moving help: I’m leavin’ on a jet plane….or am i? - Help.com

I’m leavin’ on a jet plane…

.or am i?
I just don’t know what to do anymore, i need some advice. This is possibly the longest rant you’ve ever read, and definitely the longest rant i’ve ever written, but i have to ly it out on the table, i’m lost.
So i’ve lived in this town for my entire life. I was born only a few miles away from the house i’m sitting in right now. It’s not an incredibly small town, but i live in a neighborhood full of wonderful people. I have so many fantastic friends, some of whom i’ve known since before i could walk.

Sounds like the beginning to a sappy story. But things have gotten a little weird lately. I got transferred to s different middle school than the rest of my friends (except for one kid who i’ll mention later) because i got put in an accelerated program, meaning that we do work about two grade levels above what we would normally be doing. It’s always difficult, but in my first year it was fun and rewarding. I made it through that year happily, with a great bunch of new friends, and my old ones, when i had the time to see them. You know what they say, make new friends but keep the old, one is silver….
I’m now in my second year of the program, and the work is exponentially more difficult. I’m only is seventh grade, and i’m doing high school level work. I’ve given up my entire social life, i get to talk to my friends during lunch, once a day for thirty minutes, IF we’re not doing homework then.
And i’ve stopped getting good grades. My As fell to Cs, and my parents are not happy. I suppose i’m not either, but it feels like academics have stopped mattering to me. I don’t really care what letter or number appears on my midterm, which is extremely bizarre for me.
So both my parents and i considered dropping out of the program. But where does that put me? In the school that all of my old friends go to, as an outcast. I won’t drop out, because i don’t want to suffer the stares and whispers about ‘the girl who failed that program’ for the the rest of my middle school education.
So i told my mom what i was thinking, and she suggested that we move. I thought she was joking! But she said that my step dad (my parents have been divorced since i was in first grade) would jump at the chance to live closer to his two young daughters, and not have to drive so far to see them. He, of course, would never dream of asking my two younger siblings and i to move, but if we had another reason to…. My mom said that if i wasn’t happy here, it would just be one more reason to move, and we would go in a heartbeat.
Okay, so i’d get a chance to start over. Move away to a new town, a new school altogether, and new kids. Kids who won’t mock me forever. I want that more than anything in the world. To get out and see somewhere besides my little corner here in this town where i’ve lived my whole life. To start over.
But i don’t think i can, for several reasons.
First reason; my dad. To move, we would move far away from him. He didn’t fight for us when my parent’s got a divorce (something i will forever wonder about) so my parents have a pretty much joint custody, here meaning that we get to see him as much as we do my mom. But she has control over us. She can move us wherever she wants. She’s the more stable parents, anyway, so the court seems to favor her. But leaving, even if we still see him a lot, would break his heart. I can’t even begin to fathom his reaction. I don’t want to cause him pain just so i’ll be happy!
Second reason; my siblings. They’re ten and nine, and have so many wonderful friends. I don’t want to take that away from them, they’d hate me forever for making them go. Sure, they’d EVENTUALLY adjust, but i don’t want to take away the place they happily call home.
Third reason; the kid that came with me to the accelerated program. This one is by far my most stressful reason. The poor kid, he’s got a tough life. His parents seem to care about him, but his brother has ADHD, and they’re always yelling a fighting and arguing. During sixth grade he seemed to go a little crazy with the stress of his family fighting, along with the stress of the difficult school work. His grades dropped, his wardrobe became darker and darker until it was solid black, and his long, now no longer brushed or taken care of, hair fell perpetually in his face. I felt horrible for him, but everything indicated that it was just his way of rebelling, and that he was really okay, aside from being a little frustrated.
Then he began his obsession…with yours truly. I hate saying this because it makes me sound full of myself, but he really is obsessed. From what i can tell, this kid clung to anything that he knew, anything that hadn’t changed and gone crazy. So he clung to me, the only kid he knew at this huge new school. I had always liked him (as a friend), but things got a little weird…. He started following me and becoming…well, obsessed. I became his friend, his counselor (he constantly looked to me for advice and someone to talk to), and the object of what seemed like a crazed fixation.
He started writing poems that i got by accident (he didnt mean for me to see them, but other people found them and showed them to me) about how i was ‘the only light’ in his ‘dark world’ or ‘his angel’. It started to really creep me out.

Finally, one day, he told me that he had a plan to commit suicide. He said that he didn’t want to carry it out yet, but that he almost had. He also showed me cuts on his arms, and said that he had stopped cutting, but that if i turned against him or something, he would start cutting again or carry out his plan to commit suicide.
Anyway, done with that sidetracked tangent….
I can’t move, because as much as i want to run, screaming, from this kid, because i’m terrified that he’ll die or start cutting again. I’ve told my mom, and she seemed worried, but didn’t do anything.
I don’t know what to do! I can move, and make my step dad, step sisters, mom, and i happy, but my two siblings upset, break my dad’s heart, and possibly cause a suicide. Or i can stay, and keep this kid alive and happy (as much as being around him makes me scared), let my siblings keep their home and friends, keep my dad happy, and keep the rest of my family reasonably content. But i don’t know what i’m going to do if i’m stuck in this school much longer. I can’t take losing my life outside of school much longer, and being around this suicidal kid terrifies me.

So what if finally boils down to is; make myself happy or make everyone else happy?

This open post was written 1 month, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 65, 4, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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