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I’m crazy about her!!

I’m a girl, and I’m straight (not in the sense that I wouldn’t have feelings for girls, I could, but that being a lesbian isn’t an option for me cause I want to marry a tall handsome guy and have lots of kids lol) anyway I have this one (girl) friend that I’m crazy about! We’re not close, like ‘see each other every day’ close, but we’re deep; like if I have a major issue or I just need to talk to someone, I’d go to her, and same with her. Me and my friends went through that phase were we all kissed on the lips, nothing major just a peck when we say hi, but me and her just liked kissing each other even when we’re not saying hi.

One night I went past, picked her up and we went for a drive, (as i do with a lot of my friends) we’re sitting in the car and she’s talking but I don’t think I heard one word. I just wanted to kiss her! she finished what she was saying and she leaned her head back on the headrest and turned to look at me, after a good 5 seconds I started smiling and looked at her lips (hinting), she didn’t react, so I leaned in until our nose were barely touching, and I’m like “I’m sorry I wasn’t listening” and I started smiling/laughing, I was still looking at her lips when she cracks the biggest smile! My heart skipped a beat I swear to you lol. So naturally I tilted my head gave her the most gentlest kiss ever (the softness of her lips is out of this world). We hooked up for a good 2 hours, tongue and all. I couldn’t even stop if I wanted to.

ANYWAY! I got too excited remembering that, point is, I know I love her and under any other circumstance I’d ask her out, but I know it’s pointless cause it’s not an option for either of us. I’m sure the relationship would suck as well, cause we used to fight a lot over stupid things and we wouldn’t talk for weeks, plus we’ve kinda drifted a bit now but we miss each other madly. Non of our friends know we’ve hooked up, they know we’ve kissed and they notice we’re touchy and tell us to get a room as a joke (we always hold hands and I play with her fingers or draw on her back) Once we had a random group of girls asking us if we were lesbians, so it’s kinda obvious I guess.

I haven’t seen her in a while. It kills me cause I crave the affection so much! I’m always the one making the first move though, she holds back a lot, she wouldn’t let me go near her if a friend is in the kitchen (she’d playfully push me back and walk off). We’ve hooked up a few times, but she always stops in the middle of it and act like nothing weird is happening (but she’ll kiss me when I lean in again).

Wowww this is long! Sorry guys. I always sit and just think how things would be if I tell her how I feel, (we both know we’re in denial, but I’m scared to just say it to her) what if it’s just me reading it wrong. And like I said it’s gonna be a pointless relationship. She gets a lot of attention from guys, she’s only hooked up with 2 that I know off, but maybe she’s like that with everyone and I’m just overreacting.
Help?

…

I dreamt I had an interview with GOD:

So, you would like to interview me? GOD asked.

If You have time, I said.

GOD smiled. “My time is eternity… what questions do you have in mind for me?”

What surprises You the most about humankind?

GOD answered…

That they get bored with childhood, that they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.

That they lose their health to make money… and then lose their money to restore their health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.

That they live as if they would never die, and die as though they had never lived.

God’s hand took mine… and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked, “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons You want Your children to learn?”

God replied, “To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.”

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.

To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.

To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that two people can look at the same thing, and see it differently.

To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.

Thank you for your time, I said humbly.

Is there anything else You would like Your children to know?

GOD smiled, and said… “Just know that I am here.”

“…Always.”