depression help: I don’t know where to start. - Help.com

Ozzy_Oswalt
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I don’t know where to start.

I shouldn’t have to start, but rather I should be able to just go about life without complaining like everyone else does, but still I can’t sleep. I feel very depressed and unmotivated.

I guess it started when I was 14. That year I moved away from my home to my grandparents’ home. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer, and life with my parents and my younger brother was too stressful for me. I began acting out in school, and was kicked out of my private highschool.

I finished high school with a low GPA, and barely made it into college. My grandpa is paying the tuition, which in a way makes me sick because I know how hard some people have to work for it, but I don’t feel like I could handle paying for it myself. He expects me to do well, of course, and my first year at college I did great. This year, however, I’m off to a terrible start. I’ve put off classes and assignments, and I don’t know if I can catch up or not.

I’ve been depressed about other things. Lately I’ve had my parking permit stolen from my vehicle, and it was a mess to get a new one. It pains me that there are people in the world who do mean things every day.

I feel lonely all the time, even when I’m with a girl. I feel as though I do not really connect with anyone. I feel distant from my family, and sometimes feel as though I’ve even left myself behind.

I managed to get through high school without ever being drunk. Big change this year, I’ve learned that drinking makes me not worry so much, and even helps me sleep. My addictions do not stop there, either. I was clean and sober for 19 years of my life, and I realize that I’m not myself when I’m doing these things. I want to stop, but I don’t want to deal with life, either. It makes me miserable.

I don’t feel like I’m good at anything anymore. Everything I do seems to be without competence. I don’t see much purpose for a person like me in the world. I’m not suicidal because I am afraid. However, sometimes I wish life would end itself for me.

Help.com, is there any way to salvage something worthy of redemption from my meaningless life?

Thanks,
Oz

This open post was written 1 month, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 82, 3, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post Ozzy_Oswalt may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Ozzy_Oswalt is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 7 months and has 2 posts and 39 replies to their name.

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depression, purpose, Substance abuse (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 5 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 1 month, 1 week ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

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Hamburger Helper offline Verified User (1 month, 1 week) Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (18 minutes after post)

Yea bro - good news is you’re still young, you’ve got lots of time! College is a fantastic time full of all sorts of opportunities. Make sure you’re aware enough to catch them when they appear. If you’re boozing or getting high, your awareness will diminish and opportunities may pass you by. First step is to get off the suds. Get addicted to something good, like exercise!

I understand the need to escape harsh realities, that’s what drives people to do things like get drunk or high. To do so is sort of natural, I think. When life gives us a problem we can’t solve, who wants to sit around mired in pain? If there is a stressor that has no solution, I think it’s fine to distract onesself to avoid the pain. Just make sure the distraction is constructive (music, art, exercise) and not destructive (drugs, booze, pyromania :^) )

All that being said, most problems have solutions. If a situation can’t be changed, then we can change our perception of that situation. You’ve got a pile of homework, so do it. Prove to yourself how capable you can be by overcoming a massive amount of assignments.

That’s all I got, hope it helps. :^)

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Anonymous #
1 month, 1 week ago (1 hour, 29 minutes after post)

Stop the drinking…. Get the work done…. Prove yourself to yourself. Your grandfather is paying for your education and i’m sure at his age he could spend the money on himself if he wanted to…. Total waste of money if all you do is p**s it up against a wall.

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