Ive wasted my time :( - Help.com

What the hell is wrong with you? Lose that leech and move on or you will be like me years later with nothing! Do it now, and don’t look back

i agree, even if you leave it’s too late BUT..it’s a start. i’m kind of wondering what you mean when you say ‘partner’. as in you got married or are just living w/ him? in my opinion i think even couples should divide the rent/etc like roomates until marriage maybe, ’cause it saves a lot of drama. anyway, i also find it unfair that you’re paying for everything automatically; why doesn’t he have any that responsibility? and how long have you been with him?

Sounds to me,you’ve got it together on the finances,BUT,you lack,or he lacks on
the PRIORITIES !!!

Nobody is worth giving your dreams up for, nobody!

guster…
lol, i knew that would be the response, and i think im definitely getting to the end of the line with him
even so, the way i see it is once im out of here, ive still wasted my time and cant really plan that future now
I never meant to give up my dreams, i believed he had the same ideals, its not until he manipulated me and ive realized its now too late

and anon
I say partner because we’re not married, weve been together for 8 yrs, living together and ‘engaged’ for 7 yrs but no move toward getting married, I dont like to call him my fiance because the first response to introducing my ‘fiance’ to anyone is ‘whens the date?’ its pretty embarrassing we kept setting a date and no move was made towards it, I opened a savings account but every week id deposit only to pull it out to make up for his expenditures so calling him my partner means I dont have to deal with the embarrassment that hes not making an honest woman of me
everything came out of my pay because it was easier that way, I had the steady garanteed income so nothing would be missed, his casual work though means he could get a huge pay one week and nothing the next
it was set up this way with the ‘agreement’ that since everything would be taken care of to ensure stability from my end, his end would be the main source of savings, but he needed the new tv cause the old one had a greenish tinge to it when watching a dvd, and then we could ‘afford’ a huge lcdtv and then he wanted a motor bike as a second vehicle cause the rego would be cheaper, but he only used it for road trips so my complaints that i was still having to take him to work everymorning and being scolded if i was late when he called me to pick him up were heard - when his mate was selling the unroadworthy 4×4 that ‘only’ needed $2000 to fix and another $800 to register
I complained a few years back, I asked when are we going to plan for a future, to get married for a start, he said e wanted to be ’set up’ first, u know, materially, we already had everything we needed to be quite comfortable, it just wasnt suited to his king lifestyle
then when i complained again over a year ago i told him he had 12 months to marry me or im out, thats when he invested in the 4×4 shortly after and now he tells me he hasnt married me in this time because he wanted to make sure I wasnt going to cheat on him like his ex did!
well, times well and truly up for him to prove he isnt building a future with me but i look around and realize its too late for me to make that future

What is wrong with you?? I would have left him sooner. You are wasting your time. I cant help you, only you can help yourself by leaving him.

Sabrina1537 wrote:
What is wrong with you?? I would have left him sooner. You are wasting your time. I cant help you, only you can help yourself by leaving him.

yah what she said.
couldn’t say it better myself :P

leave
him

~CharloTTe
peace and good luck
D: | :D (turn ya frown upside downn)

that kind’a sucks, not that he’s taking advantage of you for one, but that you’re letting him. like you said, it’s a waste of time so i’m wondering what you’re going to do about it. i would kick him out on his a**. he’s had more than enough time to get himself straight, and seriously, 8 years without a steady income?!? come on! most ppl have some idea of how much they’ll be bringing in each month by that time. anyway, he’ll always have excuses for getting whatever it is he wants to get, so you should have(and do, more than valid ones) to kick him out.

You must remember that you have also learned some very good lessons and now know what you need in a partner and what you don’t need in a partner. So, let’s not say it was all wasted, you have learned from this, and hopefully, now you can move on and have what you want. You are still quite young and can accomplish anything you set your mind to, but, you have to let go. It is not working.He is using you. He is not as mature as you are, and will never be. It is hard, but best for both of you. You are enabling him and he will never grow up if you continue to enable. Let him go,and have your life. You have earned it. There is someone else out there for you that has the same goals. Just wait and see. You don’t have to have a partner to have what you want, anyway. Go for it. Don’t settle. Just do it. Love will eventually come.

im getting ready to let go, it will only be a very short process, thats why im looking outside the box and why ive come to this realization that I dont have the time or resources now to complete the average ideal of owning a home :(
Im not really phased about finding another ‘love’ at this point it really wouldnt worry me if i spent the rest of my life “alone”
its the lack of achievement over my prime years and wondering how on earth i can make it happen for me, even after being alone

you shouldn’t worry about love; it will come to you when it comes to you. about owning a home…the simple fact that you have a steady job means you can get a loan etc. cause the economy, they’ve added a lot of pros to first time buyers and made up new programs fyi. might have to save up a little, but you shouldn’t give up on the idea. as for your lack of acheivements, mourn as much as you have to but at the end there’s nothing you can do about wasted time, so accept it and focus on not wasting anymore.

Baby! Your prime years have not arrived! You are in for the ride of a lifetime! So, sit back and enjoy! Life has just begun! Don’t you just love it?

why on earth have you just let him take advantage of you like this for goodness sakes?
sorry, but you really dont have anyone to blame but yourself here, youve LET him do this.

thanx for the support guys
Ive been thinking about my situation a lot and the fact is, Ive been basing my future outcome on my current frame of mind, instead of basing it on what would change if this situation changed
I’m a very headstrong person who can normally achieve just about anything I desire, I havnt been able to achieve financial security though because I had a partner who does not have the same intentions as me. I actually set up a plan over a year ago that would see us buying a house by now, it was a 30 years plan that could succeed in retirement within 20 yrs and looking at a complete passive income with no worries in 30 years, the problem was that while my ‘partner’ went around and detailed our plan to all his friends he never actually implemented his side of it an we just stayed where we were to begin with, him buying lush products and me still thinking of every cent spent, what really depressed me is seeing that at least 2 of the people he detailed our plans to got stars in their eyes and actually carried out the plan ‘I’ had developed, he seems to be very good at helping others get their lives on track :(
So, I sat and thought about my life if things changed and I did it on my own, when I wrote this post I was thinking of myself alone but also in the same financial position, realizing I cant build my plan, or even just a house on it alone but…
If I’m alone I know I wont stay in the same position, I’m the sort of person who is continually expanding, I kept seeing myself in the same job with the same income but I know if I’m alone I have all the time in the world to expand upon that and double my income with a better paid career, I’m a succeeder and when I dont have to rely on another party’s interests I can go where ever I want
Thanx heaps for talking to me, I really needed an outlet and to gain a different perspective
I havnt wasted my time, Ive learned a great deal from it :)

Sue the arsehole if possible.
It’s not too late to restart, as you’ve said.
If you don’t want to find another love, that’s also okay.

no, theres no need to sue him, anyway what would I sue him for, the multitude of money he doesnt have because he will never learn to save a cent
I am very upset with him, but I dont think he has deliberately sabotaged me, its not like he promised to build a financially secure future with me when we started dating
I assumed we would grow and mature together but he seems stuck in the childish minset that one day it will all just happen without the effort, but I’m well beyond that way of thinking

Property. So you don’t have to start from scratch.

what property???
the whole issue is that we have no property!
and household goods, while they may have been worth a pretty penny to buy new are virtually worthless to sell off, besides I’ll already be claiming most of it so I wont be starting from scratch as such, the only thing I’ll be starting from scratch with is trying to invest in a home
the only real investments he was willing to make was the 4×4, and its not worth suing for, he can have it , I’ll get most goods and the van
most money made in our years together has been simply…wasted on comforts, I cant sue for the expensive food he ate, the alcohol he drank, the fuel he wasted driving all the time
I’m not about to get myself caught up in litigation where our assests probably amount to a mere $20000 , lawyers will get most of it then

I see… Where will you live?

i still can’t get over this…i know you already figured out things but personally i would never be with someone(let alone live with someone!) who wouldn’t agree to pay for things equally at the least(if not more. goldigger? maybe)!!

yea…i really dont get that either eh. youve kinda let yourself be taken advantage of here.

courtybubble wrote:
yea…i really dont get that either eh. youve kinda let yourself be taken advantage of here.

i know right? and he HAD A JOB!! if they were long time bf/gf and he got laid off or something i could understand, but come on! even then he’d have to be actively looking/trying to come up w/ his share.

Why are you guys burrowing into the past? There’s nothing that can be done about it now.

lol. im not trying to be rude but i honestly dont get why it took her 8 years of paying for everything to figure out that he was screwing her over O_o

i know, sry…it’s just amazing to me…i guess ’cause i don’t think like that. anyway, i’ll let it be. i’m glad you’re moving on.

Anonymous wrote:
Why are you guys burrowing into the past? There’s nothing that can be done about it now.

yes there is. you can learn from it.

courtybubble wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why are you guys burrowing into the past? There’s nothing that can be done about it now.

yes there is. you can learn from it.

You speak as if it’s going to happen again.

if you dont learn from the past, it quite possibly will, wont it.

courtybubble wrote:
if you dont learn from the past, it quite possibly will, wont it.

Morgan wrote:
Im not really phased about finding another ‘love’ at this point it really wouldnt worry me if i spent the rest of my life “alone”

lol, everyone says that when theyre in a break up.
besides, this could apply to many areas of her life, where else is she letting people take advantage of her?
im not sure what your point its here exactly, but it doesnt seem that helpful

courtybubble wrote:
lol, everyone says that when theyre in a break up.
besides, this could apply to many areas of her life, where else is she letting people take advantage of her?
im not sure what your point its here exactly, but it doesnt seem that helpful

I see.

actually courty your the one whos not at all being helpful
a couple of people here have spoken to me during my confusion and its helped me feel that its not all over for me to regain myself
the way you speak is as if you would get pleasure out of me ‘letting’ myself be taken advantage of
Your comments have not included one offer of helpful advice or encouragement which makes me wonder why you bothered here, do you just like to see people in pain
Telling someone they “LET” themselves be taken advantage of and actually laying BLAME on them, especially the way you say it sounds more like your just looking down your nose, I’m trying to tell myself here that its not too late and I can still reach my goals and your comments are the type that suggest your trying to keep me down
Have you ever understood why a woman has trouble leaving a violent relationship (this one isnt violent) I doubt you understand at all because if you did you would understand why it hasnt been easy to find that point where you say enough is enough.
Please stay off this post now, unless you actually intend to be helpful, and dont go claiming you are being helpful because if you know you agitating the poster (which you are) you know what your saying is helping them

Anonymous wrote:
I see… Where will you live?

rental property as I always have, the lease is actually in my name here so I am organizing with my realestate to transfer to another location, just waiting on them to find a place now

well i wasnt really speaking with you at that point, was i, i was speaking with the other anon. if you believe learning from your past mistakes is not helpful, then look out, because itll happen all over again.
im not looking down my nose at you one bit, its simply the truth of the situation, and that you feel guilt or shame about it that way shows that you know that also.
of course its not too late, thats silly, and i never said that.
but the truth is, you have let yourself be taken advantage of. plain and simple.

actually, you were speaking to me, this is what I mainly responded to…

courtybubble wrote:
why on earth have you just let him take advantage of you like this for goodness sakes?
sorry, but you really dont have anyone to blame but yourself here, youve LET him do this.

I let it slide to begin with but since you were intent on continuing trying to prove your point with another on the post ‘I’ made where I would obviously see I said something, seriously, thinking you can just pick you you reply to on an op’s post and think that I shouldnt have an opinion on what youve said to anyone here, youve basically just said you can have an input on anyones replies here but I shouldnt have an input on the discussion your creating on my post
and now you say i feel guilty or ashamed! how do you figure that
I do NOT feel guilty or ashamed, why the hell would I, I am in a state of transition trying to see how I can excel and reach my goals after this
I understand that a person should not feel guilty or ashamed for being in a relationship that hasnt worked, unfortunately you dont understand this and now your trying to tell me I should be feeling this way, no I shouldnt be feeling guilty or ashamed, I dont and I wont
the only thing I have been feeling is sadness (grieving lost time is not guilt or shame) and a desire to make up for it, vaguely thinking maybe I cant make up for it, but helpfull people on this post have been good for helping me see I can make up for it, this is not you
now please, stay off my post

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I see… Where will you live?

rental property as I always have, the lease is actually in my name here so I am organizing with my realestate to transfer to another location, just waiting on them to find a place now

Then I think you’re in a pretty good starting point. Those years aren’t that much in the long run, especially when you’re so eager to make up for them.

You shouldn’t grieve over lost time. This is what needed to happen, to teach you about how to become stronger.

Anonymous wrote:
actually, you were speaking to me, this is what I mainly responded to…

courtybubble wrote:
why on earth have you just let him take advantage of you like this for goodness sakes?
sorry, but you really dont have anyone to blame but yourself here, youve LET him do this.

I let it slide to begin with but since you were intent on continuing trying to prove your point with another on the post ‘I’ made where I would obviously see I said something, seriously, thinking you can just pick you you reply to on an op’s post and think that I shouldnt have an opinion on what youve said to anyone here, youve basically just said you can have an input on anyones replies here but I shouldnt have an input on the discussion your creating on my post
and now you say i feel guilty or ashamed! how do you figure that
I do NOT feel guilty or ashamed, why the hell would I, I am in a state of transition trying to see how I can excel and reach my goals after this
I understand that a person should not feel guilty or ashamed for being in a relationship that hasnt worked, unfortunately you dont understand this and now your trying to tell me I should be feeling this way, no I shouldnt be feeling guilty or ashamed, I dont and I wont
the only thing I have been feeling is sadness (grieving lost time is not guilt or shame) and a desire to make up for it, vaguely thinking maybe I cant make up for it, but helpfull people on this post have been good for helping me see I can make up for it, this is not you
now please, stay off my post

lol, youre EPICLY putting words in my mouth, i never said half those things, but no matter what i say now youre not going to take any notice or believe me are you.

i wouldn’t :P

actually, your not someone i would listen to in general already, your likely to start responding with your second account to try to make it look like you have some kind of following, people who feel the need to do that generally dont respect their own word enough to stand on it alone so why would I respect it
maybe you should look up the word epic, you use it so often as though everything you talk about is so high that anything is ‘epic’ to you, talk about grandeur
and since you think you do so well at listening for the ‘3rd’ time
Stay Off My Post

epic is a good word:)
much like over exaggeration, which is something youre very fond of. if you feel i am in the wrong, feel free to report me,
hope this helps :)

Anonymous wrote:
i wouldn’t :P

and you have before monchirmo ;)

Anonymous wrote:
actually, your not someone i would listen to in general already, your likely to start responding with your second account to try to make it look like you have some kind of following, people who feel the need to do that generally dont respect their own word enough to stand on it alone so why would I respect it
maybe you should look up the word epic, you use it so often as though everything you talk about is so high that anything is ‘epic’ to you, talk about grandeur
and since you think you do so well at listening for the ‘3rd’ time
Stay Off My Post

i know a few who back themselves up that way….so clever! ’till they get found out! like this one maybe.

found out? O_o somewhat ironic isnt is, seeing as you are the anon here monchirmo…

and i actually just read what that reply even was that you quoted, and its prrrrrrrrrrrrrrretty hilarious.
do you see a second account of mine anywhere?
no?
hmmmm…..

‘found out’ means you wouldn’t tell anyone it was you, right?

courtybubble wrote:
and i actually just read what that reply even was that you quoted, and its prrrrrrrrrrrrrrretty hilarious.
do you see a second account of mine anywhere?
no?
hmmmm…..

feel free to get the mods to check if you like, youre not going to believe me whatever i say lol, but there aint no second account of mine floatin round here.

no you dont have a second account at all…

http://help.com/user/194921-courtybub…

and you never used it to look like you had backup…

http://help.com/post/309926-my-cousin…

bearing in mind I believe this other account was by the name of ‘epic’ fail at the time rather than courtybubblenomore

do you see that account on this post?
that account, is in use when this account is not. simple :)

i also dont see what on earth that has to do with your post lol.

did you check out the second link, using both accounts at the same time in the same day portraying yourself as an entirely different entity , the paranoia comment just because you were caught out being the same person
it’s behavior like that that tells me you dont stand strong enough on your own word to respect anything you say

aah but at least i stand strong enough on my own two feet to not get taken advantage of financially for 8 years:D

and i totally respect what i just said ;)

lmao way to try to take the heat off yourself
nothing to say about the fact you use two accounts to back yourself up though i see

i do belive i remember those comments from the school yard
“at least i wear pigtails”
“well at least I’m prettier than you”
that works wonders

its nice to see you reverting back to being a child when you get called out

lol im not the one who started it.
merely showing you how pathetic you are trying to personally attack me just because you dont like what i said.
if you cant take the heat, get out of the kitchen
hope this helps :D

Anonymous wrote:
its nice to see you reverting back to being a child when you get called out

youuuuu started it darlin

“well at least i have the strength to hold my head high when Ive messed up, I dont go scurrying back to school yard tactics”
ooops looks like i just did, ah well ya get that
oh yes, here comes the “she started it” bit lol
geez, you fight every debate in the same way, that really says something
I did ask you to stay off my post, you decided to stay
and I still dont respect the opinion of someone who will dis someone for being anon but fakes their own identity

oh and wouldnt want to forget the pet names sweetheart, the universal antagonistic response

oh god, you dont respect me, i think ill go cry about it lol.
someone as weak as yourself, who would stay in such a relationship for so long, obviously doesnt even know the MEANING of respect, nor have any for herself.
and that is why youre acting out…its sad really, i do so hope you get some help :(

yes thats right, it couldnt possibly be the fact that ive already seen how you play, using second accounts to fake your own backup
no im only acting out and have only singled you out for your ‘honesty’
your right, its not you and your deceitful ways
had I not already asked you to stay off this post, I do believe I asked you to stay off a few times before revealing why it is I dont want your opinion
quite simply I dont care for your opinion because I see you as a fake who will resort to any means to have their way
You choose to stay , whatever I may be dealing with now, in the past or in the future doesnt change the fact I will always have that opinion of you because of how ‘you’ behave
if my life was rosy I would still think the same of you for using two accounts to back yourself up, nothing changes that

how i play? sorry, where is the second account here? i really think you need to get over that lol.
im glad youve finally realised the error of your ways, and i accept your apology :)
although i do find it odd that you “dont care” about me sooooo much you find it necessary to reply to me all the time.

I simply asked you…repeatedly…to stay off this post, you wouldnt so I pointed out why I dont want your opinion
it wasnt a personal attack as you imagine
I gave you fair warning that I dont respect your opinion, you just cant help but hang on in there to get ‘your way’ like a little child
and as for not caring, well i do get a little kick out of watching you go from “i know all” to reverting to a tantrum throwing child of “but you started it”
I was trying to be nice and let you off the hook by asking you to stay off my post, but i think you enjoy this anyway, why else would you manipulate the same debate as you always do, always with the same brand of ammunition

I think you forgot to mention how much you help in other posts and how help.com was originally built for tech advice, which is totally relevant, im sure thats coming though