work help: I always put work before myself, I make so many sacrifices just to keep people happy and I’m tired of it.

ameliad

I always put work before myself, I make so many sacrifices just to keep people happy and I’m tired of it.

But it feels really weird, and sort of wrong, to consider putting myself first.

I work three jobs, and some times that means I don’t get a day off every week (sometimes it will be 10-14 days before I get a day when I don’t have to do any work), and although I’m starting to get better at telling my bosses when I can’t commit to more work, I feel guilty about it.

I’m moving overseas next year anyway, so none of my jobs are permanent (and all of them know of my plans to move), but still I feel bad if I turn down an extra shift or whatever.

Is it OK to put myself before work sometimes? Seriously, does anyone have any advice on how to feel better about this? It’s getting to be a pretty serious problem for me…

This open post was written 1 month ago | V/U/S: 120, 12, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post ameliad may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. ameliad is a verified member, has been around for 1 month, 4 weeks and has 2 posts and 36 replies to their name.

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Helper626 11 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (25 minutes after post)

Well Let me ask you something, Are you giving your jobs your all while on the clock? If so, why feel guilty? You have a life to live and be joyful of. Do not waste EVERY second at work. Even the strongest, smartest, energetic people IN THE WORLD, need to take breaks. Recharge themselves and remember why their doing what their doing. Granted there is a reason you have three jobs i’m sure. But are you happy? We only get one life and no time back. If we live a life of regrets thats not living at all. If more work is what makes you happy by all means ask for all the work you can. BUT if its not what you like to do, take some time to yourself and figure out what makes you happy and save some time to recharge yourself and make yourself happy. You CANNOT be a joy to others when you are not a joy yourself.
Good Luck my friend.

(1)

candp 146 #
Las Vegas, NV, US | 1 month ago (8 hours, 36 minutes after post)

Hi Amelia, In addition to everything Helper 626 shared with you, the only areas left to explore at the moment are what thoughts in your mind prompt you to work three jobs, and a re-examination of your priority list in life. Would you like to explore these areas? Carol

Help me with: CANDP invites all users to help prevent some unnecessary deaths.

ameliad 6 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (9 hours, 11 minutes after post)

Thanks Helper626 and Carol. I definitely want to explore this further because it is affecting my life.

The reason I have three jobs is partly out of necessity, partly out of my career interest. I run a drama workshop for young people at risk of homelessness, I am a freelance writer and I have a retail job to support myself financially. The first two are really enjoyable because they allow me to use my creativity, and I’ve recently started to take more control over my deadlines with the freelance work so that I don’t get overloaded with writing work.

The problem lies in the retail job. I don’t get enough money from my arts work to support myself financially, so I really do need the retail job for rent, bills etc. But I feel like I’m making the most sacrifices for that job, taking on extra shifts because I’m asked, when really I often wish for a real day off.

I’m only a casual employee, so technically I don’t owe them anything, and I do my very best when I’m on the clock there (sometimes even staying back to tidy up and get things organised). But I have so much trouble saying “no” when they ask me to cover someone else’s shift, maybe on some level I’m worried if I tell them I have other commitments they’ll cut my hours (that’s probably an illogical fear though, they’re hard-pressed to find enough staff).

It seems to be a real weakness of mine that I always take on the work and don’t think about how it will impact on my wellbeing. How do I get away from doing that without feeling guilty??

candp 146 #
Las Vegas, NV, US | 1 month ago (1 day, 3 hours after post)

Amelia, you are in somewhat of a catch 22 situation. You depend on the retail job for financial support but unless you work the extra shifts the job is not adequate enough for your needs. Perhaps the answer lies in looking for a better paying job. That way you will not feel obligated to work extra shifts to survive financially. Can you see this, and is it an option for you? Carol

Help me with: CANDP invites all users to help prevent some unnecessary deaths.

Helper626 11 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (4 days after post)

Be quite truthful i just did that yesterday. Became quite anger that i had off from both of my jobs and yet the night before one called me and the other called me and woke me up and asked me to come in.
It’s rather comical in my eyes that im trying to give advice on it.
However, i still have time to myself. Much of which is spent on here or watching movies. Odd way of spending my time but none the less effective i hope.
You definately need to tell everyone one day NO! and take a day to realize the pleasures of life that make you happy, that you like to do for your happness.
Say no to the xtra that you don’t need and take that time and spend it for you. Cause that time spent for you will always be remembered and charished more than work.
Good Luck my friend

ameliad 6 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (4 days, 22 hours after post)

Thank you Helper, I think you’re right in saying that I need to stop taking the extra shifts when I don’t need them. I have a responsibility to myself to do that, and it’s reasonable to say no with so many other commitments.

Carol, yes I would definitely look for another job if the circumstances were different. I’m moving overseas next year so there’s only really a couple of months left in this situation.

I have trouble working out my priorities before I commit to extra work, and I also end up feeling bad if I don’t take on the work. Any advice on ways to plan ahead and not feel guilty? I’d appreciate it.

Thanks again, both of you :)

Helper626 11 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (5 days, 6 hours after post)

As for planning ahead Write down timer for yourself. Make on the schedule TIME FOR ME. Don’t do anything during that time that you don’t want to. Kick your feet up and just do whatever you want to. Watch a movie, play a video game, go to lunch with your friends. Do something for yourself.
As for feeling guilty never feel guilty for taking care of yourself and your health. And Yes taking time for yourself is considered taking care of your health. We work ourselves to the bone and if we do no recharge outselves we will burn out like a light bulb.
Please take some time to yourself and do what you want to do.
Good Luck my friend.

candp 146 #
Las Vegas, NV, US | 1 month ago (5 days, 9 hours after post)

Hi ameliad, I have reread your reply’s and realized that you are a “Helper” to a fault. Being a helper in this world is a wonderful gift to humanity, however it will become dangerous for you unless you develop the wisdom to always make sure you help you first. Your wellbeing is in jeopardy and it is your responsibility to do something about this. If you become ill who will fill your shoes?

Accept that some things need to go from your schedule to make room for rest. To disregard this fact would be foolish, not heroic. It is OK to make necessary changes. It would be difficult to create a priority list for you because I am not living your life right now, YOU are. One thing you mentioned that apparently can go, is staying after work to clean up and organize. It would be if you could redirect priorities before you move oversees. Otherwise, you will do it to yourself there also. Let us know what you decide. Carol

Help me with: CANDP invites all users to help prevent some unnecessary deaths.

ameliad 6 #
An Unknown Location | 4 weeks, 1 day ago (6 days, 20 hours after post)

Carol, you’re not the first person who has expressed those sentiments about changing things now before I can’t break this cycle. I think at least being aware of the problem is part of the solution, because I do always have it in my mind, and I’m trying to remind myself that I need to put my wellbeing first.

It is just one step at a time to break out of the work cycle for me. I started today by scheduling the morning for myself and negotiating less writing work. I also asked for help with the drama workshop this week. I am taking next Tuesday off completely, and also Thursday morning again. And I’m not going to stay back at the retail job anymore.

Having you two tell me I need to change things has really helped me start to make the changes I need to. I’ll check in here after a while to let you know how it’s going (and hopefully to ensure I do cut back for good!). Thank you!

Helper626 11 #
An Unknown Location | 4 weeks ago (1 week, 1 day after post)

EXCELLENT!!!! I’m glad to hear it. Keep up the good work my friend and Good Luck. Your welcome and thank you for listening.

candp 146 #
Las Vegas, NV, US | 4 weeks ago (1 week, 1 day after post)

Ameliad, Congratulations! Now for one last tip. What really happened here is that you reached out with an open mind, took in new perspectives, and changed your mind. It is not as difficult as we always make it out to be. We are always just a mind change away from peace, joy and happiness that we seek. Now that you know how to do it there will be no stopping you. Please keep us posted on your progress.
Carol

Help me with: CANDP invites all users to help prevent some unnecessary deaths.

ameliad 6 #
An Unknown Location | 2 weeks, 1 day ago (2 weeks, 6 days after post)

I thought I’d stop by and give you an update. This week I had Tuesday scheduled as a day off, and I swapped shifts with a co-worker so that I could get Wednesday off as well (because I have a bit of a cold). I spent those two days relaxing and didn’t check my emails at all (I get about 10 work-related emails a day).

I’m going to speak to the manager at my retail job tomorrow and make sure she is a bit more aware of my other commitments so that she knows how much work I can actually do and how important it is for me to get a proper day off (she often schedules my day off when I have to work at one of my other jobs).

Overall I’m feeling a lot more committed to looking after myself :)

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work help: I always put work before myself, I make so many sacrifices just to keep people happy and I’m tired of it. - Help.com

I always put work before myself, I make so many sacrifices just to keep people happy and I’m tired of it.

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