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Help, very depressed with life and weight.
I have been trying to lose weight since holiday, was teased for being fat a lot (9 and ahalf stone at 5 foot). While i was away I went from 9.5 - 9 stone, don’t know how lol,probably dancing at night, then when home I started dieting to continue this breakthrough. I began walking home from school (hour and half),doing netball weekly and eating only vegetables for dinner and small lunches with lots of fruit, cutting out a lot of crap. I got down to 8 and a half stone but still have a huge swolen belly and excess fat (I’m not seeing things i promise you). Carried on this diet for 3 weeks but weight did not budge. Then i got swine flu, and when i could eat again litreally had about 4 take aways in a week and loads of rubbishy foods, and then i felt like I’d ruined everything and started making myself sick and seeing how easy it was I carried on. Had really bad stomach pains, researched the side effects of bulimia and realised i should stop. Ithought i was over it, then last weekend i did it 3 times. Today i overate and feel so bad and i wanted to be sick but didn’t. I just feel like i’m trying to lose weight but it wont budge, my friends can eat whatever they want and have amazing bodies but because i’m short 5 foot 1, and vegetarian and bad genetics its so much harder. I feel like i wont lose weight unless im hungry, if im not hungry i feel guilty. I used to self harm a few years ago but stopped and now i feel like this desire to be sick is my new problem. I just am so stressed with family life (divorce going on yet were all still living together, dad says he wants mum to move out and live down the road and come back at 8 without neighbours to do the cooking - i mean seriouslly). Years prior found out she was having an affair which upset me a lot at the time, am still keeping this secret but only because i think she deserves someone else. I always fight with my dad. Mum’s an alchaholic and gets drunk every night sometimes i feel so lonely at home with them, my brother has joined my year at school and i cant escape or relax with my friends because hes now at the same gatherings as me. I At the moment as well with deciding what to do at uni ihave no idea. I thought biology because it would keep al ot of doors open but can’t apply for it as i only study biology a level and no other sciences. Considering psychology but my dad is so against it as said bad employment and i don’t really want to be a psychologist, but i think i would be interested in the degree. I’m just scared of limiting myself after uni. It’s just a stressful time at the moment and I probably am serioulsy overeacting but just needed to get this all of my chest.
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