Help help: i’m so lost - Help.com

First thing you have to do is try to put your life in perspective:

Would you be better off you left? I would say yes. At least the beating and humiliations from your husband would stop. And then your children wouldn’t be exposed to all the crap he gives you.

Can you do better without him? I would say, if you don’t at least try to make a better life without him, you will never know. But, the mere fact that you wrote here to express your problem, sounds like you at least have some kind of hope and determination and it is your first step into making your life better for you and your kids.

Can you actually count on someone to help you? I think that if you actually go to local social services and tell them your problem, they will be able to help you and your children. And if you can at least call a couple of family member or friends, you can probably find some help from them.

Is everything as bleak and gloomy as you think? I think that if you try to get out of the fatalistic view of your life you will be able to find the positives in your life and times and will build on that.

Can I really solve this pickle I’m in? The problem is already there. Don’t concentrate your efforts on thinking about the problem or pickle that you’re in. If anything, all your effort should be concentrated on finding the solution. The problem is not going away, it is there for you to solve and your efforts should go 100% into finding a solution for it.

Can I really do it alone? Many people think that they are alone because they don’t bother to look around them for all the agencies, friends, neighbors, and family members who probably have some means of helping you out.

Don’t despair. Start today.

Complex.simplicitie is right. You have to calm your mind before you can think straight.

No family or friends, no on the shelter. You might look in your local phone book to see if there any agencies that can provide counseling for you. I say counseling for you because it takes a lot of courage and strength to Pull yourself together to make the move you need to make. Do you have a job? If he is not working, are you? How will you support the kids. If you are welfare, they may have services to help.

You are going to have to make some tough decisions. The guy is obviously very unstable and dangerous. It is not a fit environment for you or the kids. Nobody should have to live in fear of being beaten. When you leave, You may have to get a restraining order. Maybe you can kick him out and get a retraining order, but I doubt the police would be there when you need them.

I have never been at a women’s shelter, but I have to think that if you are around this guys who threatens to beat your face in and has done so in the past, when you leave, he may just do that and try to keep the kids. You need to get far away from this dude. At least at a shelter, there would be lots of people around and to me, sounds safer than if you had your apartment. At least until you know how he is going to react. He may just drop out of sight.

Counseling can help you make some sound decisions and provide the support you will need. Doing it all on your own is much harder. YOu need people in your corner.

You can google free online counseling. See if you can find something in your area.
Churches are good as well. Be safe.

I have to say that you are putting him first before the needs of your kids. I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but don’t you think that your kids deserve all of you and not just the part that is broken.

The kids do not get a say in the matter of what is happening to them, and speaking as a single mother of at the time three( Twins girls who were 14 months apart from their older brother) I too had no family, and had no shelter to go to because it wasn’t available.

Seeing a woman’s shelter first hand- through crisis line training, I can say that it is better than going it alone because you have resources and people there WILLING TO DO WHAT THEY CAN to HELP YOU and your children. They can provide babysitting and sources for income, and above all else, SAFETY FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN- counciling and support from other kids and mothers. They are like a family and will help.

You say you don’t have money, what little money you should hide and save so you can get out- it will take a while, but at least he won’t steal it.
So he has a drug habit, hmm, well would you want your kids to find his stash or a needle? Do you think that that would be a responsible thing for you to allow at this point? Okay so he’s not hurting you, but he’s abusive to your whole family and you as a mother and as a person who has the strength and who is able, needs to speak up for those kids. I know you know this already, but on the day you finally decide enough is enough it may be too late… You don’t want to live with regrets.

Life is going to be hard, but only for a little while. You’ve been taken care of, and quite poorly. I think you yourself could do a better job of raising your children and growing as a woman, a mom on your own. You have the skills, basically you’ve been doing it. Think of the better life and freedom you could give your children if you- responsible you got a job, kept it, and provided a safe happy home for them and yourself? Do you ever think of that day? It’s as close to here and now if you choose.

There is no other way for you to do this because no one can do this for you. You take the first step and someone will be availabe to catch you. You won’t fall, you may stumble, but heck we all do.