mother help: I need advice. - Help.com

Why are your neighbors angry with you?

You seem very angry at your deceased mother, but I want to ask you please spend some time thinking about the things she did and why she did it. Why do it? Because within a family people are much more connected and much more similar than they may think. Many psychologists say that only by trying to understand and forgive our parents we can gain real mental and physical health.

As for your situation with neighbors — it’s not very clear why they are angry with you? Is it because you moved there? Is it because of something your mother did to them? Is it because they think she was “a “sweet and gentle” person” and they say you are not like her?

because of my mothers “image”; that being as stated “sweet & gentle”. SHE WASN’T.
I gave up my home (i sold it) and my life to move in with her. in 2002, she and i talked. I told her she desperately needed to see a therapist. (so did i, and found a pretty good one) by 2005 still nothing. by 2007, i was at my limit. I wound up living only in “my room” and my life had been pushed away. she wouldn’t allow my friends to come over, had “issues” (this pouting, guilt thing she’d do) with me going out with my friends, and “freaked” out when i applied for a job as a 911 dispatcher (she freaked because of the hours i would be gone) so I yelled at her. it did nothing of course. and that was how it continued. with me angry, yelling, while she did nothing.

Don’t get me wrong here, but why do you keep bringing up all these old things between you and your mother? I mean, she’s not here any more, what difference does it make TODAY? Just trying to understand.

I think you really need to write a letter to your mother. Spend an evening to write it all down and tell her what you think. You might feel a little better then.

The old things I want and need for them to be buried. I’ve “talked” many times to my mother since her death. It’s helped somewhat. The neighbors (this is a very old, established neighborhood. I grew up here. It’s always been kindof like an extended family)are not angry with my mother. they are angry (still) with me. because I yelled at her. and no, not once or twice, but repeatedly. I had tried with my mother every other method to get her to stop the games and get help. My neighbors HAVE NO IDEA of the games my mother played, with me. She would “o.d.”. these, i quickly learned, were NOT TRUE ATTEMPTS at killing herself. they would happen with each attempt i would make to break free of her. she also became a “frequent flyer with the paramedics”. about 80 to 92 % of each 911 ride to e.r. wound up in her being admitted to hospital overnight. The diagnosis each time was “unknown cause”. But after getting back home, my mother would but on her performance again with the neighbors. She RELISHED THE ATTENTION. Am i still being unclear? this is an example of what i mean by stating my mother was a master manipulator.

So if your right, why do you care what the neighbors think?

OK, now I see what you’re talking about.

As I see it all depends now on how much do you want to be loved and respected within your neighborhood. For example I have neighbors that don’t like me and don’t say “hello” because of my looks (I wear rapper-style clothes and shave my head, while most of my neighbors are elderly douchebags). But I don’t really care, I know who I am and don’t feel bad because some lawyer thinks I’m a junkie or something. I know I’m not, why would I care about what’s going on in someone’s head?

I mean, that’s an old game — people hate you because they feel resistance, they feel that you care. But do you really care what they think about you? You know who you are and you know what you did and what you didn’t do. But that’s basically none of their business, isn’t it? Seems like they try to judge you not knowing what really happened between you and your mother — but why do you listen? They don’t know anything. Just don’t listen to whatever they say, because they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Of course you can move from the neighborhood and you can stay. If you’re single, maybe moving isn’t a bad idea - me personally I loved changing places when I was 20-something. Another option — just ignore them, what do you lose?

Whatever you decide to do, wish you luck and don’t think too much about what people say! Who are they anyway lol :)

i have a mother in law like her