abuse help: Hiya All - Help.com

Hiya All

I’m writing cause tbh I have no where else to talk about this. My Fiance an I have been together for 5 yrs. I have known him since he was 11 and I got with him about month after I came back from Israel. We have a wonderful beautiful Son together that we planned =) Happiest day of My Life. My Son will be 3 in Nov. Anyways I have been going through alot of stress since an auto accident in dec 08 when someone ran a red light.. I have a few herniated discs and pinched nerve.. so since then I haven’t been able to continue my Job as a dancer.. until I heal or even save to start nursing school like planned.
My Fiance has hit me a few times before I was preggo.. then it stopped.. he did it a few times when I was pg aswell.. then it stopped.. well today I was trying to get him up cause his mom was calling an she is supposed to help pay my truck until I go back to work.. my fiance doesnt worked an hasnt in 2.5 yrs. So I need all the help possible until I can return to work. Anyways he is the worse to get up.. he is so mean when I try to wake him.. he is lazy and doesnt even try to do anything.. so instead he gets up says I called him names when I didnt.. and grabs my neck chokes me and then punches me in my face. My Face hurts so bad.

I cant tell My Mom or my brother.. no one.. they will call the cops. I dont know what to do. I have been trying to give him a chances to change and get better. He treats me so bad sometimes. I dont know how to react. I have post traumatic stress syndrome cause of my mva and him not understanding an being abusive only makes it worse. I feel so depressed. I hate myself today. I feel lost and hopeless. I tried to ask him if we can do counseling but he thinks he doesnt have a problem.

I dont want to break our family up. I dont believe in separating when we have child/ren. So I’m totally lost.

I dont know guess I’m wondering if anyone has been through this and their spouse has gotten better with counseling. Or if things will never change. I’m scared. I feel all alone. I’m usually so strong. I can usually fight back with words… or blow off his temper. But since my injury I feel worse and worse each time he goes through his mood swings. =/

I just really need advise. I’m just scared. When he hit me he said he was half asleep and sorry he didnt mean it. But he hit Me like I was a man. He is 6′1 220lbs and I’m 5′3 100lbs. It felt so bad like I was gonna die or something when he did that. I had to take an extra pain med that I use for my injury just to ease the pain and swolling feeling on my face. =(( I just feel so hopeless and sad right now. I have been crying ever since.

Please help with comments. I just need to try and feel better. idk I want to be happy again.
ty
~Holly~

This open post was written 1 month ago | V/U/S: 50, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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abuse, fiance abused, depressed from abuse (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (2)

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Coalesce offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 31 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (1 hour, 6 minutes after post)

I know that this is not the ‘popular’ answer, but based upon the publicly available statistics on Domestic Violence it is clear that getting away from him is the best option by a looong shot.

In other terms, ‘Do what you want, and accept the consequences’. He is never ever ever justified in hitting you. Even if you decide to stay, it is never ever your fault that he hits you, and he never has the right to. But… please understand that based upon the best of our current knowledge, if you stay, he will continue to hit you. And you will have chosen to stay even though you know that he will continue to hit you. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make him any less wrong, but it certainly doens’t sound like a smart move does it?

Odds are rather likely that he will begin hitting your child as well. I know it’s a very unpopular statement, but don’t take my word for it. Statistics on Domestic Violence are readily available, do some searches and it will be very apparent to you that abusers in most cases continue and often escalate their abuse.

Just because it isn’t right doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

Can you accept that? Can your child accept that? You’re the mother, you are making this choice for your child as well.

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Help me with: Read and rate, pleeease… I will love you forever!
rohan2001ste offline Verified User (2 months) Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (1 hour, 14 minutes after post)

look! by what u written i understand u dont wanna break up ur family.But u have to realize one thing that there is no point continuing a relationship where only you try to understand him and keep giving him chances evrytime! a relationship consists of two ppl caring for each other and not abusing and hitting.
And especially for your son dont let him get exposed to all this voilence!please this is gonna have a very lasting impression on his mind if he sees all this.It will totally wreck his life! when its not even his mistake!!its been seen that such instances in early childhood could have effects all the way till the teenage and sometimes entire personds life.
Look u have to get strong and have to make a desicion for your sake n ur son’s sake dont let his life get ruined!he deserves a happy childhood.depression and negative thinking wont help! believe in GOd he loves you.He’s always gonna be there with you all you have to do is take a step!

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Help me with: i have no job since past 4 months i m kinda losing hope to get a job now….My family is also losing hope on me.theres

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