. Church is a great place to meet people who are at least working on themselves (at least they should be if they are doing it right!) and so therefore can be easier to have friendships with. They also do social events which will be terrifying at first I'm sure but will improve your confidence.
I have socializing issues and find it much easier to be in a situation where I am needed rather than wanted like making the tea and coffee or tidying the room after church. At least though it puts me in a place to meet people and hopefully one day I will be better at being wanted rather than needed. For the time being it is good enough.
Girls like confidence and humour (mostly) so all the work you do now building your confidence by trying new things (confidence comes from experience for me) will benifit you in the long term. You can be a nervous wreck, know nothing now but if you do give it a go then by the time you are ready a girl will notice you. 
As you feel everyone seems to like each other more than they like you whatever you do it will be hard at first. Stick with it though especially if you like the people. Time brings people closer together as well.
I remember this girl I really fancied. I was talking to her and mid sentence she saw someone she fancied and turned away from me and started talking to this guy, completely ignoring me! She had known him for a while though and they were good friends as well as her fancying him. I stuck at the friendship though although we don't hang around much anymore. 
Risk with people. If someone asks you something mundane like hows your day been or what do you think of the weather lately that is them being vunerable and saying 'HI I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU' so get stuck in! If you don't believe it is them being vunerable try going up to someone you don't know at a social setting and saying 'so what do you think of the weather lately' and see how vunerable you feel!
I identify with your struggle, it can seem hard work and pointless at times! and yet we are compelled to do it!!
Good luck man

jacob_blacks_wifey 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (2 days, 15 hours after post)

ok first try to talk more the guys you know
hang around do stuff
and if you see a nice girl for you
try to say “hi”
and try that almos everytime
you see her
also try to meet new people
to be friends with.

good luck!!

Help me with: should i go out with my ex again

adjlkdfsa 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (3 days after post)

Big thanks everyone who answered my question, I’ll be thinking hard about all these answers. Any specific hints and tips for just being an interesting person? I’m afraid that I don’t maintain friendships very well because I think I come across as boring when I talk. I’ve noticed people that don’t even have the most exciting, fun-filled stuff going on can at least joke around and be natural, having rapport with people. I want to get this handled too. Thanks : )

Help me with: Is not having friends a barrier to a dating life?

flabbie 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (5 days, 21 hours after post)

you are just like the good me…haha. anyway, try to have friends that have the same interest as you… then, you shouldnt have the problem of not knowing what to say or being boring… or you can start learning to be an interesting conversationer(does this word exist?)…watch movie or just see how people talk with one another…learn and practice…that works for me…sometimes…haha. anyway, good luck…

Help me with: sad…

atullove31 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (4 weeks after post)

hi.i would advise you to go out and involve yourself in community and social service, join a club of your interest, nurture a hobbby. These things will keep you occupied and also, help you in meeting new people. Try to make gradual improvement in yourself by learning new social skills and getting out of your comfort zone. Hope this helps.

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nice_9 #
An Unknown Location | 1 day, 9 hours ago (1 month, 2 weeks after post)

If there’s a girl/woman that really wants you, she would not care if you don’t have any friends. She would probably be there for you no matter what, but if she cares if you are alone then she is fake and drop her.

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