depression help: 5 years ago I was working in IT, good job, things going well,

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5 years ago I was working in IT, good job, things going

well, met a girl, married her, then decided to leave job and start my own business after doing it (successfully) part time for over a year. Recession kicked in shortly after and over the last year the business has got more and more quiet to the point debt has mounted to over £21,000 and monthly income is now no more than £650. I have a 9 year old step son and by the time he has been fed and clothed, there is only a tiny bit of money left for me an my wife to eat, let alone pay off the ever increasing debt. I have had to move me and my family in with my mum and dad, sell every single one of my earthly belongings, and am applying for upwards of 10 jobs a day, with no success. I feel a total failure, not just to myself, but to my whole family as I can barely support them and my wife is now the breadwinner. I have gone from a lively happy 27 year old to an introvert depressed one. I am sat here now googling the most effective/painless way to commit suicide because I just feel I am totally worthless and simply a burden to everyone around me. I can’t even afford to go out and buy pills to end this. How sad is that? I spent the morning walking down the side of the motorway looking for a lorry to step out in front of. I don’t know what held me back but I didn’t do it. I have never felt like I needed to commit suicide before, but the feeling now is acute, and I am so so scared right now because I know that me killing myself will bring untold pain to everyone around me, but I feel like every portion of my soul has been sucked out and I am just an empty shell stealing space from those around me. I am too scared to tell my parents what’s going on (they’ve no idea things are anywhere near as bad as they are) because they have always been so money savvy and I know for a fact they will judge me for the mistakes I’ve made.
I’m not a selfish person - I love everyone so so much but I just cannot find inside of me the belief that there’s an alternative solution. I feel like by just going to sleep and not waking up that I will be out of the way - no longer a burden. I just want this to end..

This open post was written 1 month, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 94, 4, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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HelpBot 5 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 1 month, 1 week ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
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IDon'tEverQuit 196 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (1 hour, 19 minutes after post)

I’m sorry you are having such a rough time. But don’t give up! You sound like you have a wonderful family, don’t give up for them. Things are looking down right now but give it time and things will start going up again! If you can’t find a job, advertise to do simple things like walk dogs or mow lawns or anything like that. It will bring in a little income and it all helps. Also, why don’t you volunteer somewhere for the time being as well? Might make yourself feel more useful. Don’t give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Help me with: Why is it that when you are having a normal wedding (not justice of the peace, or going away) everyone pressures you to do things a certain way?

Anonymous #
1 month, 1 week ago (16 hours, 10 minutes after post)

hi. I can understand your struggle. I fell into a very deep depression for years when i was in my early 20s and it seemed really hard to even think of hope. Literally, I was dragging myself every day just to do my daily chorus. However, no matter what happens, dont believe that you’re alone. you are so loved by the creator. there’s even a verse in psalm that although your mom forgets about you, your father in heaven wont. i believe that there’s a hole in every man’s heart that only christ can fill. i was so empty, disoriented and confused. 2 years ago until i met god. when that happened, everything just became make sense, on why on earth you’re here on earth, on why you were created, etc. and you’ll find a purpose in relationship with the loving father. what you need is his love to fill you up like a coke in a desert… (weird parable isnt it?)- matt11:28. check this out: needhim.org

paul.reed.mai 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (1 day after post)

I’m really sorry to hear of your struggle. I can begin to imagine how you feel. I have a very strong faith - something I have been brought up with and is an active part of my life. The logical, sensible portion of me is well aware of the love I am given, but alas, telling creditors that I can’t pay them, but don’t worry, I have a faith and am loved very much, doesn’t make my situation better in a practical way.

Thank you for you reply though.

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