DjinnGi edited this post 1 month, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
What can I say that i already said? I’m distraught cz i lost my boyfriend. Whenever i’m alone i find myself breaking down unexpectedly. I cant sleep. I wake up around 4am every day thinking of him, missing him, needing him. Everything i read, look at, talk about automatically associates itself with him. Two weeks ago i had to finally ditch him bcz the way he was pushing me away, yet stringing me along was tormenting me so badly. Two days afterwards i felt so awful i got admitted to hospital bcz i felt suicidal and unsafe being left to my own devices. The hospital gave me 3 days worth of sleeping pills + promises of contacting my gp and getting some cbt - im still chasing them up after being told they’d ring me last week. Idk what to do. This horrible mood is affecting everything i try to do. He’s constantly on my mind - even if i manage not to think of him for hours, i still burst into tears the minute im on my own, he still inhabits my dreams and i still get woken up with thoughts of him. Last night i tried setting my alarm for even earlier than i usually wake up as i was told that i’d be so tired i’s be able to go back to sleep again. I dont know if you have to do this over the course of a few days, so ill keep trying with it, but i couldnt get back to sleep after th early alarm woke me.
Well..what cn I say that you haven’t probably already heard?
He is a shethead.
Stringing you along and toying with your feelings?
You don’t deserve some worthless pathetic kid like that.
Don’t dwell on past lies and memories.
He right now should be a complete nothing to you.
You mustn’t let him have this much control over you , he isnt worth it.
You’ll eventually have to heal and get out of this.
Seek comfort from friends.
a few things that might help you out of it:
1st - find something that occupies your mind too much. like a book, movies, or computer games, something that prevents you from thinking of anything at all.
pills, if you must.
use this as something to keep you alive and careless until things mend up.
2nd - and i know it sounds strange - talk to the boy.
why? - as to not leave any loose ends, not to leave any unknowns and “what-if”s.
these are number one mind troublers.
and for another reason - do a casual conversation with no harm feelings too
these improve the mood instantly, until the next unknown.
(this doesn’t mean you need to get together again)
3rd - clean your room.
clean environment = clear thoughts.
I must say I’m proud of you for finishing things with this lad, I was strung along by the same boy twice and ended up on anti-depressants and I know how you feel. Crying and brooding and feeling helpless.
Rest assured this will pass and you’ll feel better with time and rest.
Get your friends together and go out somewhere, go out on the town, the cinema, the beach something fun, just you and your friends and don’t think about him.
Do try and talk to him but not for a long long while because it will only upset you more contacting him right now.
Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t? Go do that? Go swimming or exercise, it raises endorphins and boosts your mood (plus there’s always loads of fit guys in the pool) :D
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grbghp wrote:
2nd - and i know it sounds strange - talk to the boy.
why? - as to not leave any loose ends, not to leave any unknowns and “what-if”s.
these are number one mind troublers.
and for another reason - do a casual conversation with no harm feelings too
these improve the mood instantly, until the next unknown.
(this doesn’t mean you need to get together again)
Yh this is what i tried to do before we broke up, but he’d just never stay on the phone longer than 2 minutes (since uni broke up 4 summer, we’re living in different towns)- the doctor even suggested mediation, but i really dont think he’d be interested, i seem to mean so little to him since we went on the ‘break’. I desperately wanted him to know that this was/is making me ill, but he just wont listen………..?
pi wrote:
Do try and talk to him but not for a long long while because it will only upset you more contacting him right now.
Yh this is what i tried to do before we broke up, but he’d just never stay on the phone longer than 2 minutes (since uni broke up 4 summer, we’re living in different towns)- the doctor even suggested mediation, but i really dont think he’d be interested, i seem to mean so little to him since we went on the ‘break’. I desperately wanted him to know that this was/is making me ill, but he just wont listen………?
…..i mean, what are your thoughts when you say contact him after a long while? wouldnt he be even less receptive after having had more time to forget about me?
DjinnGi wrote:
…..i mean, what are your thoughts when you say contact him after a long while? wouldnt he be even less receptive after having had more time to forget about me?
the point in calling him at all is to take loads off you
if you have things you keep thinking of telling him and never did - its a load
if you have things that you don’t understand about his actions or thoughts - its a load
if you have things you believe you don’t know the truth about - its a load
and they will keep being there till you get rid of them
and since no one else has the answers but him, you’ll have to talk to him
even if it would turn out to be a one sided conversation.
even if the truth about things is unpleasant, you will find it much more acceptable than assumptions.
i agree, but ppl keep saying dont contact him. i wrote him a letter 2 weeks ago which is still unsent and alot of ppl are saying ill regret it if i send it, but i feel i absolutely have to say the things he wouldnt listen to, once and for all, before we completely go our separate ways.
DjinnGi wrote:
i agree, but ppl keep saying dont contact him. i wrote him a letter 2 weeks ago which is still unsent and alot of ppl are saying ill regret it if i send it, but i feel i absolutely have to say the things he wouldnt listen to, once and for all, before we completely go our separate ways.
don’t sent it by letters!
it will be worthless if you can’t see his reaction and know for sure he got the message and hear what he has to say about this.
you will just drive yourself crazy in expectation for a response that wouldn’t come.
don’t tell it on the phone if he tends to end the calls after 2 minuets, for the same reasons.
the best way is to meet up, just to “not leave any loose ends”
end it up as friends, whatever you wanna call it.
meet somewhere quiet where you can talk privately and none of you can run away in the middle.
put all the cards on the table… end it properly.
i tried getting him to meet me too–i wasted £30 on train tickets which i couldnt use bcz he went and made other plans. I knew how important it was to talk properly, but he just kept weaseling out of it. The last letter is the only means i really have left surely? (+ i know he’d only han up if i phoned him)
well, not wanting to talk about something can indicate what goes threw his mind.
so, no answer is sometimes as good as an answer.
let it go, move on, and someday in the far future you can close a circle when you both are not involved anymore and it would be just for the closer.
don’t send letters, it’s pointless and reckless.
ask yourself what it is exactly you want to achieve by these,
because when a person wants to speak his mind it is mostly to change something at the listener.
if you expect nothing to change and want nothing of him in the future then there is no point in saying these things you wanna say. it would change nothing.
it would only be a cause for regret later.
and would keep you even more wandering…
did he get them? did he read them? did he toss them away? did he… did he…
no end to this…
what i want from sending him the letter is to finally get to speak as i was never able to do in the relationship. Part or the reason why he wont talk/listen to me is because he wasnt used to having to do so, as i let him walk all over me when we were together, then when i couldnt take it anymore and tried to stand up to him, he didnt like it. I just wanna get through to him. I want him to understand how strongly this has affected me. What i want to acheive is to stop these thoughts clanging around in my head, put then down on paper + send them to the person that they’re intended for. I dont expect a response, but i’ve had this letter ready for 2 weeks now. The reason i didnt send it 2 weeks ago is because writing it upset me so much, that later that day i felt strongly suicidal, didnt feel able to control what i might do + so took myself to hospital wanting them to section me so i couldnt do any harm to myself. It felt like i was having a breakdown. Since then, the letter has been hanging in the air + ive been vacilating about whether i should send it. I will send it because its not fair that he should take me for everything, then push me to the periphery. Its not right that he should put me through this torment where i didnt even know if i still had a relationship, while he pretty much has a great time ladding it up. Ive done everything i could do to try and sort out our problems, to keep up communication, to meet and talk properly + he’s just thrown it all back in my face. Im full to bursting with all the things that i havent been able to say to him + i believe that if i dont get it out then its only gonna make me more ill–and its gonna be difficult enough fighting the illness im alrady suffering from, the illness that he’s added to, if its still hanging over my head to send it to him. I feel like i cant really say goodbye until i send it.
i understand,
that if you want to get through to him, you want something of him.
but, you don’t need anything from him.
so you should address the letters to whom they are really intended. to yourself.
you shouldn’t even care if he cares or not.
the hell with him
what you really need in order to take this load off,
is to open up to a friend, tell the whole story, your feelings, your thoughts
every time you share your troubles with someone, it halves the burden.
then if you will feel comfortable about it, you can talk about it more openly with more people. and again it will halve the burden until it would be just a story to tell.
Ive been doing that, but it doesnt really reduce the pain. I still wake up in tears every single day, I still dream about him. And I dont want people to think that Ill keep going on and on about the same thing if they talk to me, or they’ll start avoiding me.
DjinnGi wrote:
Ive been doing that, but it doesnt really reduce the pain. I still wake up in tears every single day, I still dream about him. And I dont want people to think that Ill keep going on and on about the same thing if they talk to me, or they’ll start avoiding me.
right.
so why are you waking up in tears? what goes threw your mind?
through my mind….hmmm….it’s more instinctinve really, like an automated reaction- but what goes through my mind is that I’ve failed to keep a relationship together, that things didn’t have to end up like this if we hadn’t been separated, if he’d talked to me instead of keeping me at a distance as some kinda ‘casual girl’. I relied on him for affection + now he’s gone I have no-one to cuddle me anymore. + I’m really anxious about going into college + finding that all his old friends hate me - I don’t think know we’ve broken up as i havnt told them + our ‘BF/GF thing’ as he put it, doesnt seem important enough for him to mention.
I’m stuck in this lousy sleep pattern and with him pressing on my mind 24/7 I physically/mentally/emotionally dont have the strength to fight off thoughts of him. But mostly its the fact that I still love him + he doesnt love me - thats such a sad thing to me whether its a relationship breaking down or some little dog whose owner decides they dont want it anymore. I dreamed about him again last night - dreamed that we had to work together. Even if he turned up with his arms outstretched, it wouldnt be healthy to try again with him as he’s not a stable enough person to go out with, but i cant help the way i feel about him, i cant help missing him.
Hey I don’t know if this’ll make you feel any better but I’ve been lurking on this post and whenever I want to type a reply back I circle frantically around my room sit down type a really long blabber, backspace it all because it’s rubbish and mope abit because I feel so useless.
So right I’m just going to type whatever’s actually in my head.
If I was next to you I’d hug you,okay?.
Even though this post wouldn’t make much of a difference.
DjinnGi wrote:
through my mind….hmmm….it’s more instinctinve really, like an automated reaction- but what goes through my mind is that I’ve failed to keep a relationship together, that things didn’t have to end up like this if we hadn’t been separated, if he’d talked to me instead of keeping me at a distance as some kinda ‘casual girl’. I relied on him for affection + now he’s gone I have no-one to cuddle me anymore. + I’m really anxious about going into college + finding that all his old friends hate me - I don’t think know we’ve broken up as i havnt told them + our ‘BF/GF thing’ as he put it, doesnt seem important enough for him to mention.
and what can you learn from the experience, so the next relationship will be better?
what would you do differently in the first place if you would face the same situation again with someone else in the future, in order to prevent it from going bad?
that doing too much to gain approval has grave consequences later down th line + not be a doormat from the very start.
Keckers
grbghp
pi