Ok so I am 17, my birthday is december 6 so in 2 months i’ll be 18. - Help.com

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Does the full scholarship include room and board? Because if so, you can dorm at school and have your freedom for most of the year. You don’t need a car if you are staying at school, there are usually trains and buses that you can use to get around… and if you need to find a new job, you could apply for a job on campus, like as a lab assistant or if your college has a daycare center, you could always apply there. Have you tried talking to your mom about how you feel? I used to have the same problem with my parents, and occasionally I run into roadblocks with them, but not as often. I am 21… as soon as I turned 18, I stopped following their rules. I still lived under their roof, and I love them and respect them, don’t get me wrong, but I refused to be treated like anything less than the legal adult that I was. Sometimes if your freedom is that important to you, you need to start taking a stand… Stand up for yourself, stand your ground, show her who is in control of your life, and that is you, not her.

When I turned 18, I stopped asking my parents for permission for things. I would always let them know if I was going out and where I was going merely out of respect, I don’t want them worrying about me or anything, but I made it pretty clear that they had no say in when or where I was going out. Explain to your Mom how you feel… and try not to be too defensive/confrontational about it as much as you can avoid it. Because otherwise she will just want to be confrontational back, and that is not going to accomplish anything, at least not in your favor. Sit down with her, seriously tell her that you need to talk and its important that she hear you out. Use ‘I’ statements, not ‘you’/accusatory remarks. Give her reasons why she should trust you more and give you more freedom. Assure her that you would never abuse it like other kids your age might. That you are grateful for her being overprotective and actually caring enough to give you these rules and boundaries. Let her know that you appreciate her, and make sure she feels that what you are asking for is reasonable.

Try not to push it though, so start out small. Start out by asking her for one thing you would like more freedom with, and see where it goes from there. But explain to her that when you turn 18, you are going to start taking some more control of your life and that you hope you can do that with her love and support…. because no matter what, you’ll always need your Mom. Trust me, I used to fight with my mom all the time, but there comes a time when you realize nobody loves you as much as your mother does, and that’s when you start to appreciate her more. I seriously recommend talking to her. YOu might be surprised. She may actually be understanding. :)

Yes those are definitley things you can work through. I know this is not an easy thing to hear, but since you will be graduating High School soon, I think I would be doing you a disservice by not giving you a fair warning. Your current social life will probably be a whole lot different when you get to college. You will probably keep in touch with your old friends at first, but it won’t be long and you will eventually start losing contact. It happened to me unfortunately. :’( But trust me, you will make NEW friends and have a new social life that takes place at college and everyone you need will be right there on campus with you. So, try not to let the social life issue hinder you too much in making your decision. It sounds to me like some time away from home will be very beneficial to you. You need the experience. Unfortunately, I never got to dorm at school because I couldn’t afford it and my parents wouldn’t help me pay for it. And to this day, a senior in college, I regret not ever gaining the experience. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Having roommates may be a pain at first, but you will quickly become used to it. And you never know, one of your roommates may because your new best friend, and a lifelong friend at that. Give it some thought. :) I really hope it all works out for you. Keep us posted!

sorry but shes not treating you unfairly. she keeps you, is your mother, and while you live under her roof, you abide by her rules-which are absolutely not unreasonable in the slightest.
you have the answer right there in front of you-if the scholarship PAYS for a dorm, then you would be somewhat of a complete idiot to pay rent somewhere else just to be closer to a social life.

courtybubble, I completely disagree. She is so treating him unfairly. She may not realize it, but she is being far from reasonable. At 17 years old, less than two months away from being considered a legal adult in America, you are entitled to a certain amount of respect and freedom and his mom clearly isn’t understanding that. Nico is perfectly reasonable in wanting to be treated his/her age.

when Nico pays for their own food, rent, power, water, and clothes, Nico can whatever Nico wants.
its not like hes being held prisoner is it.

Actually, that is exactly what its like. I guess you would have to be 18, living in your overbearing parents’ home in order to be able to understand. Seeing as I’ve both been there, done that, I completely understand where he is coming from.

nope.
if youre paying all that, then you could afford to move out and live with a flatmate.
youre going to be a legal adult in 2 months time, then you can do what you want.
i really dont see what the problem is if its that close.

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, that is exactly what its like. I guess you would have to be 18, living in your overbearing parents’ home in order to be able to understand. Seeing as I’ve both been there, done that, I completely understand where he is coming from.

then youre projecting immensely, because what Nico has described is most certainly not being held prisoner in any way, shape, or form.

you wouldnt be paying both insurances if you moved out, you wouldnt have to have internet or phone, and with one other person in the house only, you could cut the electric bill down a lot.
maybe its just the fact im an adult, but hey i think youre whining like a little child right now.

courtybubble… You amaze me. How old are you?

Wouldn’t HAVE to have internet or phone? Well, no need in answering my last question… It suddenly makes sense. You’re still living in the dark ages. This is the 21st century. I suggest you get with the program.

why thank you. ive just turned 25.

plenty of people survive without internet or phone, and have done so for thousands of years going to school dear.
why dont you just move to your PAID FOR college accommodation then, if its so terrible at home? all of that money you save will more than pay for the petrol to drive to see your friends.

You’re not that much older than I am. So the ‘I’m an adult’ line doesn’t work on me. Technically, Nico will be too, in two months. And it still makes sense, as you ARE living in the dark ages. Doesn’t matter how old you are. The fact is Nico and I are both living in 21st century America, and the law gives us certain rights at our age. Parents or not, they need to respect those rights. The way I see it, his mom has a lot more to lose in this situation than he does, as she is practically mooching off of him from what he’s described to us.

how am i living in the dark ages O_o
I live in fairly modern times actually, where internet is freely available at any decent university or college for students to use as they wish.
the law tells you your mum cant give you a curfew does it?

so what, youre only allowed at college for the exact times of your classes, then get kicked off the property? stay later and do your homework, quizzes and tests there.
whats so hard about that.
still all im hearing is a whining child with some pretty lame excuses.

Nope, the law just tell you that your mom can’t really do too much about it if you don’t follow it. :)

Your not obligated to answer to anyone but yourself at 18 years old and older. That is my philosophy. That is what i live by. My parents don’t always like it, but they get that they don’t have a choice in the matter anymore. I’ve stopped letting them boss me around, and believe it or not it has earned me their respect, rather than lost me any. They finally see that I am taking control of my life and instead of trying to keep me from doing so, they offer their help when they can. I think Nico should stand his ground once he can legally do so. His mom will have no choice but to deal with it. And Nico, I don’t know what you are afraid of and why you feel the need to listen to her.. but regardless, you know that if she physically hurts you in any way, you are in no way obligated to put up with it. There are laws built to protect you from that sort of thing.

O_o thats exactly what i said.

i know exactly how it is lmao.
Im a veterinary student, im at university on average of 60 hours a week working my hiney off.
I doubt your library closes at 4, you probably just need ID or something after that. Ive visited a crap ton of universities and colleges, and they are usually open till at least 8pm.
If you move onto campus, your classes arent going to change, so how will you do your work then anyways

nico164 wrote:
right now im just afraid that she can take my car since is on her name. without a car, no school no work nothing…thats the only thing she really holds against me. I drive my car everyday to go to school, a 45 min drive. and work is 20 mins away. and the bus service here in kenner, LA. sucks. I would have to walk half way to get it :S

Is she really that harsh? You should confront her first, than try to look for a better job, there are some really good openings believe it or not.

nico164 wrote:
yes she is, when I was in vacation in colombia (my home country) she almost left me there (meaning not signing the permision papers for me to leave the country) because I was going to get back with my ex, which she highly dislikes. mmm when you are 17 here its difficult, i’ve tried, and the only thing that looks promessing is to wait to be 18 cuz thats the age people are hiring over here.

well i hope that you can sort this all out.

courtybubble wrote:
O_o thats exactly what i said.

You really think so? Perhaps you misunderstood me. Thus far, all I’ve managed to gather from your posts is that you are entirely on his mother’s side here. I believe your exact words were, there is nothing unreasonable about her behavior in the slightest. I am saying the exact opposite here. I believe that Nico is the one in the right here. I don’t feel that he is whining at all. I feel that he has a very logical case here and he came to us asking for our help…. all you have been doing is condescending him, making him out to be a ‘whiny child’ when really he is a soon-to-be adult looking to be treated like one. You’re no better than his mother. This is why I avoid coming here for help more often than not, because of people like you who think they are above helping others and are only here to put people down and their requests for help. If he was looking for a lecture, I’m sure Nico would have just gone straight to he very person he is asking us for advice on how to deal with.

courtybubble wrote:
youre going to be a legal adult in 2 months time, then you can do what you want.
i really dont see what the problem is if its that close.

sorry what was that?
youre really being very childish yourself right now, having a foot stamping tanty because of a difference of opinion.

It is not a difference of opinion though. It is not like you like vanilla ice cream and I like chocolate. This is more serious than that. Someone came here asking for help, and you have been putting him down since your first post. I do have a problem with that, because I have been in his shoes and I feel that you are being extremely insensitive to his situation. The one being childish here is you.

Anyway, I am going to bed. But Nico… my last bit of advice to you… You’re growing up. You understand that, I understand that, the problem is that your mother refuses to and she is very wrong about that. From what you’ve shared with us, I can see you are a very mature and hard working individual. You know what you want in life, you just need to have less fear in taking the risks necessary to get it. When you are able to apply for room and board finally, stop paying the bills for your house, Nico. And if your mom takes your car, the money that you will be saving by not paying the house bills, when saved up, will definitley be enough to replace it. Everything is within your reach, and if you want it enough, you can get it. Please don’t let anyone bring you down. And please keep us posted. I hope everything works out for you. Goodnight and good luck!

Anonymous wrote:
It is quite an entertaining little argument on there between me and courty. Feel free to pass on when you catch them giving people trouble for QUALITY advice!

lmao, all youve done is probably get yourself a ban, you idiot.

Anonymous wrote:
It is not a difference of opinion though. It is not like you like vanilla ice cream and I like chocolate. This is more serious than that. Someone came here asking for help, and you have been putting him down since your first post. I do have a problem with that, because I have been in his shoes and I feel that you are being extremely insensitive to his situation. The one being childish here is you.

lmao. love it. good one kiddo :D

courtybubble wrote:
lmao, all youve done is probably get yourself a ban, you idiot.

Judging by some of the posts in your shout box, you’re the one whose made a habit out of getting herself banned, from the looks of it. If I didn’t know any better, you were doing it on purpose. If you want your account deleted, why don’t you just kindly ask one of the mods to do it? I doubt they would refuse you your request.

Anonymous wrote:

courtybubble wrote:
lmao, all youve done is probably get yourself a ban, you idiot.

Judging by some of the posts in your shout box, you’re the one whose made a habit out of getting herself banned, from the looks of it. If I didn’t know any better, you were doing it on purpose. If you want your account deleted, why don’t you just kindly ask one of the mods to do it? I doubt they would refuse you your request.

well that is indeed what that ban was actually lol. took a break from the site, now im back.
keep it on topic, yes? surely thats something you could have shouted to me yourself, why make this about you? its not your post.

You’re right its not. Its Niko’s. Call me old-fashioned, but I just think that help should always be given to those who ask for it. And if you’re trying to get banned on purpose, you shouldn’t be doing it at their expense. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help sometimes. I just think you owe Niko an apology for your lack of sensitivity. Think about that.

Goodnight, for reals this time.

Anonymous wrote:
You’re right its not. Its Niko’s. Call me old-fashioned, but I just think that help should always be given to those who ask for it. And if you’re trying to get banned on purpose, you shouldn’t be doing it at their expense. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help sometimes. I just think you owe Niko an apology for your lack of sensitivity. Think about that.

Goodnight, for reals this time.

i think you owe Nico an apology for hijacking his post.
but then, thats my opinion.
which is what this is. a forum to give opinions.
you gave yours, i gave mine. if you canot accept that people in life have different opinions, then youre going to continually find yourself in this situation. in summary: get over it.
youve also obviously not read my reply, as i no where said i was trying to get myself banned.

Anonymous wrote:
Wow. That was ridiculous in my opinion. Getting people banned seems a little far.

they got themselves banned. epic breach of TOU tends to do that.

terms of use. I.E. the rules that you agreed to abide by when you signed up

If your going to be 18 you dont have to ask permision..its freedom 18….
an happy birthday..

I think it was SOMEWHERE up there ^ but I’ll say it again anyway - start small with taking control of your life. When you want to confront her about something, do it clearly, reasonably and stick to getting that one thing (for example, how long you can be on the laptop for.) Talk to her like an adult since that’s the way you want the conversation to go.

Good luck with it and happy early birthday :D

Basically it’s your mom’s house and she can set whatever rules out she wants and by paying to stay there you are agreeing to those rules. If you’re not happy to be there then either work with her to change some things or move out or accept that you will have to put up with it.

Stop acting like a whining little brat (no offense). You’ll find real life so much harder when you’ve left home; working to pay bills and rent. She is well within her rights to tell you what to do when you are in her home no matter how old you are and to be frank you’re showing her very little respect if you ignore her and choose to do as you wish.

I have to agree with the “Her house, her rules” argument. At the end of the day you are still dependant on her, regardless of your age. As long as you remain dependant on her then you will need to abide by her rules. You might disagree with them, but that doesn’t really matter to be honest.

If you live in her house you live by her rulse; its just as true if your 10 or 65.

Hehh.
I’m..well in the same situation.
A tad bit more mehh.
My curfew’s at 7 because after the sunsets every possible drunk/rapist will fling himself on me.
I don’t own a phone or any electronics whatsoever.
I have this 5 year old laptop though, that’s good.
I’m 17 and in uni my mother refuses to let go of me.
If and when I turn 18 and decide to leave ,rest assured I’ll be disowned.
Then I’ll be left in a fun bundle of trouble and fees.
I have a well alright it’s not really well paying but I do have a job that’s a good thing.
I’m really tired and a bit down most of the time.
She’s insanely temperamental.
I do work hard whether it’s at school or housework.
But the fact remains is that most of the time I end up looking at what my friends have and I know I shouldn’t and I feel a little bit …I dunno.
No phone means I have no way to stay in touch with people.
Kills of social life actually.
I ..sometimes I can’t help but be a whiny brat.
But yeah.

You are lucky that you have a caring mom who cares & worries about you. Think about those who had lost their mother. Hug her, talk to her peacefully/respectfully about your concern and she may compromise.