writing help: Dark

ZeroSum

Dark

One more night where the dark takes me away
One more hour and I’ll see it fade to day
But even with the light my heart aches in shades of grey
Victim to the birdsong, feeling helpless and betrayed

My face cracks a smile; it’s for you my friend
Falling apart, for this may be the end
Hollow is this structure - I can no longer pretend
These breaking branches are getting harder to defend

The sky here is rotting and the water is dead
The air is suffocating with words left unsaid
Goodbye and goodluck and move on and forget
Leave me with my solitude, my fear and regret.

This open post was written 1 month, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 92, 7, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Reciprocity (0)

Since writing this post ZeroSum may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. ZeroSum is a verified member, has been around for 2 months, 2 weeks and has 7 posts and 327 replies to their name.

Post Tags (3)

writing, poem, depressing (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (7)

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jasmit #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (55 minutes after post)

seriously…go volunteer at a homeless shelter. Your dark aint that dark. You’re just morose and that comes with age. Dark is worse. I bet you can find others worse off than yyou…you want happiness? Help them. You may find meaning.

This account has been deactivated.

ZeroSum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (10 hours, 1 minute after post)

*scratches head* yeah lol, this was written on one of those nights ya know?
I get all the bad feelings out on paper.

Help me with: I don’t have many friends.

classicrock1818 3 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (1 day, 16 hours after post)

i thinks its really good, the images are really strong, but the only thing is technically that the last stanza doesnt follow the same rhyming pattern as the first two. unless you intentionally did that or can think of a reason for it, i would look at that. but its still really good :)

Help me with: ive got some more lyrics, these arent as good, so i really need your help this time

ZeroSum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (1 day, 20 hours after post)

Yeah, I did that on purpose to give the last stanze more “bite” *cough*was too lazy to rhyme four words*cough* Haha seriously, it was purposefully done. Thanks for the comment :)

Help me with: I don’t have many friends.