Love help: It’s been three years. - Help.com

Hm.

So you have unresolved feelings for the first guy. This means you have not fully grieved your loss. Grief includes denial, anger, regrets and depression.

It seems you are still in the denial phase even after all this time. And yet you are in a new relationship.

You have to push yourself through the phases of grief. That is the only way to gain acceptance. For some reason you have denied it’s over all this time.

You know it’s not fair to your current boyfriend.

Why not spend the next year being single? Focus on getting through the grief. Journal your feelings. Write out all the warning signs you ignored, all the problems there were in your relationship.

You broke up because of a lack of compatibility. You must determine what that lack of compatibility was and work out a roadmap for your future based on it.

Well, not exactly.
I’m not in denial. BELIEVE me, I definately have accepted we are most definitely not together.
Acceptance doesn’t mean I don’t love him.
I adore my boyfriend.
It’s sort of like… Think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
for a few weeks I’ll be strong enough to turn a blind eye at the guy and concentrate on my relationship.
Then the guy and I will start joking around with me and then I give into the other half of me.
I’ve tried severing the relationship i have with my boyfriend because it would be better for him to have somebody who was certain of their feelings, but it didn’t work.
I’m ashamed to say that we didn’t last long without each other, because at that moment I was the half of myself who could turn a blind eye to the ex.

oh, and we broke up because we had been going out for seven months and we were both 13.
We thought we should have a break so we could go out with new people.
Well, more him.
He thought we shouldn’t be like this at the age of 13. He thought we were too young.
So basically, translated, he got bored.

Well, if you truly accepted he’s not for you then you wouldn’t be obsessing over him. Denial doesn’t mean you don’t intellectually understand something. It means you still feel like it’s not real.

Take my case. After my wife’s death, I still FELT like she would come home. I KNEW she was dead. But I felt she would return. I would dream that she was ok and it was all a mistake. I was in denial. I had to process the loss until I finally felt it was over and I no longer had any desire for her to return.

Dude, little uncalled for, what’s she do to you? You have issues.