Love help: My boyfriend is unsure about his gender. - Help.com



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My boyfriend is unsure about his gender.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. He confided in me that he has thoughts about being a woman and is exploring that side of himself. I have no problems with him doing this. I even have been continuously doing research over the past 8 or 9 months on the topic. Sometimes he denies that he has those feelings around me, but I know he does. Sometimes when I see him naked, he will tuck his penis in between his legs. He’s experimented with cross dressing in private as well. Then sometimes he says things like, “I know for sure I’ll eventually transition, it’s just a matter of time.” Then other times he says I’m closing that door. I’m very confused about what he wants (he’s probably confused too). I don’t want him to deny these feelings and I want him to do what he wants. I don’t want to stay with him and know that he’s not happy the way he is. I don’t know if I could still be with him either if he did go through with it. He tells me that he wants to eventually marry me, but I’m definitely not ready (I’m almost 19 and he’s 26). The other thing that bothers me is that he never graduated high school and he’s on welfare right now…barely scraping by. I feel like he’s not going anywhere in life. I’m in University and live in another city now and the distance is really affecting the relationship. I love him, but at the same time I don’t. I’m a very open minded person and strive to be a good person. I feel like he needs me. I’m fearful about what would happen to him if I break up with him, but at the same time, I feel like I’m living a lie being with him. I’m trying to do the right thing, but I don’t really know if I’m happy. I feel like I’m just staying with him to be a motivation for him to get up on his feet. Is that wrong? What should I do? I’m going to visit him this weekend.

This open post was written 3 years, 7 months ago | V/U/S: 420, 2, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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transgender, relationship, Partner, Love, wants (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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iamjennyandyouar offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 3 years, 7 months ago (2 days, 14 hours after post)

he needs a friend ( an amazing friend like you) more than a girlfriend anyways. Also, dredging him through a relationship that you don’t feel happy in won’t help him in the long run either. I think that this would be enabling him and not moving him to the next level of decisions ( where he really belongs). Again, however, I must say that I admire your supportiveness and patience concerning this matter.. it’d be nice to have a friend like you!

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Anonymous #
3 years, 7 months ago (3 days after post)

iamjennyandyouar wrote:
he needs a friend ( an amazing friend like you) more than a girlfriend anyways. Also, dredging him through a relationship that you don’t feel happy in won’t help him in the long run either. I think that this would be enabling him and not moving him to the next level of decisions ( where he really belongs). Again, however, I must say that I admire your supportiveness and patience concerning this matter.. it’d be nice to have a friend like you!

Thanks for the advice and your comments. It means a lot.

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